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My husband cheated

survivingmom
survivingmom

so this is my first post but I’m seeking advice from anyone who isn’t family or friends. So my husband and I have been married for 2.5 years and been together almost 6 total and in that time he hasn’t always been the most trustworthy, as I constantly caught him talking to other females but nothing more serious then looking for attention at the time. Well I start having that “gut feeling” and looked into his phone and stumbles across him and this woman having an affair for 6 months before I even found out. I was devastated as we have one son and I am a stay at home parent so I relied solely on my husband. I thought we were a team. I hated him but still tried to mend our marriage. We did the marriage counseling for 6 months and it didn’t help but I decided to forgive him and move on. I never brought it up again but I got that feeling again and he has been deleting everything from his phone.. it just feels off.. I don’t know what to do.. i feel like I keep trying and he doesn’t think I’ll leave because I can’t leave him.. some days are better than others but I feel myself slipping into depression and my husband doesn’t seem to notice

OLDBIKER
OLDBIKER
I am sorry you are having to deal with this, It's never easy when a spouse cheats. He evidently is still hiding something otherwise he wouldn't be deleting everything on his phone. In my opinion, he's doing something he doesn't want you to know or see, Just my simple opinion. Keep your eyes and ears open. If he is cheating, it will show up in some form or fashion.
survivingmom
survivingmom
Yes I believe he is still hiding something but after the last time he got caught, I’m almost positive that he has another email account or something because I doubt he would make the same mistake twice to get caught.. it’s sad but it’s like I already know and I have been expecting it. I feel like he took the control from me.. he never wants me to work, always say that I don’t acknowledge his needs when that is absolutely all I do. It’s always flipped around to be my fault but I find myself not caring more and more and it worries me because I feel like I’m losing myself and I don’t know how much further I can go. I just can’t shake the feeling that he just doesn’t respect me enough to be faithful
Rowanda
Rowanda
So sorry you are having to face this issue again. Without trust a marriage is really rough going, and it sounds like trust was broken and never fully restored. It may be time to go back to counseling (yourself) and taking control of your life. What do you want? In life, in your marriage etc? As you grow strong and set goals for yourself you may see a change in him. Whenever one part of a relationship starts to change it forces change in the other. Marriages are worth fighting for, but this fight may have to start with you. It seems like everything up to now has been revolving around what he needs, what he thinks and what he wants. Maybe it is time for you to arise and start taking care of your own needs and wants, as well as your child. As you grow and heal and move on he will have to make a choice. You can't control his choices but you sure can control your choices and future. Is your child old enough that you could get a job and start building a little independence? And maybe join in activities for yourself and your child that will help you grow, ie a church activity group, local parenting support group etc. You might be able to get some good support and a sounding board. You deserve to be respected, if he doesn't it is on him, not you. Respect yourself!
FinallyFreeGirl
FinallyFreeGirl
Survivingmom,

I am so sorry that you are going through this. You should trust your instincts though. You are stronger than you realize and you can get through this. I am sure you have heard others say this to you, but THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Not to lecture you, but your child relies on you to model what healthy behavior looks like. Reach inside yourself and demand that you be respected. Do not second guess yourself either. Ask yourself this, would you want your child to be disrespected? It is up to you to set the tone for how your child will pursue relationships. Again, you are much stronger than you realize. What about attending a support group for infidelity? That may help you feel less isolated as well.

Have a good day!
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