Your right about not all men cheat and to be honest with you I know more women cheating right now then I do men. There is the ONE for you out there and someday you may change your mind on marriage , but for now I would say you still have some healing to do.
You have been hurt so bad and I am sorry for that. The only advice I can give you is that you need to look deep into yourself and figure out why you made the choices to be with the ones that hurt you so. We can sit and blame others all day for relationships failing , but we all had a part in it. I personnaly have picked poorly when i came to the women I have dated. Not all of them , but most of them were really bad choices for me!

I wish you peace and good luck !

There is no "One" specific person for you, thats silly nonsense. There are multiple people out there that might match your personality and your overall temperament traits. You have to look at it in a logical manner. Its not about love and sparks flying, its about the ability to live with them day to day and put up with their deficiencies. And we all have our deficiencies. :)

I might entertain living in sin with the right person, but marriage? Hells no.

I dont blame him for the relationship failing. I blame him for not telling me he was unhappy. Instead he went to online dating sites. I blame him for being a liar and a cheat. I fully realize my part and have apologized profusely, but according to him anything that was not my fault was the devil's fault. I chose him because ..I cant possibly explain that. It goes to the depth of my heart. Not something I can explain to anyone.

There is not a "the ONE" out there. There are any number of men that I would probably enjoy being with. Even a few I might consider spending the rest of my life with (not all at once of course!). Marry again? Never.

Yes, I have quite a bit of healing to do. That wont change anything though. Many of the men I meet feel exactly the same way. Never means never.

there is no "one" and no soul mate

love is easy and hard, love is effortless and work, love is giving, receiving, forcing ----- as in "you better get to the dr - kick in the ass for your own good type of forcing, and taking

love is not equal all the time but it evens out kinda

And if you keeping score on it evening out then i don't think that is love


love is trust, between people in a relationship it is absolute trust
I don't have that in me anymore,

sad because that sets a solo path
sad because I am worthy of trust
sad because I know that there are ladies out there that are worthy of trust and would perhaps blossom just a little more if someone where to go out on a limb and offer trust

i think i can can drop the anger in time, the hurt --- nope
try again nope, i've become a coward,
i would not have ever choose to be a coward,
now ... i can't love someone , it would not be right, to go into a relationship as a coward

Honey, I am the same way. But I love being alone. It does not mean I am lonely. I am taking me time seriously. No one to justify what I am doing, when I am going and why I did what I did. Love it. But take it easy, one day at a time. hugs

I like being alone too. I totally enjoyed being single. And I'm getting to where I enjoy it again. It takes time. I've never been one of those gotta have a man to be complete kind of women.

There are things I miss, of course. I can have those things without marriage. I'm not saying never again to caring about someone or sharing my life with someone. Those things may come in to my life again. I'm saying never again to marriage. And I don't see anything wrong with that.

Knuckle - I totally agree. I love not compromising, having to discuss every move I make or, like you said, justifying everything. I got too much to do, and I love I can do it my way.

Well, found out this morning that I DID get the job I interviewed for last week. I start in 2 weeks. Moving away from a town I love dearly. Leaving the best friends I ever had. All because I just cannot move forward while living in the same small town as him and #4. He moved her here last Thanksgiving and married her a week later. I will be finished moving this Thanksgiving.

I start moving the weekend of what would have been our 17th anniversary. Yes, it hurts. yes, I will cry..a lot. But it has to be done. Not telling him where or when I am going. Will change all phone #'s and email's. Going back to my married name.

For the first time in 26 years, he won't know where I am if his fairy tale life falls apart...again.

I wish you lots of peace with your new move and new beginning. How awesome that you get another chance, another shot at being happy, maybe not like how you envisioned before but who cares? - perhaps you'll find even better - stay optimistic.

As far as marriage? - it SUX and it's not for me - my apologies to those who are hurt by this statement.

And no, I am not angry - I am not bitter and hold nothing against my EX - in fact, he pushed me to find myself - to venture into single life which I had never done and I totally love the new me. My new routine, my solitude, freedom, etc.

I still belive in love - but do not associate love with marriage - I also belive in commitment and being exclusive but I am in no hurry to push for that -if it ever happens, great, if not, great as well.

What matters to me is to live a peaceful life and enjoy my family. I no longer need a man/husband to complete me or define me. Is companionship a great thing we as humans need? - Sure, but I can get that without marriage. In fact, I get more attention as a single person than while in a relationship with someone who neglected me day in day out.

So I do not believe ppl moving away from the idea of marriage means they are hurting, they may have simply realized that they no longer want to follow the BS that society imposes on them. They want to live free and follow their own rules.

Wishing you peace. Be well. :)

My therapist, who actually DOES know me and the facts of the situation, would be the first to tell you that I am extremely self aware and understand why I say and do things the way I do.

Since she also knows him, she is also very aware of what is behind the way he acts. It's not abuse. Of any kind. She and I both know why he was not honest about the marriage. Nothing to do with abuse. Nothing I choose to discuss here, because it's not relevant to the topic.

So let's let's stick to the topic which is that I don't see a purpose in ever getting married again. It's a choice. A personal choice. What I dont understand is why anyone is making a bigger deal of it than it should be. People all over the world make the same choice.

I so agree with u jaclyn!!! Me to I feel the same exact way when u said......

There is not a "the ONE" out there. There are any number of men that I would probably enjoy being with. Even a few I might consider spending the rest of my life with (not all at once of course!). Marry again? Never.

Not only will I never marry again, I can't even imagine falling in love again. What would work for me is someone to hang around and do things with - more of a friend. That might or might not include sex, according to our mutual wishes, but I can't see me ever seeing someone as "the one" again.

I know this may sound bitter but I'm not. I love men and really enjoy their company; it has nothing to do with men. It has to do with human beings and what I view as the nature of romantic love. I think that, as a society, we tell ourselves far too many fairy tales about it.

I agree. I see no point in marrying again since I already have children. Also, I think there are still men who view their wives as "property". As in, I am the man of the house and you will do what I say, and I have the right to call your phone ten times per day to track you because you belong to me. My STBX became this way, even though I earned as much as him, and more some years, plus I provided the family health insurance through my job. But I was treated like a piece of property he had control over.