Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
So, I found this page tonight and perused it a bit before deciding to join. Seems like a place that I need to be right now :(
My bf, of two years, and I just broke up two weeks ago and I feel as if my world is crumbling down around me. I am divorced, I have been in other relationships...but this one has me feeling as if my world is ending, like I can't bear to get out of bed and face the world every day.
Kam and I met Sept 15, 2010. He was freshly divorced (his wife moved out in August, officially divorced the first week of Sept). Yep...should have been a red flag, I know. BUT, it was one of those story book moments...the instant that I saw him, I knew he was mine. I can't explain it. We were together for about 6 weeks, when he basically stopped called and coming around. I found out, through others, that he had gotten back together with his ex wife. Ouch. Red flag #2. He stayed with her until just after the new year. One night, I got a phone call from a very drunk Kam (Red flag #3), begging me to come back to him...telling me that his ex wife was not what he wanted, that she was terrible to him, that he realized why he left her in the first place,...everything that I wanted to hear. Even tho I was hurt, I went out and saw him that night. We agreed to try things again the following day.
I foolishly moved my children and I into his house in March 2011, after only being back together for a few months. That is when that I discovered that he drank a LOT (Red flag #4). Wasn't long before I realized that, in reality, I was living with an alcoholic. When things were good with us, things were great...when they were bad, it was BAD! He treated me as if I were nothing most of the time. Sex was terrible, because he was always comparing me to his ex wife. He was always pointing out beautiful women and telling me what he liked about them. In two years, he never ONCE called me beautiful or told me that I was pretty. He made me feel stupid, constantly criticized everything I did and how I did it, often interrupted me while I was talking and never let me finish, was usually disrespectful to me and the kids. No clue why I stayed...think I developed a co-dependency problem. I started feeling stupid...started feeling ugly...started feeling like my kids really were messed up and needed his "guidance". Red flags #5-10
He, throughout our relationship, had lots of women that were just "friends". Now, I am not normally a jealous person...but he made me a really angry, jealous individual. Every time that we had a relationship problem, he ran to one in particular. Even the neighbor was a problem...super cute little thing, in her 20s, was always fawning all over him, he was often texting her, I found inappropriate Facebook messages between the two of them, etc. There was always 3 people in our relationship. Red flag #11
The alcoholism finally led to me moving out last May. I was at a breaking point. I couldn't take it anymore...my kids were miserable, I was miserable, he was miserable. He decided one night, in the middle of a drunken rage, to throw me out. Granted, I was already looking for a place...but he told me that I had three days to "get my shit out of the house or it would be thrown in the trash". I had a new apartment the following morning. Not where I really wanted to live with my three children, but better than his house.
He lived the last three weeks of May in a drunken stupor. He would call me, Facebook message me, text me...and I ignored them all. I didn't care what he had to say...until I got a message from his nephew the first week of June, telling me that he had begun AA. I agreed to meet with him, and we tentatively became a couple again...with the agreement that I would stay in my apartment and he would stay in AA.
Forward to now. We broke up two weeks ago and I'm angry...I'm lost...I'm hurt. I supported the man through everything. I continued to support him for the last several months of AA, accepted every single weird habit of his, accepted months and months of drunken behavior, have spent two years building up his self esteem, have supported him through every endeavor, changed everything about myself to keep him happy...and he leaves me because the kids and I "are a threat to his sobriety". Seriously?? WTF??
He has his reasons, some of which make sense...most of which are selfish. He tells me that he wants to remain friends, which I think I'm willing to try...just not sure how to accomplish it. He asked me tonight where I went today (he read that I wouldn't be home today in a message to his sister). I told him that it wasn't his business, that he really didn't have the right to know where I go, since he made the decision that we aren't in a relationship anymore. The right thing to do? No, probably not...but I was mad. It's not really his business anymore...I don't ask where he goes, who he's with...because it's no longer my business or concern.
There's so much more to the story, but this is already so long. I'm just at a point right now where my head KNOWS that the kids and I are better off. I know that. But, that doesn't lessen the hurt that I feel. I'm so lonely, I'm so lost, I'm so depressed. I can't figure out how to cope with things right now. My heart is so heavy...and it shouldn't be. I totally get that in my head. The man is terrible for me. The man treats me like a dog. So why on earth is this break up killing me?
My bf, of two years, and I just broke up two weeks ago and I feel as if my world is crumbling down around me. I am divorced, I have been in other relationships...but this one has me feeling as if my world is ending, like I can't bear to get out of bed and face the world every day.
Kam and I met Sept 15, 2010. He was freshly divorced (his wife moved out in August, officially divorced the first week of Sept). Yep...should have been a red flag, I know. BUT, it was one of those story book moments...the instant that I saw him, I knew he was mine. I can't explain it. We were together for about 6 weeks, when he basically stopped called and coming around. I found out, through others, that he had gotten back together with his ex wife. Ouch. Red flag #2. He stayed with her until just after the new year. One night, I got a phone call from a very drunk Kam (Red flag #3), begging me to come back to him...telling me that his ex wife was not what he wanted, that she was terrible to him, that he realized why he left her in the first place,...everything that I wanted to hear. Even tho I was hurt, I went out and saw him that night. We agreed to try things again the following day.
I foolishly moved my children and I into his house in March 2011, after only being back together for a few months. That is when that I discovered that he drank a LOT (Red flag #4). Wasn't long before I realized that, in reality, I was living with an alcoholic. When things were good with us, things were great...when they were bad, it was BAD! He treated me as if I were nothing most of the time. Sex was terrible, because he was always comparing me to his ex wife. He was always pointing out beautiful women and telling me what he liked about them. In two years, he never ONCE called me beautiful or told me that I was pretty. He made me feel stupid, constantly criticized everything I did and how I did it, often interrupted me while I was talking and never let me finish, was usually disrespectful to me and the kids. No clue why I stayed...think I developed a co-dependency problem. I started feeling stupid...started feeling ugly...started feeling like my kids really were messed up and needed his "guidance". Red flags #5-10
He, throughout our relationship, had lots of women that were just "friends". Now, I am not normally a jealous person...but he made me a really angry, jealous individual. Every time that we had a relationship problem, he ran to one in particular. Even the neighbor was a problem...super cute little thing, in her 20s, was always fawning all over him, he was often texting her, I found inappropriate Facebook messages between the two of them, etc. There was always 3 people in our relationship. Red flag #11
The alcoholism finally led to me moving out last May. I was at a breaking point. I couldn't take it anymore...my kids were miserable, I was miserable, he was miserable. He decided one night, in the middle of a drunken rage, to throw me out. Granted, I was already looking for a place...but he told me that I had three days to "get my shit out of the house or it would be thrown in the trash". I had a new apartment the following morning. Not where I really wanted to live with my three children, but better than his house.
He lived the last three weeks of May in a drunken stupor. He would call me, Facebook message me, text me...and I ignored them all. I didn't care what he had to say...until I got a message from his nephew the first week of June, telling me that he had begun AA. I agreed to meet with him, and we tentatively became a couple again...with the agreement that I would stay in my apartment and he would stay in AA.
Forward to now. We broke up two weeks ago and I'm angry...I'm lost...I'm hurt. I supported the man through everything. I continued to support him for the last several months of AA, accepted every single weird habit of his, accepted months and months of drunken behavior, have spent two years building up his self esteem, have supported him through every endeavor, changed everything about myself to keep him happy...and he leaves me because the kids and I "are a threat to his sobriety". Seriously?? WTF??
He has his reasons, some of which make sense...most of which are selfish. He tells me that he wants to remain friends, which I think I'm willing to try...just not sure how to accomplish it. He asked me tonight where I went today (he read that I wouldn't be home today in a message to his sister). I told him that it wasn't his business, that he really didn't have the right to know where I go, since he made the decision that we aren't in a relationship anymore. The right thing to do? No, probably not...but I was mad. It's not really his business anymore...I don't ask where he goes, who he's with...because it's no longer my business or concern.
There's so much more to the story, but this is already so long. I'm just at a point right now where my head KNOWS that the kids and I are better off. I know that. But, that doesn't lessen the hurt that I feel. I'm so lonely, I'm so lost, I'm so depressed. I can't figure out how to cope with things right now. My heart is so heavy...and it shouldn't be. I totally get that in my head. The man is terrible for me. The man treats me like a dog. So why on earth is this break up killing me?
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Just thought I would join this group now that I am a widower. My wife passed away May 28th. She was "The Wind Beneath My Wings". When I met her, I was a drunken, dope smoking, fighting, hell raising biker. She told me if I could get rid of the inner storm within me, that I could be a blessing to people. God placed her in my path to stop me. I have been drug and alcohol free now for 53...
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My husband and I got our foster license last month, after 3 years of hard work (we had to start over multiple times due to family dramas and Mom's open heart surgery). We spent a year preparing the whole house, guest rooms, and children's bathroom for older kids of 7 yr old and up. Then we got a call that we have been approved to receive twin newborn premies. What, what?!! Babies!? Premies?!...
You did the right thing. You and your kids do not need to be in an atmosphere of an alcoholic. Their behavior affects everyone. Don't be so hard on yourself. He doesn't need to know where you go or what you are doing. You must separate yourself and start a new life for you and your kids. Whatever choice he makes are his choices now and he must live with them and the consequences that go with them.
Your main goal now is to take care of yourself and build a secure home for your kids. You deserve better and life is too short to live like you have with him.
These feeling you have are caused by this relationship. You have been brow beaten so long that you have accepted his abuse as being truth and it's not. Do what you have to do to become the you that you want to become. I wish you the very best.