Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Thank god I found this site, thank god others are going through what I'm going through. This is my story, very fresh, just this week.
So my husband and I have been married coming up 15 years in March, we 3 boys, 11yrs, 7yrs, 6 yrs, lovely kids but as boys are, a big handful.
We have had our up and downs no end, we've been at breaking point before, but have somehow managed to survive it all. Seems like, the problems we have in our marriage are all too common ones, sex, money, attention.
Anyway, fast tracking to the story, late December we moved into our dream house, its great, needs work (decorating etc) but its the house we have always aimed for, room for the kids etc.
So this new girl starts at my husbands work, already I have a bad feeling about this, she is young, pretty, confident, etc etc - can you see where i'm going here.......
Last Saturday night was his 40th, I organised 90% of the party, for him, we had old friend come from the previous town we lived it, it was going to be great. Now none of his work colleagues could make it, except for - yes you guess it the young pretty thing.
So in nut shell, I had bit too many drinks, and ended up getting taken home, while he proceeded to almost ignore everyone at the party and dance with her all night (he always says he 'doesn't dance), also my eldest stayed at the party, I think he quite liked her too.... bless him.
So while I was comered on the couch at home, he gets caught kissing her at the party outside, not sure what the person who caught them said, but you'd think that would warn him.... then next thing I remember him coming home, and then telling me him and his mate were going to our friends up the road for some more drinks. I believed him, however the next day it didn't add up as he said in front of those friends, nah we went to bed instead, but I remember them leaving. I confronted him in the day as I knew something wasn't right, I asked if he was attracted to her, and he finally said yes, I escaped the house then.... but had to know what happened the night before. I was right, he had gone down to the campsite where she was staying and met up with her, apparently they only kissed, he swears black and blue, but you know cheating is 'if you wouldn't do it infront of your spouse, its cheating'
anyway, I took off slept at a friends house, well, couldn't sleep you know how it is.
I stupidly did put a status on how he had ended our nearly 15 year marriage and named the girl too..... which was met with a lot of support, 73 comments.... anyway, I was angry, as you can imagine.
I went home the next day, and when he got home I told him he had to leave, I went to the lawyers etc etc......
I have had amazing friend support, thank god, and I was adamant that it was over no second chances. Buuuut a few people, have said, but you two are meant to be together, he's flattered, he will come to his senses, there are great councillers out there, it's too much to through away.
So I talked to him, I kept calm, I usually scream and yell, but he says his heart isn't in it, he doesn't have the fight to try and save us, he still likes her a lot (fyi she is known as the town slut, and doesn't have that many friends).
So that was it, but I was so angry, I needed to know how long had he thought like this, we had bought this house, we had booked and paid for tickets to go to the us -Disney world with his family and then to the uk to see the rest of his family, 6 week trip, we've aimed for this for a long time, taking all three kids.
so I asked to see him today, we spent 4 hours talking, and talking and talking.
I think he has major issues that stem from when his parents split when he was young. He kept saying he doesn't have the fight, but I just can't believe him.
He agreed he does have shit to sort out, he can't stop thinking of this OG (I call her a girl, cause she aint a woman). I'm not sure if I should give him this chance or not, I asked him to make a promise that he would cut ties with her, except in a working capacity, and promise to not sleep with her or meet up with her..... finally he promised but I feel it only half hearted.
Am I stupid to give him the chance, he will have a lot more to loose that me, but you see, I am a kind hearted person, always have been. I know that if we split up, once I find myself again, not talking myself up, but I know there will be offers, I wouldn't have to use dating sites that's for sure!! Not that I want to think that far ahead.......
To give the chance or not, I am realistic I did say, if you sort your shit out, and you still think its over, then fine, but should I give him the chance at all?
So my husband and I have been married coming up 15 years in March, we 3 boys, 11yrs, 7yrs, 6 yrs, lovely kids but as boys are, a big handful.
We have had our up and downs no end, we've been at breaking point before, but have somehow managed to survive it all. Seems like, the problems we have in our marriage are all too common ones, sex, money, attention.
Anyway, fast tracking to the story, late December we moved into our dream house, its great, needs work (decorating etc) but its the house we have always aimed for, room for the kids etc.
So this new girl starts at my husbands work, already I have a bad feeling about this, she is young, pretty, confident, etc etc - can you see where i'm going here.......
Last Saturday night was his 40th, I organised 90% of the party, for him, we had old friend come from the previous town we lived it, it was going to be great. Now none of his work colleagues could make it, except for - yes you guess it the young pretty thing.
So in nut shell, I had bit too many drinks, and ended up getting taken home, while he proceeded to almost ignore everyone at the party and dance with her all night (he always says he 'doesn't dance), also my eldest stayed at the party, I think he quite liked her too.... bless him.
So while I was comered on the couch at home, he gets caught kissing her at the party outside, not sure what the person who caught them said, but you'd think that would warn him.... then next thing I remember him coming home, and then telling me him and his mate were going to our friends up the road for some more drinks. I believed him, however the next day it didn't add up as he said in front of those friends, nah we went to bed instead, but I remember them leaving. I confronted him in the day as I knew something wasn't right, I asked if he was attracted to her, and he finally said yes, I escaped the house then.... but had to know what happened the night before. I was right, he had gone down to the campsite where she was staying and met up with her, apparently they only kissed, he swears black and blue, but you know cheating is 'if you wouldn't do it infront of your spouse, its cheating'
anyway, I took off slept at a friends house, well, couldn't sleep you know how it is.
I stupidly did put a status on how he had ended our nearly 15 year marriage and named the girl too..... which was met with a lot of support, 73 comments.... anyway, I was angry, as you can imagine.
I went home the next day, and when he got home I told him he had to leave, I went to the lawyers etc etc......
I have had amazing friend support, thank god, and I was adamant that it was over no second chances. Buuuut a few people, have said, but you two are meant to be together, he's flattered, he will come to his senses, there are great councillers out there, it's too much to through away.
So I talked to him, I kept calm, I usually scream and yell, but he says his heart isn't in it, he doesn't have the fight to try and save us, he still likes her a lot (fyi she is known as the town slut, and doesn't have that many friends).
So that was it, but I was so angry, I needed to know how long had he thought like this, we had bought this house, we had booked and paid for tickets to go to the us -Disney world with his family and then to the uk to see the rest of his family, 6 week trip, we've aimed for this for a long time, taking all three kids.
so I asked to see him today, we spent 4 hours talking, and talking and talking.
I think he has major issues that stem from when his parents split when he was young. He kept saying he doesn't have the fight, but I just can't believe him.
He agreed he does have shit to sort out, he can't stop thinking of this OG (I call her a girl, cause she aint a woman). I'm not sure if I should give him this chance or not, I asked him to make a promise that he would cut ties with her, except in a working capacity, and promise to not sleep with her or meet up with her..... finally he promised but I feel it only half hearted.
Am I stupid to give him the chance, he will have a lot more to loose that me, but you see, I am a kind hearted person, always have been. I know that if we split up, once I find myself again, not talking myself up, but I know there will be offers, I wouldn't have to use dating sites that's for sure!! Not that I want to think that far ahead.......
To give the chance or not, I am realistic I did say, if you sort your shit out, and you still think its over, then fine, but should I give him the chance at all?
For better or for worse...
This is the worse part.
Vows aren't kept by those that don't have the heart "for the fight" as your half-hearted husband puts it
Vows, he has already betrayed his
It seems that he is not arguing all the reasons that he wants a second chance more than anything in this world
If he is halfhearted .... No matter what you do, the 2nd chance will fail in time
But to your question..my advise will probably run contrary to what most here will have to say about your situation but I still will offer it. I, regrettably, went down a similar path as your husband appears to have gone and then came to my senses. Of course, not before a lot of damage was done. Far more then your husband has done so far. Luckily, my W had capacity to be understanding and give me a chance to save my 30 year plus marriage. ANd I am doing everything I can to do it. With that said.. it took me about 30 days from D-day to get my head out of my ass and start thinking with the head I should have been. I was 'fogged" even after I came home and confessed. Sounds like he is too.
Again, I am a very very lucky man, that my W is letting me fight for her and my marriage. My suggestion is... if you otherwise know him as a good man, father and was a good husband before this.. try to find within yourself.. if you can as you have at this point no obligation too... slow things down and somehow get him out of dumb ass mode and start thinking.. Yes. sounds like he is smitten with the OW.. I was too.. but it was an illusion.. nothing more..