Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hello! How is everyone? I've posted a few times before, so grateful for the support you have shown me
It's been almost 2 month since we finally agreed to divorce, 6 months of trying to make it work before that. Looking back, I think he had decided to leave the very first time he sat down and told me we had problems... almost no point in those 6 months where I tried to get him to see differently but in reality he used me, gas lighted me and was cowardly to end it in the end. In hindsight I wish I just left him straight awat, I would have been hurt less in the end. But I'm trying not to hold bitterness and rage
The main and excellent advice from here was to get a lawyer and a therapist. I have done both although we are trying to be amicable and do this without lawyers to save money (we have a property but don't have kids).
I definitely find some days hard but I've gone no contact (except for finances), I'm working on self care and trying not to think over every little thing that didnt work and I seem to be riding the wave of my feelings quite well (she says, I have cried most days but also danced or had a bath or yoga too, all un the balance I hope!)
I have quite low self esteem and that seems to be the biggest issue, I cant quite imagine anyone wanting to be with me or being attracted to me! I can look in the mirror and cry and feel so viciously horrible to myself. I've booked it have my hair and nails done whixh I hope with the therapy, starts to help. Any ideas how to overcome this part of a divorce? Friends are telling me to get on the dating scene but I can't quite imagine that's the best route...
I have to (and want to) sell and move I can't afford the area I live in and will need a smaller space and a few other compromises. I'm finding this bit hard now, I dont know where to live or how to decide. I'm worried about money but should have enough to buy a small flat in a half decent place... but should I rent first? And where should I place myself? Where I currently live is suburban family orientated. Since I dont have that now, it doesnt feel right.
In some ways I'm excited for a new start but mostly I am scared of the unknown (where can I go!) and also worried that I'll get it wrong (chose wrong place to live, waste money). Some days I dream of moving to the other end of the country (UK) and others I want to be close to my family ... but I want something different so it's not a reminder of what I've lost!
So, has anyone figured out how to manoeuvre through this bit? What helped you to decide where to live and what you wanted in your new and different life?
Xx
If I were in your position now, with the current market, I'd keep an open mind about both buying and renting. In my area, the housing market is low inventory. Maybe just find 1-2 places you love, and can afford? And at the same time, get your place ready for sale, or see if you could better afford it with refinancing.
Also, I would advise focusing on making new platonic friends right now, and placing less emphasis on dating. I didn't date for almost 2 years after my divorce was final - it just happened that way, because I'm selective. Even so, it is a confidence killer. There are a lot of damaged men out there, who won't be supportive when you are most vulnerable. Most of them say they want a relationship, but they really don't, and I have learned this the hard way.
Best of luck on your new adventures!
Rushing into it would cause you to possible get attached too fast in an effort to be accepted and numb the pain of the event.
This is your time to grow and shine, do the things you want to do that only a single person can do, there are no partner rules for you currently.
Get out enjoy the sun, flowers, walks even exercise just to feel alive.
Have fun looking at all the different places there are to live, it will be overwhelming and exciting.
Write down your bucket list, of everything you would love to do,
write down all the thing you did daily, keeping a daily journal of all the good things you do will improve your state of mind. yes making your bed counts,
Keep working on the NC with him.
Once you put yourself into your life you will go far and enjoy it.
I pray you are safe and healthy
It's really hard not to feel behind in life. I thought I would be having a kid this year and its back to step one! Lots of my friends are now trying for family or having babies now and I am truly happy for them but it's a hard pill to swallow for me thinking of my own situation. I've found it a bit uncomfortable to be around them as it's all still so raw for me but then I am worried I will lose touch with my friends. I don't have many single friends or divorced! So I feel quite alone in my circle (even though they have been fab and trying to keep in touch, I just feel that they dont really know what to say).
Anyway I will keep going with my journal and working on myself, and hoping things will eventually fall into place