Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hi. I hope I'm in the right place. I'm desperate for support from those currently going through what I'm going through.
my husband and I have been married almost 8 years. We've had our ups and downs like most couples do, but it's gotten worse the past couple of years. I will admit that I'm controlling, manipulative, and insecure due to my past. He's got severe anger issues, but we love each other.
Last week he told me he wanted a divorce..that he just couldn't take it anymore. Well, with the help of my father, divorce is off the table for now. He wants to separate. This isn't something I want but I'm forced to comply. He says if I can get the help I need, we can maybe make our marriage work. So, I'm going to start seeing a therapist. I travel for work so we won't see each other much anyway. He says we can talk once a week on Sunday, have no physical contact, etc.
The problem..I am devastated! My heart has never hurt so much. No one, including him, is confident that this will work. He's already so detached. I want to be detached. I want this pain, the physical pain I feel right down to my bones to go away. I am so upset that I'm not even sure which way is up! I'm at home now because our daughter, who is in college, is home. I've been staying at my parents' house and will return there when she goes back to school.
My doctor put me on some meds that I am hoping will work. I had to turn to people that can relate to what I'm feeling. I've reached out to God, many times. Im reaching out to all of you. Please, please, please...im begging someone, anyone, that can help me through this. Please!
I notice you say he has "severe anger issues". I'm glad you're going to start seeing a therapist. Have you been to a therapist before? I ask because you describe yourself so bluntly as controlling and manipulative. Those don't sound like adjectives you would have come up with by yourself.
Is your husband also going to work on his issues with the help of a therapist?
Difficulty lately that is leaving our future quite uncertain. I fully relate to the feelings you're experiencing.. and it sucks. There is no sugar coating it. However, all you can do is take it a day at a time. If you come to an acceptance that all you can work on is yourself regardless of what happens with you and your spouse it may provide you some element of comfort. At least I have found that for myself. I believe in prayer.. and innelieve that the difficulty you are experiencing can be used to create something great try and keep some hope among all the hurt.
It's deeply concerning that you are so desperate to hang onto a man you had to leverage into staying with you under the stipulation that you get psychiatric help and abstain from touching him.
I think you need a 60 or 90 day break. Total communication black-out so you can gain some perspective on your situation. Right now you're freaking out and shoving the drama quotient right up to a hundred.
This may be the most difficult moment of your life, but your husband still has rights as a human being. Marriages and divorces involve two equal partners, not one overwrought partner and her father leveraging the other partner.
My biggest concern is that you behavior under stress is sealing your fate but you're so used to using drama and manipulation that your increasing the intensity at the very moment when you should be dialing that shit way down. It's very possible that your behavior is closing off any opportunity you might have had to prove you actually give two hoots in hell about the man. If he hates being manipulated this is no way to win him back.