Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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kdMac 04/20/2009

I have read that many of you, like me, lived with a spouse diagnosed with a narcissistic personality disorder. I know I have some deep wounds to heal and want to move forward to become a completely healthy person again. I am in counseling, but much I what I have read talks about the need to heal spiritually (not necessarily a religious experience). Can any of you share what process you have gone through, or are going through now, to facilitate your spiritual healing? Any thoughts on this are welcome and appreciated! Best, K

BirkenstockBabe 04/20/2009

For me, the key to healing from my STBXs NPD was about pounding into my head the nature of who the people who have NPD are. That way, I was freed from the crushing guilt of feeling like I wasn't dong enough. People with NPD manipulate those of us who are sensitive by playing on our sympathies. I have sympathy for others, and cry easily, and would do anything for someone I loved. The narcissistic sees that and exploits it. But when I started to tell myself that I could not feel sorry for my STBX, and made my behavior follow accordingly, I started to feel guilty about that, like I was not being myself. But think of it this way: if you are a person who likes animals, and likes to pet and care for little furry creatures, and then a snake comes along, a boa constrictor, you cannot behave the same way towards it as you can with, say, a bunny.

For me, the key to my spiritual healing was giving myself permission not to feel sorry for the STBX--sorry because his mom didn't love him and he had this big love hole, sorry that he had been hurt in life, sorry that he was not in touch with his emotions.

The best stuff I've read about NPD is by Sam Vaknin, although there's lots of good stuff online.....My counselor and other things I've read said that the likelihood of these people changing is very very low.

Hang in there--this is hard. But you're going to make it. You are not the crazy one.

deleted_user 04/20/2009

You should join the physical and emotional abuse support board here.

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