Brandnewk, your description of emotional turmoil the person left behind is feeling is so true; indeed a roller coaster and not a fun one as such but with pain. I am now five months into this separation, and today I thought I have been honoured to be given a chance to experience myself again as a person in my own right. I know this journey to start off was hard and the road still dauntingly painful and the thoughts how someone who was part of my life for 28 years could just go beserk and go off with someone just a few months older than our son and justify it by vilifying me to others to justify his life choices. I am scared and I am scared whether I will be able to cope financially, but I will try. For now getting used to my new status as a single woman and I hope I will do that status proud.. Tryingtor, I can't pretend the journey is rough and humbling, but each day you will become stronger and this B&D site has some pretty strong characters who will support you even if you just read their experiences. There will be a brighter side. :)

so sorry to hear your going thru that, i have a simialar story, but as far as i know mine wasnt cheating but he only picked up and left 3 days ago, while i was at my bday party he was cleaning out the house and bank account, after 13 years of marriage, he wanted me to quit my job cuz it was messing me up i have scoliosis, and he said he rather have me quit us have a good future together instead of me being messed up and not being able to do anything, so i did, he makes a good living, so now here i am no job, no insurance no money, a hot mess, cant eat cant sleep, everyone says get a lawyer but i have no money and nothing coming in, get a job, well whos gonna hire someone who breaks out in tears in the middle of a convo, or somene whos throwing up 4 times a day. I was completely blindsided, didnt even know he wasnt happy. talking about the future 2 days before that. ugh i cant offer you any advice bucuz i cant figure it out yet either but from what ive seeen on here there are alot of peeps like us lol good luck to you

Really sorry you are going through this. You will get through it. Hang in there. I was going through it back in May 2009. Yes for a while the pain was unbelievable. For a while I felt like I was made of sand, and I was being blown away, grain by grain. A terrifying feeling.
About a year ago is when I recognized not one bit of grief. It's gonna sound weird, but you've been given a gift. One of my mates told me exactly the same thing. I didn't believe him. What a crappy gift right? Broken marriage and massive betrayal? The pain sucks and I remember it all too well and empathize with you.
But the awesome part is the self discovery and the new lease on life that eventually wanders in. My marriage never reconciled. She left for the other guy and I am so glad she did. He is welcome to her. Not to say I didn't love her. Loved her with all my heart. But sometimes some people you love are toxic for you and life is so much better without them.
Perhaps your wife will show remorse and you guys will reconcile. I hope so because I still believe in marriage. But if it doesn't work out, don't worry. You're going to fully recover either way.

People on this site also helped me an amazing amount when I was at my lowest. Forever grateful.

((HUGS)) i am sorry to hear about what your going through. you have to remember that you are a good person and that you did nothing wrong. With time things will get better, but it will be hard at first. Just keep your head up :)