So you may breakup over your daughter relationship? Not sure if I am understanding this. Good job on leaving abusive husband. I know that's not easy to do. Sounds like you did alot of work to work through it all. I know that's not easy.

Hello Msaiseh73!

Congrats on getting away from your abusive first marriage and getting counseling! That is your own self work and that speaks volumes of your strength and desire to heal from toxic behaviors and thinking.

Now...with the new marriage. I have many thoughts. Your new husband has crossed a few boundaries here.

1) making inappropriate comments to another woman
2) the woman happens to be your own flesh and blood
3) showing no empathy or remorse for the actions

What I have learned is that if a man is making inappropriate comments to another woman...there isn't just one other woman. So his behavior is probably a non isolated incident.

The fact that he goes after your own daughter...is such a violent act. That's your flesh and blood. She's 25...but what if she was 17? This man is showing he has no respect for your family or you.

And the classic "NO EMPATHY". If you're codependent...you're probably trying to make excuses for his behavior...like i'm not giving him enough attention, or she's so pretty he couldn't resist, maybe she shouldn't dress like this or that, or maybe she's taking it the wrong way.

Just stop that right now. The no remorse for his actions tells you everything he needs to know. He didn't deny it...and he aint saying sorry. He's saying "SO WHAT MY WIFE?"

Sadly, when we get ourselves out of one abusive relationship...and even if we do therapy...that doesn't mean we are immune to ending up with another abuser...maybe he doesn't hit us this time...but he's sure good at emotional or verbal abuse.

Maybe he's so good at pretending to be a good man...until he gets us to fall in love...and we ignore all the red flags.

And maybe...we have put up with so much in the past...that we let even the little red flags slide.

A red flag is still a red flag.

If I were you...I would listen to what your daughter has to say. And be empathetic to how it makes her feel, and not disregard what she told you. Think of how she may be feeling.

As for your husband...you might want to read up on signs of emotional abuse, men lacking empathy, personality disorders.

See if he fits into any of these categories...and then you might realize it might be more of a behavioral pattern then a one off thing. Difficult place to be...and you might want to see a counselor and discuss your feelings on the matter privately.

Sending you light and love.

@serenityspeaks...no we will probably be breaking up over the inappropriate messages he made to my daughter and his lack of empathy.

@lavender80 yes there has been other inappropriate contacts with other women. Found that out too. Everything you said was spot on. I absolutely believe her and I’m so sorry she was in this situation. Definitely emotionally abusive.

Thank you both for taking the time to send me
Some helpful words.

I'm so sorry to hear what has happened! I have been through two divorces now and I have decided I will never take any crap again from anyone. If it were me I would move on alone because you could never trust him again in my opinion. I hope everything works out well for you

I would like to add one more thing. This guy totally disrespected you and your daughter and he has crossed a boundary that I believe there is no returning from

msaishe! I just wanted to tell you, you are not alone and I'm very sorry you are going thru this. My best friend was married to a physically abusive narcissist for 5 years, and he left her...and she did therapy for a few years.

She met her current husband...and he was charming, thought she was the best woman in the world, and showed gentleman side. The relationship escalate quickly...and they got married.

It's been 8 years and it has become very apparent that she's married to an emotionally abusive man. I started noticing because I had gone thru one myself...she started pulling away...hearing from her less.

After we had a heart to heart recently...she confirmed all of my suspicions.....her husband and her are in therapy...but it's been years of that. She asked me...do you think he will ever change?

I honestly said...you know he has no incentive to change. His behavior gets him exactly what he wants from you...and I think it's his personality.

She often goes back and forth from wanting to divorce and not...b/c they have a young child together. But as of late, she has decided to stay b/c she said she wanted her son to have a two parent home.

But I think she realizes the sacrifice she is making is her identity, mental stability, emotional stability, and living in a constant state of denial...of what is really happening. She has been in therapy and still in therapy...discussing and discussing her husband.
It's been years now. She's depressed, very anxious, and is quite snappy in her reaction to others b/c of the high stress level she is under. It's very sad to see.

She often tells me she's unhappy...then a few days later...she says she's happy. Then she goes back and forth. It's like she's on fire, and standing telling me that there are no flames coming off of her. I really ache for her.

She currently lives off the "crumbs" of his random moments of kindness...and thinks they are the best tasting things in the world.

So if I can share that...and prevent another woman from losing her soul...over the fear of being alone, without a man, without a father for her kid...and remind her...that what she gives up is far more valuable...than this "pathetic excuse of a man."

It's often thrown around....It is far worst being alone in a relationship, than being alone on your own. At least on your own, you can steer your own ship...not drown on someone elses.

Aishe...from your pic...you look like a beautiful, kind, vibrant woman! I have absolutely no doubt that you are capable of attracting a quality man. Let's just make sure this time he's capable of "healthy" love.

Sending you light and love Aishe!

Again, I thank you all. It feels so good to get any type of positive encouragement. I do realize that I’m going to have to make a decision sometime soon...sooner rather than later. . It’s only been 12 days. I am still in shock. I was going onto a deep depression. But I realize I need to make a decision.
Thank you for sharing your stories and insight. I’m just
trying to stay undepressed and focus on self-care.

Protect yourself, protect your pride, protect your health.
You see it, distant yourself from the negative.
ITs not your responsibility to fix him.
You did not choose wrong - he choose wrong.
Heal yourself from this.
Use your support system.

Wow, I am so sorry for the experiences and pain you have experienced!
My first and foremost thought is personally I would not stay with him. To make those comments to your child is inexcusable, especially if he isn't recognizing the severity of something like that
With my experience and education being in mental health counseling, all I saw were flashing red lights reading that. No she is not a minor, but it still feels icky.
I am so proud that you listened to your daughter and let her be heard and believed. So many parents take the side of the spouse.
Focus on you and your daughter now. Step away from a person that is obviously not showing you the respect that you deserve. Time to take care of you!

Thanks @Ncoover. It about 3:30 am and I can’t sleep. Just up thinking about his entire ordeal. Today makes 4 weeks since I found out. The situation consumes my thoughts. We are still in the house together but there’s a constant elephant in the room.

Sorry but he's willing to text your daughter and make inappropriate comments and knows it she didn't stand a chance and that she was going to tell you what is he doing or saying with other women?

Sorry that you need to drop his ass like a bad habit there's no fixing the fact that he was going ask your daughter he may not have cheated yet that you know of but it's only a matter of time if he's willing to be that blatant he's just testing you to see how far he can get with you he's played nice so far. Now is when the real games are going to start to begin. The gaslighting the cheating, abuse you know the signs get out while you can sorry but there's no amount of therapy. That he tried anything with your daughter he crossed the line there's no coming back from

Oh and if you forgive this in his mind you're just giving him permission to do it again and is your daughter's mind you made her feel this scum bag that was hitting on her is more important I don't care if your child 5, 25, or 55 there is no man should be more important than a child drop him like a bad habit

@fadedgypsy ok. Thank you.