Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
The closer that it gets to the holidays, the more anxious I feel and the more difficult things seem.
The plan had been to stay in town and spend Christmas together. It was something that I had really been looking forward to. Now I'm mourning the loss of that, and am bombarded by memories of past Christmases spent together, whether in town or with his family, and even the ones spent apart with our respective families, when we made time in the day to talk over the phone about how our families were doing and how things were going.
My roommate leaves for home early tomorrow morning, and because I thought I'd be staying in town I didn't ask for work off in the days leading up to Christmas. So I'll be hanging around alone from tomorrow until I fly out on Christmas Eve, and I'm honestly nervous about it. Having someone around to distract me from my thoughts has been crucial, especially since this is an apartment that my ex and I shared. I knew I couldn't avoid spending large amounts of time alone for forever, but that doesn't help to calm my nerves now.
To add to the nervousness, my ex and I had discussed communicating on Christmas before we began No Contact. I think the "plan" is still for him to text me on the day, and I can choose whether to respond. I feel so torn about it... I know if he reaches out I'll want to respond. I know I'll feel guilty if I don't. And I miss my friend, so much. But I know conventional wisdom is that it will only make things harder if we communicate while everything is so raw. So I don't quite know what to do with all of that yet.
I know that, for many of us, this will be the first holiday season without that former significant other. Even if it's not, I can imagine that it can be a tough time for anyone. I hope that everyone manages to find some time to relax in the next couple of weeks, and I'll be thinking of those who are having a hard time with this, as I am!
The plan had been to stay in town and spend Christmas together. It was something that I had really been looking forward to. Now I'm mourning the loss of that, and am bombarded by memories of past Christmases spent together, whether in town or with his family, and even the ones spent apart with our respective families, when we made time in the day to talk over the phone about how our families were doing and how things were going.
My roommate leaves for home early tomorrow morning, and because I thought I'd be staying in town I didn't ask for work off in the days leading up to Christmas. So I'll be hanging around alone from tomorrow until I fly out on Christmas Eve, and I'm honestly nervous about it. Having someone around to distract me from my thoughts has been crucial, especially since this is an apartment that my ex and I shared. I knew I couldn't avoid spending large amounts of time alone for forever, but that doesn't help to calm my nerves now.
To add to the nervousness, my ex and I had discussed communicating on Christmas before we began No Contact. I think the "plan" is still for him to text me on the day, and I can choose whether to respond. I feel so torn about it... I know if he reaches out I'll want to respond. I know I'll feel guilty if I don't. And I miss my friend, so much. But I know conventional wisdom is that it will only make things harder if we communicate while everything is so raw. So I don't quite know what to do with all of that yet.
I know that, for many of us, this will be the first holiday season without that former significant other. Even if it's not, I can imagine that it can be a tough time for anyone. I hope that everyone manages to find some time to relax in the next couple of weeks, and I'll be thinking of those who are having a hard time with this, as I am!
May I suggest go out and volunteer your time at a shelter or a kid's home / school...or is this just crazy talk on my part? You make it sound like some died, but in all honesty we are just talking a relationship here.
You can't make someone love you, and there is no point forcing it if the other person doesn't feel the same way. Women for some reason always seem to think they can change the situation.
Don't get me wrong...I have empathy for you, but try to think what the holidays is all about....giving to the ones less fortunate than us.
This is supposed to be a place for support and understanding. I would appreciate it if you would refrain from making comments that imply that grieving a lost relationship makes someone weak or pathetic (as evidenced in multiple threads). People are allowed to hurt and to grieve when something important ends, and you are not being helpful in making light of someone's pain. Perhaps relationships aren't particularly important to you anymore ("but in all honesty we are just talking a relationship here"), but they are important to others and you should be respectful of that.
I'm not interested in your unnecessarily harsh and judgmental brand of "support," nor in the constant sexism inherent in your comments. I would very much appreciate it if you would keep your opinions on my posts to yourself.
Good luck
Just to be clear: when posting there is a little disclaimer below the comment box that says:
In adding this Comment, I Deltone, do promise to be nice.
Lets try to remember that
I definitely encourage the idea of volunteering in some way during the holidays, or in general during a breakup. It's hugely helpful to be able to focus on helping others, and gives you at least a partial break from being so overwhelmed by sad or distressing thoughts. It can be tough to get myself up and into it sometimes (I volunteer with a group that meets early on Saturday mornings and works outside, and it's getting cold!), but I've never regretted it. And the holiday season presents even more opportunities to help out. So for those looking to fill some time on what might be lonely days over the holidays, there are usually a good deal of groups who could use some help! I'm hoping that my family has something in mind once I get home next week, because a week spent sitting at home just thinking will drive me nuts!
I hope you find a good balance.
I find the HOLIDAYS are especially difficult and painful
Do not turn this into a gender thing because it's not. If you read most of my posts, you will find that they are gender neutral. It was me that ended my marriage, and I have no hidden agenda i.e. like a person dumped.
It's so easy for a person in denial or who is yet to admit that they contributed to the end of their relationship...the longer these people go on thinking they are walking on water and refuse to look at themselves in the mirror, the more breakups they can expect.
My mother passed away in 2011, she was a huge part of my xmas season - sure, I'll volunteer, shop, enjoy the holidays, but the hole that was left when she passed away will always be there during xmas - that doesn't mean I want to act like is the end of the world - it simply means that I am allow to feel.
It's okay to apply tough love - I am all for that - that is actually my style but again, the holidays is a tough season for many - it's not the joyful, let's shop till we drop picture that many love to paint.
Wishing you peace Sarasalt.
Get over yourself and find other things to occupy your time. There is more to life than someone left you....perhaps this is your chance to prove to yourself that you don't need a man to carry you?