I'm sorry you're going thru this...2 years after a 20 year relationship...it's still ok to have those feelings. Not everything will be linear...you will have good days and not so good days....and some things will trigger you.

It's really hard...I know...been in a similar situation no kids though. It's the betrayal, then the abandonment...but it's also the anger from putting up with so much crap...and still being left.

I have fueled myself with anger to move on. Then I have also regressed and wallowed in misery.

I even tried forgiveness...and then took it back and got angry again. LOL.

I often wanted to hear that he was miserable and unhappy as well. If I knew that or convinced myself that...it would somehow make me happy and would be a sure sign karma was kicking his ass.

But all I ended up doing was obsessing over his misery...and just became miserable myself.

I think you need to do some inner work and self care. Put yourself first for once and start asking yourself...what do I want? what do I need?

When you become busy...filling yourself up again ...you will find that you will be less interested in his misery.

Sending you light and love

It's been over 2 years for me. We have 3 kids. Neither of us are remarried. I don't think he dates. But wanted to add how i relate here. It's incredibly hard to move on after so many years in our case was less bit 15 yr. I get very frustrated how I feel. I hate being a single mom. It's so incredibly hard and stressful. I feel so much pressure on myself. In out case he does see them and he does help. But I handle majority of schedules. I not sure how to cope if he does date or married. It's very hard as is.

I am really sorry that you or any of us have to deal with a breakup. There is no easy answer or solution. The same thing for, 23 years, but we just split four months ago. I have found that if I journal everyday, or almost everyday, that it helps toward feeling better. I know it’s going to take a very long time to heal. The certainty to this situation for all of us is there is blame to assign and guilt to feel as well wishing we could have seen things differently. The questions and causes and realizations are endless. Being left to raise your kids alone now, or losing your kids and never getting to see them, is very difficult. All I can say is that whatever you find your calm in, do more of it, as long as it doesn’t include drugs or alcohol (sorry, it has to be said). I wish you the strength you need to get passed this.

I wanted to respond to one question, you wondered if they were happy?

It appears your ex has moved on, remarried as you stated. What good does it do for you to wonder if they are happy? Are you jealous that they could be happy after everything fell apart? Are you wondering if they are happy because you are you? Are you wondering are they happy because you want them to be unhappy by way of feeling how you feel? There are a thousand possible questions.

Your focus should be on you. This is not a selfish thing, but a necessity.

Putting on a brave face is good, but your kids are bright and sharp enough to see this is a lie. I would suggest some counseling for you. Talk to someone, scream at the moon and purge this anger. Otherwise, this will be all that is left of you and you run a risk of passing it to your kids.

I am sorry this is where you are. I am sorry your heart has been broken and you still hurt. You can survive this, you can find happy again. Be safe.

Unfortunately 2 years is not enough time to let go of resentment in this situation. If what you day is true than he is a completely selfish person like you say, so of course he is going to get an attitude when you ask him to do the things he is suppose to do as a co parent. Acceptance is key. You will have to accept that he is not a good person or parent not expect to rely on him. If he is not paying support than report him. After acceptance comes the healing.

Stay strong, it will get better.