Here's a funny thing. Stbx would tell you right now if you asked that I was the one who checked out of the marriage. (I filed.)

Thing is, he doesn't remember me desperately trying to connect with him over the last 6 years. He won't admit to the 2 times over those 6 years when he said he thought we needed marriage counseling, and I whole-heartedly agreed, and told him I'd be there, you just set it up. (Anytime I've set up appointments for anything for him in the past, be it the dentist, doctor, auto tuneups, service guys, parties, he forgot more than he remembered. Still forgot despite reminders from me. I was not going to get my hopes up for an appointment that I would make with a counseler only to have him forget.) He never set the appointments up with the counselor.

In May 2015 I told him I wanted a divorce. Oh, that got his attention. All of a sudden again he wanted to see a counselor. I said go set it up. Weeks later, no appointment. I finally set one up (really it wasn't that hard), he forgot two appointments (blamed me) and forgot to do the homework the counselor had given us, despite me reminding him and him finally putting it on the calendar. (He denied that that was his writing on the calendar). I could only take stupid for so long.

He still says I'm the checked out spouse.

I guess I'm saying it's all open to interpretation.

He was checked out, had been for years, I just couldn't believe it.

sh39 I think that was great advice! It's also nice to hear from someone 6 years out of a divorce and how they are thriving. When the storm is all around you , the light is impossible to see!

Fight for your marriage. A marriage is always worth it, unless there is violence or verbal abuse. I am here message me! I can be your rock.

LGO most on here have tried everything
In their power. You can not control another
Or will them to change.

I am 4 months post discovery of my wife's affair. I moved out after 3 weeks, was gone 3 weeks then she said she wanted to work on it but she really didn't. So I to have been stuck in limbo. Last Monday I and my brother took my mother to visit her dying sister and as we left I could feel that I wasn't coming back. We were gone the whole week, my aunt passed soon after we arrived. We had a long drive home yesterday and I knew when I got home I had to tell her I could not continue without her trying. I have done my best to turn things around, I am still devastated. My boss is/was my best friend and her affair partner. I am reminded daily by his presence, I have tried to find a job, but no luck yet. So for the time being I am stuck in hell on earth. I want to get to better days.

I'm back. Still on the roller coaster. I don't want to lose my wife and daughter. The negative feedback from my wife has stopped. I have quit drinking completely even though I wan't bad. I have talked and have found that I was verbally abusive to her. Not even close to the extent of most stories. I deeply want to change that. I am not like that at work, I work with people who have disabilities. I have been tested at home and have reacted with love and respect instead of with anger. My wife has noticed the change in me, but it hasn't even made her a millimeter closer to giving us a chance. Do you think it will just take more time to prove myself? Do you think we have a chance? Or should I give up? She tells me that there is nobody else and has not changed anything to make me believe that there is anyone else. To my man brain, it does not logically compute to dissolve a 15 year marriage with an 11 year old girl without even a chance to reconcile? Or am I not seeing the circumstances correctly?

Right now I am still living in our home with my family. She has spoken to a lawyer but not done anything further.

If she's spoke to a lawyer then it's been my experience she's finished. She's getting her ducks in a row and I suggest you do the same before she takes you to the cleaners