Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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Tiny89 11/27/2016

My ex who cheated on me (which led to our split) & then after we tried to reconcile things in October told me, "you're not what I want" & "i want to find myself, I don't know what I want". Has been pushing for us to be friends, also that he wants to "hook up" bc he didn't doesn't want to sleep with anyone else .I DID NOT SLEEP WITH HIM BC "JUST FRIENDS" IS JUST THAT. He then also informed me I need to "be a normal" adult & not need to be in a relationship to have sex with someone. Which I think is total bullshit. Anyways he keeps wanting to talk & text all the time. I told him it's hard for me to be his friend bc of my feelings. He then flips it on me saying "if that's what you want, is to kick me out of your life". Honestly, I don't want to be his friend. I don't hate him. My friends say there's an alterior motive. And I partially believe this. I just want to be amicable until I graduate in June. I'm almost done with my masters degree. I just want him to leave me alone. He keeps telling me to date other guys. But I just want to heal myself before I date anyone else. I'm just frustrated with this whole thing. I'm not good enough to be your girlfriend, but im good enough for sleep with (remember I told him no). He broke up with me but he wants to be my best friend ? I just don't get it. I just needed to vent. ugh

justlikemusic 11/27/2016

I feel like he is a very toxic person in your life at the moment. Seems like a terrible situation to be in and your feelings are validated. Maybe it would be a good idea to block his number. It will be hard the first few days but for as long as you're both in touch it will drag your healing process and the agony will be unbearable

kbbcoop77 11/27/2016

If you really want to heal you'll stop listening to his utter nonsense. You're getting a masters degree so you must have some brain power up there. He's manipulating you and playing games so he can still have sex with you. Draw up your boundaries, tell him this downgrade is not acceptable and CUT HIM OFF..! You're young and will find plenty of guys to go out with who you will find will make you wonder what you saw in this knucklehead..

Tiny89 11/27/2016

At Justlikemusic, I do need to block him. It is very toxic and weighs on me alot. You're right, I need to cut him off and not talk to him. It's whats best for both of us. All i know is I don't need his bs anymore. Thank you dear for your response

Tiny89 11/27/2016

@kbbcoop77, i do need to stop listening to his nonsense. I feel like it's just ploy. Like he wants me to hang around just in case he wants me again. & that's not right. I deserve better & someone who treats me better. I need to establish boundaries with him, for my mental health and sanity. He is just trying to manipulate me. He just wants to have sex with multiple women and I won't be one of them. Im smarter than this.
Thank you for your response

LookPastTheHurt 11/27/2016

I feel your pain and wish you loving kindness, peace, compassion, and patience. Take care of you. It's the only thing that you have control over. I too went a little nuts when my wife of 22 years said she needed to find herself. No infidelity, no money issues, and no bid arguments. I was floored and did not know what to do or how to feel. My daughter graduates in June too (High School) so we will be living together until then. My heart aches. I got help through mindfulness meditation. I have been practicing for about 4 months and it has saved me. No "lighting bolts" of enlightenment. Just the ability to calm my mind and learn to bring that into my day. The only thing we control in life is our actions and choices. Other than that, it's a crAp shoot. Be well.

Christiney 11/28/2016

He's all over the place. Block him until he finds his center. Focus on you and not on taking care of him!

trueblue 11/28/2016

It sounds like he isn't sure whether he wants to be in your life or not. He doesn't want to be fully committed, but also doesn't want to be shut out. It also sounds like you don't have kids with him, so there's no reason to continue communicating. If I were you, I would shut off all communication with him. Block his phone number from your phone, insist that he stop contacting you, let him know that you aren't interested in any advice from him, and make it very clear that you are no longer interested in any kind of relationship with him. Period. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life!

sh39 11/28/2016

I'm going to agree with the others here. You need to cut the ex off. You will have to stand up for yourself if you get the guilt trip "you just want to kick me out of your life" speech. Just say, "yes, I do" and leave it at that. Don't get tangled up in a long discussion of why.

Sometimes, you can stay friends with an ex, other times you can't. It all depends on how both people handle themselves. It sounds like your ex wants to be single, but wants to stay together at the same time. Talking out of both sides of his mouth. So in your case, it may be like having to break up all over again when you cut him off.

kjim2646 11/28/2016

Personally, even if you get back together with him it will not work out. He needs to figure out what he wants, and you need to love and respect yourself enough to only give your love and body to someone who fully committs to you.. I think you want that more then this guy. So tell him no, and go find that love you deserve

thecaretaker 11/28/2016

Go no contact. Focus on your studies. Your deserve an 'all' relationship. Hug.

dylanmurphy 11/28/2016

I am waiting in the final sign off from a Judge for my divorce. Stbx is the one who wanted the divorce. She wanted to be friends it annoyed her that we can't be or aren't. I think when a marriage / relationship dissolves it is hard to see them as a friend. Sometimes it is best to let go.

Harder to do when you have children, but being respectful and polite does not make you friends.

Hope it gets better for you. I can imagine it is hard, remember above all else you deserve to be happy!

jojored 11/28/2016

He's messing with your mind, for sure. You know what's right - sex with some kind of committment IS how most responsible adults approach relationships - maybe teens don't, but most adults with any kind of self respect do. Don't let him continue to have power over you. You know who ended the relationship (him), so just ignore his efforts to turn the tables and blame you. Ignore him completely. He has alot of growing up to do.

HopeandMoreHope 11/29/2016

I am so sorry you are going through this. It is not easy when someone is up and down with you who you care about. I applaud you for putting the brakes on and not allowing him to take another piece of your heart. He does not know what he wants and he has made that very clear. So he will not be there for you, he will not share your joy or halve your pain. It is obvious from your words that you are very special. Stay true to yourself and be good to yourself. You have a future ahead of you and you will know when you meet someone who is invested in you emotionally. It is awesome that you are getting your degree and are setting yourself on a positive course. Do not let him rent space in your head! He will not respect your boundaries so do not let him cross them. Stay strong! Reach out to friends and family who will provide the strength you need when you are having a tough moment. I wish you well.

Tiny89 11/29/2016

Thank you all very much for your kind words <3. For some who commented, no we don't have any children. I agree with you guys when you say he's talking out of both sides of his mouth, that he wants to be single and wants a relationship at the same time. I also believe he is playing with my emotions. I did block his number and asked him not to communicate with me. I also have begun looking at homes for me and my dogs. Thank you all for your comments I read every single one. Thank you for your support. I wish you all the best! It has taken me a long time to realize to I deserve the best to. We all do.

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