try googling it- lots of information when you put it in googles search engine- or any search engine i would imagine.

Narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by dramatic, emotional behavior, in the same category as antisocial and borderline personality disorders.

Symptoms:

* Believing that you're better than others
* Fantasizing about power, success and attractiveness
* Exaggerating your achievements or talents
* Expecting constant praise and admiration
* Believing that you're special and acting accordingly
* Failing to recognize other people's emotions and feelings
* Expecting others to go along with your ideas and plans
* Taking advantage of others
* Expressing disdain for those you feel are inferior
* Being jealous of others
* Believing that others are jealous of you
* Trouble keeping healthy relationships
* Setting unrealistic goals
* Being easily hurt and rejected
* Having a fragile self-esteem
* Appearing as tough-minded or unemotional

Although some features of narcissistic personality disorder may seem like having confidence or strong self-esteem, it's not the same. Narcissistic personality disorder crosses the border of healthy confidence and self-esteem into thinking so highly of yourself that you put yourself on a pedestal. In contrast, people who have healthy confidence and self-esteem don't value themselves more than they value others.

When you have narcissistic personality disorder, you may come across as conceited, boastful or pretentious. You often monopolize conversations. You may belittle or look down on people you perceive as inferior. You may have a sense of entitlement. And when you don't receive the special treatment to which you feel entitled, you may become very impatient or angry. You may insist on having "the best" of everything the best car, athletic club, medical care or social circles, for instance.

But underneath all this behavior often lies a fragile self-esteem. You have trouble handling anything that may be perceived as criticism. You may have a sense of secret shame and humiliation. And in order to make yourself feel better, you may react with rage or contempt and efforts to belittle the other person to make yourself appear better.

Here's another good list:

Symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder

In order for a person to be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) they must meet five or more of the following symptoms:

* Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)

* Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love

* Believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)

* Requires excessive admiration

* Has a very strong sense of entitlement, e.g., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations

* Is exploitative of others, e.g., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends

* Lacks empathy, e.g., is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others

* Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her

* Regularly shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

I have googled it and you are right, lots of definitions. I guess I was just curious as to the particulars regarding the ex's of people on this forum and what made them think their ex was "narcissistic". I guess I'm just grasping at straws..... would like to think my ex exhibits those traits - not that he just fell out of love..... pretty desperate, huh??

My ex is not a narcissist, but I've known a few & also have a cousin who is a textbook-variety narcissist. These symptoms fit him to a tee.

The second list i posted above is pretty accurate. I've seen those symptoms first hand... It's very difficult to maintain any kind of relationship with a narcissist.

Pretty much summarized in first two responses. Mine is the ONE. One biggest problem with them is LACK OF EMPATHY, which is so required in a relationship. Mine didn't know abcd of it, yes he would do a lot for somebody, who he thinks he needs in his life, and who is doing everything on his terms. But he didn't have anything which may be he is required what just other wants. It was always my way or NO WAY....

@ hutheart- thats my husband too. he left me and our baby this past summer when she was only 6 weeks old and it took a court order to get any help from him and "we" planned this baby. If I call him crying or upset, he tells me to stop trying to gain sympathy and grow up. I asked him why he lied and said he loved me or would never leave or wanted children etc etc etc, he said he ment it at the time and to just get over it. bizzare lack of feeling for another person imo

My ex has a Narcissistic Personality . I dont bother with her.I see my kids and thats all I want.

I am always reticent to pin the Narcisstic label on anyone, because there is a little bit of Narcissism in all of us! It IS the psyche's way of self-protection, but when it is recognized, it can be managed.

Two things that jumped out at me from all the reading I have done on this disorder is that when dealing with a true Narcissist NOTHING IS EVER THEIR FAULT. A Narcissist will simply refuse to take responsibility for anyone's feelings even if they are the direct cause of those feelings.

The other thing is that Narcissistic Personality Disorder is the single-most difficult malady to diagnose and treat. Why? Because the Narcissist is very often highly intelligent, charming and extremely manipulative -- so much in fact that the treating psychiatrist often falls victim to their charm!

My X was never diagnosed as being an N, BUT if I had to give the single symptom that ended up killing our marriage it would be his total INFLEXIBILITY on any subject, topic or edict that he issued! It was always HIS WAY OR THE HIGHWAY and he didn't care who or how deeply he hurt them. And it wasn't just me!

All I can say is that I am SO VERY GLAD that man is no longer in my life.

My stbx is like this. He has little concern for his own kids. Everything is someone elses fault. He blamed his bankruptcy on his son. When our daughter wanted to move in with me, he thought we were conspiring against him. He blamed her for problems. He blamed me for never working even though I had a small on line business and took care of details and filling in the fiscal cracks. He blames others for losing his job, he constantly blamed his dad for his own other fiscal problems. Nothing was ever his fault. He won't let me have any of the marital property because he feels that I never worked for any of it so it is all his. I can't even have a boom box. He has three. I've given up. In the divorce settlement all I am getting is my freedom.

My ex is a Narcissist. He always looked out for himself. It was always about what he wanted and needed. He took until there was nothing left to take. The key with these people is the emotions they show are fake.
A member here posted a great link that helped me.(see below)
http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/articles/narcissism-understood.htm

cowgirl has a good point. But a leopard can't change its spots

One thing I know is that Narcissistic Personality Disordered individual lack emotional depth.

My ex had emotional depth for himself, however when it came to me, you lacked the depth and did not view his hurtful behavior as intentional.

An example is that he flirted with women on the dating websites and divulged his feelings, emotions relating to the problems in our relationships.

RPaul: I KNOW a leopard can't change his spots and very few people suffering from full-blown Narcissistic Personality Disorder ever DO because the disorder is difficult to diagnose and their egos are so over-inflated that they rarely seek help! Pathetic.

I think many of us can say our ex's or stbx's carry many of these traits based on how they acted towards, during or after the relationship. But the only way to be really know if someone is a narcissist is to be diagnosed by a professional; amd even then it is personal assumptions. But its a way someone lives their entire life as the traitd defined characteristics not just situational.