I'm currently separated from my husband of 6 years,  together for almost 11. We have one child . 

Things were rough for the past couple years.  Poor communication and lack of work on the marriage on both parts. 

Almost a year ago I had an emotional affair ,  it lasted for only a couple months. And I felt that I was done with my marriage.  I told my husband I wanted a divorce and that I was in love with someone else. His reaction was not what I expected.  I truly expected him to say it was what he wanted too .  I was shocked. 

We agreed that we wanted to stay together and work on the marriage,  but I still felt reluctant in the first month or 2, just due to past issues.  He tried,  suggested counseling (we went a couple times, I should have kept going but we didn't. )did some other nice things for me. But I still felt like he was not hearing me. I avoided talking about hard issues because I didn't know what to say. I guess I just felt like I wanted him to take the lead on some things. Saying that it just sounds stupid. 

We did try doing things together but also started doing things apart. 

We then agreed maybe separation was the next best move. We were still caring towards each other saying I love you once in awhile. From his actions and our conversations I  thought this would be a fresh start for us. Going on dates,  counseling. 

The week that I moved out I notice a chance in him and he tells me he doesn't know if he will ever want to work on the relationship again. He's too hurt, drained,  etc..He feels like I left him alone and didn't try enough. 

I'm devastated. I realize all the things that I could have done and didn't.  This month has been a guilt and shame spiral . 

I've started reading every book I can,  apologizing to him (long emails,  conversations ), his family. He's not sure if he can do counseling any time soon and he wants space . 

He's also told me that he has been talking to a girl at work. I've tried telling him that I don't think it's a good idea. As I know myself it made me focus all my feelings in the wrong directions . 

I feel good about the fact that I have said everything I could possibly say. I can see a difference in myself and in turn I have been able to fully communicate why I felt the way I did. I apologized throughout the year and have asked for forgiveness many times. 
He is a great person and I do believe he forgives me, it was the shut down way I acted afterwards that hurt him the most. 
I feel we have talked more honestly these past couple months than we have in years. 
His family is supportive of us working it out. So I hope that helps.

Is there any hope?