its a new beginning. take time to mourn the loss of your relationship but learn to enjoy life for you. you deserve happiness - stay strong!

I was married to a high functioning alcoholic for many years. He came in the door at night with a beer in his hand. Three to four cases of beer in the house at all times. We never went out and I was the designated driver. I live by myself now but I'm not as lonely as I was in that marriage. Yes, mourn the loss of your dreams and make new ones.

"I feel like I'm missing the basic human essentials."... This is so where I am. I feel so empty, detached, and alone. I may not be dealing with the same circumstances as you, but heartache is heartache. My spirit is broken. I wish there was a way to snap out of this for all of us. For our situations to work out. All I can do is to continue to pray. God help us. Just know you are not alone. I may not be able to physically hug you but I'm here with you girl. - Hugs

@thiscantbeit We still live in the same house at the moment. I have expressed my concerns about his drinking and he sees nothing wrong with what he's doing. He is getting me back to the point to thinking our marriage is failing because of me. Like I'm too picky or unrealistic in what I expect from a husband. Over the weekend I was confident and I KNEW what I needed to do for my children and myself, now, I feel like I'm making a mistake because he didn't drink for one day, that maybe this time, he will change. That sounds so stupid considering we've been here so many times I've lost count. The e-book I've been reading put everything in perspective for me, it felt like finally, I began to understand my husbands addiction and what I must do. He laughed at me for finding comfort and coming to conclusions from what I read in it. He called me naïve and simple for being swayed by a book written by someone who "doesn't know" our relationship. I'm having trouble sleeping now because all I want is to be held, told I'm doing the right thing for my family, and to feel cared about. He doesn't understand that. To him, sex is the only way to accomplish those feelings. When I try to explain to him that it's not the same, he gets mad and accuses me of cheating on him. I feel like I'm just existing, not living. His idea of fun is going to a bar. That's not who I am. Before I met him, I never even stepped into a bar. I just need direction and motivation for when he starts to get to me like he is now.

Kathrina, because no one but you is living out your situation, no one can tell you what is going to be "right" for you. But I think you know that you have to get out of this situation. He should no longer be the focus. You have to do what is best for YOU. I know that love makes us cling to the hope of change, it makes us hold onto the potential of what can be or the memories of what used to be. The hardest thing to do is to come to terms with what the reality of our situation is, make a decision, and be consistent in our decision. Standing our ground and knowing our worth doesn't always feel like the best thing. We can't change anyone no matter how much we love them. But know that you deserve so much better. - Hugs

Thank you everyone for all of the stories you have shared and the various perspectives. It truly helps and it has given me a sense of strength I thought I would never have again. It's terrible that there are so many amazing, courageous people out there going through this but it's reassuring that we have each other. Whoever you great people are, where ever you great people are, thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Kathrina, I wish i could hug you, because i to need one right now, just to feel human again.

I'm a guy and I hope what I'm going to tell you somehow will help.

I never knew why woman complain about being lonely, needing love or romance until I married my wife. My wife has no sense of romance and is super independent. She also doesn't care what I do and doesn't pay any attention to me. She loves sex and watches football with me. I used to joke and say shes the wife any man dreams of. About 2 years into our marriage and I start to miss the stuff like watching the sunset, romantic dinners, relaxing walks at the park... you name it.

So, another 2 years go by and I decide that I'm going to give it one more try. I book a $6k trip to hawaii. All she wanted to do was sleep, eat and have sex. I wanted to tour the island, go swimming and enjoy the sun and the beach. I wanted to spend time with her. One evening, the sun was setting and I say... let's go watch the sunset. She replied and said, Why would I want to do that? I didn't get mad though. I ran to the beach and watched it by myself. I took some pictures too.

I came back home and decided that she is who she is and I love her for being herself. Sometimes, I still joke with her that I need a girlfriend and she can remain as my wife. haha.

I guess what I'm saying is that guys will never understand and the ones that do are rare.

@soundwave

It's great that you were able to understand that about your wife and that it works for you guys. :)
It's just that even when we do have sex, he keeps his snuff (chewing tobacco) in his mouth while doing it, so there's no chance of even a little romance there. He's typically drunk by the time we lay down so it's very short and not so rewarding for me. If that happened 'sometimes', I think I could manage, but considering it happens every time, I'm just feeling like it's all gone. All the love, compassion, wanting to get to know and understand each other. He won't touch me unless it's going to lead to sex. I, personally, need more than that.

I do appreciate you sharing your story with me though. ~Hugs

Katrina, this hits so close to home. It's strange how often we feel so alone but there are so many of us going through a very similar situation. Thank you for sharing.