I'm so sorry you're having to go through this :(
You did the right thing by thinking of your daughter. You're not stupid. At that time you were and still are the wise, caring and mature parent. It's ok to be angry right now. There's a lot going on. In fact, it's unhealthy to try and bottle up all of your feelings.

Too many parents out there only think of themselves when separating and cease to think of the total destruction (emotionally, mentally and spiritually) that a separation can have on a child. Unless, of course if there is abuse. In that case, it's more beneficial for the parents to separate than stay together and expose the child to far worse things.
The fact that your wife cheated on you with the builder when your daughter was 11 months old is terrible! wow!!! However, that was more of a reflection of who she is then of the spouse that you are. I speak with experience. Even if she was not satisfied with you then, she should have communicated with you rather than seek whatever fleeting emotion she was seeking when she stumbled upon it with the home builder. You see, relationships require mutual commitment in the form of effort, communication and love, of course. No one is perfect, No relationship is perfect. There is always a solution to everything. The key is to communicate with your spouse. It sounds like you are operating on this level but your wife is not. That is okay at first, but after while being with some one who lacks the commitment to work on their marriage will drain the person who is committed to their marriage which equals unhappiness for either one or both partners.

A couple of things though may be contributing to your wife's "unreasonable" emotions.

1. Menopause - which causes an imbalance in hormones which can last for years. Hormones, as you may already know, regulate many important functions within the body such as a persons MOOD.
2. Dissatisfaction with life - she may have been feeling unfulfilled and empty in life for some time. This may have nothing to do with you but she may be taking her unhappiness out on you as well as blaming you for it. We see the world through our own individual lenses (e.g. perception). Hence, why the number 6 can look like a number 9 depending on which angle youre looking at it from.




For the sake of your marriage and your daughter, I would try to sit down with your wife and talk to her again. See if there's anything about you that perhaps she is not happy with or could be different. See if there's something in her own life she's not happy with. If it's purely physiological, then see if you can find her a good doctor than can offer some help. Medications? Homeopathic remedies?

If she is still unwilling to do her part, then at least you can walk away knowing that you tried your very best.

Although your 51, and it may seem like your old and it would be nearly impossible to find a suitable partner and start over again...that's not the truth and it certainly doesn't need to be your truth. I just met a couple at 70 something that recently met as singles (spouses passed away) and were happily tying the knot! ….

Hang in there!
Know that there's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Rainbow after the storm and hope for a better tomorrow.

Thank you for the nice reply. It helped me.

J2789

That was a very nice and thoughtful response.

HMM,. I understand the menopause thing. My wife and I went through a lot too during this time. She didn't like Doctors so, she would not take any meds to help with the moods. I never knew what mood she would be in day to day. There would be days of pure happiness and contentment and other days when I could never do anything to please her. We had been married 27 yrs. and I wasn't about to give up. We weathered the storm and the 20th of this month, we celebrated 45 yrs. of marriage. If there is true love between the both of you, it's worth the work to weather this storm but, this is a decision you both will have to make.

You should seek counseling, you need to make sure she is seeing a doctor.
You need to make sure you are keeping yourself healthy too.

If she does not want to make it work between you two you cant make it work. If she runs hot and cold then you might have to weather the storm.
While you need to try and make sure you are seeing things from her side of the marriage, you also need to keep yourself in mind as well.

Vent here if you need too

I wish you well. My situation is very similar to yours. I am 52 and have been married for 24 years. My husband sleeps in a different room. We are going to divorce (because it is the right thing to do). He deserves to find happiness and so do I. You will be okay.