On the pics, with my oldest from my first wife, I let her do her thing and then I call the photographer on my own and order my own picture package. Always worked good for me.

I don't have any great answers for you on the rest of it.

well, if they are bothering you then of course they should be bothering you. feel how you need to feel. i dont know that it makes you a prick that these things are bothering you tho - thats a bit extreme in my opinion.

since you have kids, i dont know that the nicey nice stuff will ever be over with. i think there will always have to be a maintenance of civility.

can you get copies of the pictures from the school electronically? she can order her own, you can order your own? a friend of mine did this with her exhusband and son - she got the ones she wanted and he got what he wanted. they each paid for their own. then you dont have to decide for her or pay thousands of dollars. or maybe just you decide not to get any at all? and take your son to sears or walmart or jcpennys or wherever else does pictuers inexpensively and use those for your personal senior pics? and let her have the entire responsibility of paying for his pics. just some ideas.

i love animals. and i am all for helping out. but there are doggie day cares that are fairly inexpensive that could keep the dog - definitely worth looking into so you dont have to deal with the headache of it. of being nicey nice. : )

i dont know what to tell you about the wedding. just prepare yourself as best you can - shelf the issues for a few days and decompress when you get back. you are there for your child anyway - not her. celebrate that.

i dont know about the finance situation either - since you are already divorced i am sure you arent having to make financial decisions for her are you? as far as her telling your sons a certain thing about yours, im not sure where that ties in. its not her place. and i am not sure why she is telling them that anyway. because of the wedding? dont know.

i am sorry you are having a difficult time. xoxo

I think it's nice when exes can get along. My STBX weirds me out and I feel like shit after having to deal with him at all - my issues, not his, so much. Wish we could get to a point where we could be nicey nicey without it meaning more than that. Since you only have contact over the kids, it should all dissipate soon.

If I've bought pictures, I paid for them. (and kept them, although I usually give my ex one or two)

And if he's bought pictures, he's paid for them, (although usually given me one or two).


No contact is great for getting past the first 2-3 months, especially if you don't have kids.

But I don't think it's optimal for if you do have them.

What worked for me is to do most of the communication through email for the first 6 months. I would look at my emails ONCE a day, then wait 24 hours to reply to anything (nothing is so much of an emergency that replying within 24 hours isn't enough).

It taught ME disapline. And kept my anger and emotions in check. It gave me a written record of what was said.

Because I was changing how I acted, not how he did, there were no arguments. There were definitely times he wanted a reply faster, but I never explained, nor did I back down (OK, just once...just once did we get into an email battle...I don't even remember what over now).

And well, we can talk in person to each other now. No real big deal anymore.

In any case, the two of you are going to have to TALK to get through all of that. Good luck.

You and your son make the decision, the ex can just deal...that is what I did. As far as the wedding, pose for pics, then hang out with other people. You don't have to interact with her, it is hard, but, have you ever pretended someone is not there?

If the photographer says "okay, now a pic of the parents" politely refuse. You don't have to do it, your son will probably be unaware as he will be elsewhere when the photographer suggests it, or, you can ask to speak to the photographer prior to wedding and let them know the situation, they should be sensitive

Sure they will bother you. I don't know what I will do at my son's wedding, but, given his relationship with his father, I probably won't have to worry about it.

Try to smile and remember your kids. Remember that some women are very intuitive and she probably knows it pisses you off that she can still do it.

I know my ex so much better than he knows himself...I know he doesn't want to hear it.

I think it is perfectly natural to react to things your ex does.
I am sure it will take years and years until we can honestly say that their actions do not affect us. AFter all we have spent so many years of our lives working on having a relationship with them, we cannot now expect to be able to switch off all feeling or reactions towards them.
Sadly because we have kids with our exes we cannot escape contact over such things as these, but I think if we keep it down to an absolute minimum and don't try to force ourselves to be nice if we don't want to be, it will hopefully bother us less.
I had to be at my brother's house with my ex on Christmas Day, because my brother is Mr Nice Guy and felt sorry for him so invited him to join us all.
I decided I would be civil but that was all. I do not like him any more, and have no desire to have any contact with him more than I absolutely have to. It was bearable and I was relieved when it was over. It also confirmed to me why we are divorced. (I thought it was quite funny he gave me a box of green tea as a gift called "Special Gunpowder"- don't know whether he was trying to tell me something or not, but I just let it roll off my back)
Don't feel bad about your reactions, and it does not make you a prick. You are just fully human!!

Been divorced from my first wife for 15 years. We have a son together who is almost 17. Early after the divorce, she called me and started chewing my arse, I hung up. She called back and started again, I hung up, third time she called she said "WHY ARE YOU HANGING UP ON ME!!!!" I said... "I'm no longer married to you, I don't have to listen to you carry on like that, if we need to talk it will be done like civil adults or not at all, can you do that?" Boom, she blew up and I hung up. Few days later she called back about the same subject and was completely calm. Ever since then it's been minimal contact only when it involves the son. She hasn't changed a bit, two emotions getting ready to blow up, or in process. She has learned how to get through a phone call, but I've only had to hang up on her once that I can remember in the last 6 years.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago-
I went out one night with a buddy,I rarely do that. We went to a bar here in our small town of 15,000. Of course, ex walks in with her newest husband. Sees us and picks the closest seating spot. We finished out drinks and headed upstairs to see what was going on...two level bar. Order a drink, sit down, here she comes. Same thing, closest possible seat. Finish drink, go to a different bar that's only 1/2 a block away. Get drink, sit down... and once again here she comes. Through all of this, I did my best to ignore her completely... obviously knew she was there and made efforts to avoid her, but didn't speak or make eye contact. My bud commented on how funny it was because she even gave him a dirty look...have to assume it was simply because he knows me and allows me to live.

Her new husband was annoyed, you could tell by the look on his face. I chose not to comment, but I can't say that I didn't feel like slipping him a little note saying "This is the type of behavior you have to look forward to! It's not too late to get it annulled!"

Anyway, They will be an annoyance for a long time, it's up to you on how much you let it get to you. I won't say she doesn't still bug me at times, but it's generally in one ear and out the other and absolutely not dwelled on.