You came to the right place. This group got me thru some tough times. I'm sure it will do the same for you. My ex cheated on me too. I stuck by her even when she went to jail. Lots of good people here.

3 months is really short still. My wife pulled exactly same thing after 24 years together, she was banging some new guy and after 3 weeks still living together i told her to move out also. She's now living with him 17 months later.

All you can do is take it a day at a time, the first year was the hardest and there are still some days I feel sad or uncomfortable but nothing like the grief in the early months. Our kids are older, our son has absolutely zero to do with her and our daughter chose to live with me instead of her and while they still talk and text they hardly see each other. My ex also lost her job a year ago and hasn't worked since so she's 100% dependent on her new guy, who after he moved in HER apartment he then moved in one of his daughters and also wants a cousin to take over the couch lol. Sounds like bliss to me.

Just know over time it does get better. Cheating is a choice your ex made. Let her live with the consequences.

Welcoem to the group and sorry you have to be here. It har going through a divorce and especially when one of the partners is a cheater. :(

My divorce started in June 2009 and was final in Nov 2010. I was married to a EVIL Mentally Ill woman. I can tell you that my life has NEVER been better since finally stepping away from the world I built and looking out for myself and my two kids. I am not abused any more, I make all the decisions and I dont have anyone to drag me down, belittle me, or treat me like a slave.

It hurts at first giving up everything you once knew as your life, but you can and will get through that eventually and then will be better and more focused to look for a new life and happiness.

Someone once told me that divorce is just like a death and you will go through all the same stages of grief and some of them more than once.

I wish you luck !

Welcome to our little family, sorry you find yourself here but this group will be a huge help to you!
I was married for 20 years, divorced him (he was mean and a controller) and was single for a couple of years. Fell in love with a man and married him. We had been married for 7 years when he up and left me during the night in Feb. 2014 (he left his first wife and kids years before we met) He went on to divorce me and it was final in Jan. 2015. Nothing could change his mind. I thought it wouldn't happen to me but it did.
We can't do a darn thing about "their" decisions. I won't lie, this is a tough road you are on, and you're going to have bad and good days. In the beginning the bad far out weigh the good, but with time and as you heal the good days start to out weigh the bad. You won't believe it now, but it does get better. Just take care of you and take this journey one day at a time, one minute at a time. Don't be afraid to ask for help, talk it out with whoever you trust and come here often. We understand what you're going through and what you will be going through. We will cry with you on your bad days, cheer with you on your good days. This group literally saved me and helped me through the rough days. I will be forever grateful to have stumbled upon this site during my darkest days.
Hang in there, keep your head up and look forward, not behind. Hugs!

Sorry for your predicament. I hope the affair works out for her because research suggest that it does not work. You are in the appropriate place in that we here have been through our own emotional roller coasters and somehow survived. Focus on you and what you need to do in order to stay sane.

Thanks everyone! It sucks to be here but I didn't get much say in the matter. It's really hard losing someone that you trusted so much. All the dreams, etc. are gone now. Working on this one day at a time. Trying to focus on my girls and finding a new life for me. It helps that my daughters are with me most of the time. It's just amazing how many have been through this!

I am sorry you have to be here with us. But since we are all here at least we can mourn, grow, heal and hopefully laugh together. I too was shocked to see just how many people are here and how similar our stories all are. I am starting to work towards acceptance myself and focus on my own life and my kids. I know it's not easy but I think we all try to move on to some degree. I am glad that your children are with you a lot. Mine are 5 and 12 now and are also with me most of the time. My husband had an affair and is now with the OW. He blindsided me with everything and never tried to work on anything. My kids don't know about the OW so he spends a couple days with the kids and the rest with his OW. I know I won't be able to keep her from my kids forever but I am going to do my best. I hope that you can continue to move forward. Being caught off guard and given no choice sucks. We just have to make the best of what's left.

It is truly amazing how similar stories are. I supported my exh for 8 years while he was a stay-at-home day. Just over a year ago he blindsided me with the news he was having an affair and leaving me. I had absolutely no say in the matter. At the time I was gobsmacked to have no say - that he could be so definitive. So absolute. In hind sight maybe that was better. There was no hope to cling too... I just had to accept it.

The first year was hell. I am now starting to "wake up". I am starting to make peace with the dreams that will not be.

Sorry you are here. It does get better. Slowly.

You are not alone that is for sure, as you can tell from all the comments above, and like others have said, 3 mo. is nothing, and after 23 years/28 together it is def nothing! give yourself time, one moment, one day, at a time....

Keep your chin up, remember that you are going through a grieving process and it is up and down, it is OK to feel all the emotions that you are. Let them come and process through them, I recommend a counselor mentor, someone in person you can meet with, also this site will be a great help and support and make sure you are just loving on yourself, being kind to yourself by how you think about yourself, what activities you are doing, what you are eating, etc...

one day at a time :) and remember that " this to shall pass"

Today has started out ok. Not the total emptiness and despair I feel most mornings. Slowly starting to accept that it's over. Still doesn't help with the lies and betrayal. I do see a counselor every week and talk to family frequently. Problem is my family lives over an hour away. Plus I was so busy being a husband and father I never built any real friendships with other men when we moved here. So I am glad I now have a place to vent on those bad days. And know the people here really understand my feelings. Thanks everyone!

So Sorry for your loss and pain
19 years together....2 years since separation now
It has been a living nightmare....but slowly does get better
I struggle still...but have a new life

I'm so sorry for your pain. I also had no choice when my stbx told me that he wanted a divorce. Said he wasn't happy. We had been together for 26 years (6 years living together, 20 years married). In the six weeks it took him to pack all his things and move out, he also found time for online dating and found the OW that he is still with. He told our teenage daughter about the OW the weekend that he moved out and introduced them only a few weeks later. He had always been kind towards me however the sheer callousness in which he treated me while he was exiting the marriage left me on the verge of a breakdown. I lost 23 lbs. in the first 3 months as I couldn't eat and I couldn't sleep more than an hour or two at a time. After about four months I went to the doctor and requested medication to help with the depression and the crippling anxiety attacks. It's been ten months now and I can see that I have improved although I still have a long way to go. What helped me? See your doctor for medication for anxiety/sleep/depression if you need it to get through the initial crisis. Seek the help of a therapist to help you sort through your feelings. Attend a divorce support group (ie, Divorce Care) and talk with people who are going through the same thing. Continue to vent and/or seek guidance from this support forum. There are some wonderful people here. Exercise. It helps to release some of the anger/pain and increases endorphins that help you feel a little better. Keep busy doing things you enjoy but also take time alone to reflect. And be there to support your kids as they are also suffering but don't burden them by being needy or by venting to them about your marriage breakdown. Initially, just think about getting through the next hours or day. Thinking long-term will overwhelm you. Go strictly No Contact. The least contact you have with her, the better you will be able to heal. I have not seen my stbx in six months although he lives 5 minutes away. We communicate by email or text only and only about issues related to the house, divorce or our daughter. Do not try to be friends with her. She is not your friend. Unfortunately this is a long process. Be prepared for the roller coaster of emotions. Some days you will think you are making progress then something will set you back but overall you will move forward at your own pace. Although I am very angry at my stbx, I have vowed that I will not hate him or become a bitter person. That will only hurt my recovery. I wish there was a magic formula for making the pain go away but there isn't. Hugs.

Thank you 26yearsg! I was shocked the 1st time I was told she wanted to separate. We (I) worked on it for awhile but I didn't know at the time she had an affair. That came out later. Like you, she turned so cold and callous when she decided that's what she wanted. Once she was out then she wanted to be friends. Text and talk like old times. Even hug me when we saw each other. After a couple weeks of that, I decided it had to stop. So, i'm at no contact except for kids. She still tries to text me crap sometimes to which i just don't respond. She crushed me and i have no intentions of being her friend. I too like you couldn't sleep and could barely function. I went to my doctor and she has been awesome. We are still trying to find the right meds and dose, but I am working with her. And she gave me some meds to help sleep. I used them for a couple of weeks but now I rarely need them. My emotions are still all over the place and i'm am coming to terms with that. I see a counselor at least once a week and two times if i need to. I'm so thankful for great insurance! So now I am trying to figure out what makes me happy. I just have to be patient with the search. After 18 years of being a provider, husband, and father that all changed. Dreams of the future were wiped clean. Now i have to find a new one. I am so glad people like you are willing to share with me. Even though we communicate on-line, we are connected through a traumatic experience. Others just don't understand unless they have been through it. It's sad that we are all here, but we cannot control that. So now we all just try to rebuild out lives and hopefully one day our trust that there are good people out there will return. Thank you again for sharing and i agee 100% with your advice.

Hi. I am new to this site. I have been with this guy for 2 1/2 years and we lived together for 2 years. I had been divorced for 25 years before he moved in so I wasn't used to having anyone with me all the time. He moved into his own apartment in May 2015 and he said he wanted to stay together. I had a hard time trusting him because he was so secretive. Well Friday I found out that he was talking, texting and having sex with someone else. He lied to me at first and told me she lived in California but she actually lives not too far from him. He even told her he loves her. I am really hurt and confused. I am having a hard time letting go because he keeps telling me he still wants us to work and he has ended it with her but he has lied so much I don't think I can trust him.