Your reply #14 reminds me of my daughter when she would come home crying because her best friend said she doesn't want to be friends anymore or something of that nature. I would ride that emotional rollercoaster with her or be mad at some kid who said something ugly only to find out she has forgiven and now they are BFF's a day or two later. My point is sometimes you have to detach. She is working through things by talking to you about them. As long as she isn't being physically harmed you need to let him parent her the way he sees fit. By no means am I saying he is being a good father by some of the things you wrote, but this is part of the journey for all of you. You won't loose her. Most likely because it is a father/daughter relationship she will repeatedly try hard to please him for validation. I know that's how it was for me.

If your ex is saying mean things to your kid she will eventually "get it". So you do the opposite. Say good things to her, how good she is, talented, smart, pretty, etc. Its important for kids to have both parents in their lives as long as there is no danger. But one parent may be better than the other. You can be the better one. It may not have immediate benefits, but it will make a better life for her, and establish a good relationship that will last forever.

Verbal abuse isn't parenting. What he is doing, is outrageous, unless there's an understanding between them, that the insults are okay, and they can travel both ways. And that there is also a positive reinforcement as often or more often than the insults.

#16

yes yes yes

everyone is in upheaval
time needs to pass to settle
for people to figure out how to relate to each other since everythings changed
and there are so many intense feelings

no wonder theres pendulums swinging everywhere

My 13 year old daughter decided she wanted to live with her dad. She stayed for 2 months and then wanted to come back home. She said she never really felt like she belonged at his place. She said it was awkward without having me around. Your daughter may decide to go with her dad and be there just a short time. Just let her know that she is welcome to come home anytime she wants. I picked my daughter up the same day she called me...i was sooooo happy!!

Kiralind - - there is no way in the world I would survive if she came home one day and said that she wanted to live with him. I commend you for surviving that pain.

As for everyone else. I said if before and I will say it again.

T H A N K Y O U !!!!!!!!!!!

I really do appreciate everyones comments.

I have always praised my daughter. Every little thing she did, I would make a big deal about it. As a child, I struggled with my grades. One year I actually earned an "A" in math. That night at the dinner table, I was so proud of myself. My father looked at me and said "why can't you do that all the time". Honestly, I never tried again. Why??? He didn't care how hard I worked. He didn't say good job. I knew I would never do that to my kids. And I never have. I have always praised them over and above. I want them to have the self confindence that I never had. I always wanted to be a cheerleader, but was afraid that I wasn't good enough. My daughter has been cheering since she was 5 and she is good. I pushed her to be out front of a crowd. Not the "show stopper", just not afraid to be noticed.

Every time her father says something negative, all my hard work of praise, goes right out the window.

I do not want her to abandon her father all together. I just want her to believe in herself and not allow him to knock her self esteem down to nothing, like he did to me. I want her to understand that he says what he says because he is insecure with himself and too feel better, he needs to degrade others. I just hope she figures it out before he destroys her.

Thanks for listening to me ramble.