Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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My heart hurts, but I created the mess.

jbcares147
jbcares147

This whole situation is entirely a mess i brought upon myself. I would sit here for days if I wrote everything down so ill try to keep it simple and to the point



Ex and I broke up in 2015, but for the past 3 years have been in a limbo of what we were, always on and off, but mostly off. I ended that cycle early this year, when I started to realize that the roller-coaster we had wasn't worth it anymore, I wasn't feeling the love I once felt for him anymore, it was depleting, and I voiced that to him. Soon after ending things, without any intentions of finding someone, I met a great guy. We started dating in April and became official in August. There was a time before my current bf and I became official that I had sex with my ex. I didn't tell my current bf, but once my ex found out I was in a new relationship, he called my bf and told him. I apologized and we were able to work on that and move forward in the relationship.



This took place in september.^




Now it is Dec. I was having conflicted feelings if maybe i moved on too fast and still wasn't over my ex, and I reached out to him again, sadly. Reaching out to him lead me to hanging out and then having sex with him. He was telling me everything I always wanted to hear once upon a time when I wanted him, then I realized he's really not someone I want anymore. This 100% confirmed it. I want to leave that in the past and never look back, but thats not how life works. My ex then texted me a day later and told me to either break up with my current bf or he'll tell him what happened.



Im so upset with myself for going out of my character and destroying the trust that my bf could have in me over feelings that I hadn't resolved. Everything was perfect, with nothing for me to complain about.




Yesterday I told my bf I had contacted my ex, but didnt tell him that I cheated in him. He has been cheated on in the past and I dont want to be the reason that he never trusts another female again. I've realized that I love him and dont want anyone else besides him. He told me that hes glad I told him, but that he doesnt know how to feel about me reaching out to my ex.




Now my question is, should I just end things for the sake of him? even if I love him? I dont want him to be in a relationshp where he doesn't trust, he doesnt deserve that.



I know i did wrong here, so please dont judge, I already have done that enough to myself.


MrCellophane
MrCellophane
Gee, your ex sounds like a really delightful sociopath. Basically, he's blackmailing you, and you get to pick your poison. Breakup with your boyfriend, or have your boyfriend break up with you. Just in time for Christmas, too!

Your ex sounds like the type of guy who would post your sex videos online, and then email the links to your parents.

There's only one thing to do. Tell your boyfriend, yourself.
serenityspeaks
serenityspeaks
I feel like no matter what that ex is going to tell him so really you should just tell him.

I am sure his actions aren't that surprising seeing as he did the same thing before.
AdelynRene
AdelynRene
Stop going back to the ex and be honest with the bf. Unfortunately, I don't see you having much power in the outcome either way.
FarmMom
FarmMom
It is you, not the ex or the new bf. What drives you to keep returning? Is sex that great? What is the hold he has on you? Figure that out and you will be able to deal with it.
Snipsnipe
Snipsnipe
it is you, you knew that you were with a good yet still were conflicted, the choice then was to shut the conflict down or to stoke its flames, you did
you knew it was wrong
yet you did it
grow and don't pull that kind of crap again in your life
make a clean break from the good guy, he'll be better for it
in the long run you will too
GirlinCalif
GirlinCalif
I'm not judging. I'm just recapping. You and your ex were back and forth for the last 3 years. Even though you claimed to have ended it completely, but you still had sex with your ex, twice. This shows that you are not completely over your ex. Something is still there.... and you need to figure out what that *something* is, before you can move on to ANYone else. I hope it is not because he is blackmailing you?? That is NOT a reason to go back to the ex. But you really need to figure out about the ex, because he will keep popping back up and ruining any other future relationships that you start.

What I would do with the current boyfriend is tell him you are sorry you said you would be in a relationship with him because actually you're still trying to figure out your life. I wouldn't tell the current that you slept with your ex. You are essentially ending it with your current anyway, so why hurt him even more with these details.
11Christmases
11Christmases
Have you blocked your ex? If not, please do. I'm sure you promised your new BF you would cut off contact with the ex, so make good on that. It takes a while to get over somebody, and you have to treat it as if it were a drug addiction and avoid any kind of contact or reminders. I think you'll feel better if you just come clean to the new BF in the gentlest way possible.
OLDBIKER
OLDBIKER
I am sorry this happened but, it sounds as though your current boyfriend is going to find out, either by your ex or you will have to tell him,. You made the choice and now, unless your current boyfriend is gracefully forgiving, you may lose him. Once trust is broken in a relationship, it is very difficult to restore. I have said this many times, "Life is full of choices but, with those choices, comes consequences." Few men or women either, for that matter, do not want to be in a relationship with someone they can not trust., I wish you the best,
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