Breakups & Divorce Support Group
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Alright so for the past two months I have been lashing out at my husband since I found out he had a lover. I have bashed him via text, threw his clothes out and left them in trash bags at his van, ect. ect. He of course was chosing to ignore me and not reply in any negative way when I was lashing out at him, but he also chose not to reply to any of my texts with simple requests that involve the up keep of our home where I reside.
So I got tired of being in agony because I still love him and miss him, don't worry I still have my head screwed on straight and realize he is sneaky.
I did decide to text him " I am praying for you and I forgive you" I didn't even mean it but through it out there. I also followed it up with a text that I meant sort of as a dig but it could have also been seen in a p;ositive light.
Since I text that and remained calm and did not mention his addictions ect, he has been texting wanting to take care of the requests I have and we are cordially respecting each other. My concern is that he is going to see this as my way of reconsiling but it is not. I have not asked him if he is still seeing the other woman and nor do I want to. He has a lot of recovery ahead of him. If he does start to get mushy I am not sure what to say but I plan on saying as gently as I can "I;m sorry Bill, I can forgive you but I cannot go back into a dysfunctional relationship". What do you think? Any thoughts?
Cissy
Posted on 02/21/12, 06:23 pm
So I got tired of being in agony because I still love him and miss him, don't worry I still have my head screwed on straight and realize he is sneaky.
I did decide to text him " I am praying for you and I forgive you" I didn't even mean it but through it out there. I also followed it up with a text that I meant sort of as a dig but it could have also been seen in a p;ositive light.
Since I text that and remained calm and did not mention his addictions ect, he has been texting wanting to take care of the requests I have and we are cordially respecting each other. My concern is that he is going to see this as my way of reconsiling but it is not. I have not asked him if he is still seeing the other woman and nor do I want to. He has a lot of recovery ahead of him. If he does start to get mushy I am not sure what to say but I plan on saying as gently as I can "I;m sorry Bill, I can forgive you but I cannot go back into a dysfunctional relationship". What do you think? Any thoughts?
Cissy
Posted on 02/21/12, 06:23 pm
Yes, I understand where you are coming from. It sounds like you have a lot of history, and a lot of residual feelings. Please think it through about the divorce. I don't recall that I read if his addiction is new or he has been struggling for a long time. I believe in 2nd chances, but I probably wouldn't put myself out for 3rd, and definitely not the 4th. And, when you are sure, he needs to know. The decision will change the lives of 2 people.
I am starting to be happy. I have a male friend I talk with daily but nothing beyond a first kiss last weekend. He lives a distance so we can't be together much which has been very good. He is mature and very easy to really communicate with. He knows of my situation with Bill and has been very objective. Of course I know he also has feelings for me but we both agree our lives probably won't mesh.
It will be interesting when bill calls me after he "getting my ashes at Mass, I will call you later " text. I am going to request to meet with him to discuss our agreement. He will either cooperate bc he is still with her and wants out or he will resist b/c he thinks I want him back. Who knows? Thank u so much you guys. I need direction and support.