This is awful to go through. She should move since she would rather be carefree and you stay. You are providing the kids a lot of stability. Remember one thing, no-one can walk over you unless you lie down. I am so sorry you are having to endure this.

That's a rough one man sorry, hang in there, stay strong...

That s rough!! But when your kids get older they ll remember who it was that took them to baseball, coached, and took them home stayed with them the whole night!!!! Hopefully that gives you some comfort the fact your kids will appreciate it and remember it :) Hang in there!!

From a different perspective:

It must be nice to be a dedicated parent and put one's children at the top of the priority list and engage in events that nurture them bring joy to both the children and yourself.

It must really suck to have so little regard for one's children (and in reality one's self!) to go out and get laid and not even make one's self available to talk to one's son when that's his desire. To be so self-absorbed and selfish as to neglect your parental responsibilities.

I know it's a tough situation, but if I ever found myself in a similar place I hope I'd be more like you than like her.

I have just joined this group, so I'm not sure about anything. Are you and your wife still under one roof. Are you separated or divorced? Was it your day/weekend with the kids? Does she take the kids sometimes? When she takes them, does she give them attention? I'm just trying to get an understanding of the situation.

Is your wife for sure sleeping around, or are you suspecting she is?

Ttmi, I suspect, no concrete proof. She won't tell me where she goes and she goes out every weekend. Last nite I heard a man's voice on the phone saying my son's name.

Overture, we are getting separated. Still living in the same roof. I am moving out next month. This past week, she and the kids were off becuase of spring break. She worked out while the kids stayed home all week. When I got home I coached my son's baseball team and took my other son to his activities. My stbx calls me at work and telling me to talk to the kids because they are not behaving.

Some road, I really think you should get the house and kids and she should move out. It just seems more stable for the children. Please see an attorney to find out your rights before you move out.
You are a great dad by the sound of things so be proud that you are.

Move out and get a parenting schedule into place.

And I'll say this in advance. You'll even have less to say when you do move. She will have her rules at her house, you will have your rules at yours.

You will have LESS knowledge when you aren't there and you have no input or influence on what happens there. You will need to stay out of the petty arguements the kids have with her.

I do agree with SBJ.

Relinquishing "control" is hard when a marriage ends. You really are left not having any control over what the other spouse does/doesn't do, sees/doesn't see. Disentangling your lives means being a Parent first, former spouse second.

I'm in the situation where I know I am a better parent. I just am. I can't do anything about his father or what his father does, because I picked him to be the father of my son long before he stopped being my husband.

I understand it hurts but, the truth is, she is in a situation where she is having he cake and eating it, too. She can go out, sow her wild oats, while you stay home and are the parent.

One spouse seems to always step up a bit more when it comes to parenting.

Trust me, if I let every stupid thing my ex did, as a father, upset me...I would stay pissed all the time.

You need to learn how to let go and accept that, while it sucks, this is what you have now.

I am in a similar boat as you. My wife leaves for multiple days on end, leaving me with the kids. I love my kids, and will take the time I can get with them, but it is still frustrating. The only thing that keeps me going is them, and realizing that I have become their stability in this chaotic time. Showing them how to be strong, even though they don't really truly know what my wife has gotten herself into, keeps me going. Kids feel your emotional reaction, and feed off of that, good or bad. As the ones left behind, it is our job to protect them.

i understand a lot of what you are feeling. my son is only 14 months old, so no he doesn't ask for his dad, he honestly doesn't even seem to know his dad is gone, so i consider this a blessing. my stbx cheated on me multiple times. we are on our second separation now, and i'm getting things in line for divorce. but my stbx, while living at home, and during both separations spent his time and money on his going-nowhere-cant-get-a-paying-gig-rock-band, drinking, buying/smoking weed, going to strip clubs, etc. but then sits around feeling sorry for himself, and telling anyone who will listen how much he misses our baby, how he's missing out on him growing up, how he's broke and alone, blah blah blah. i want to scream at him "you made all of these choices for yourself, you have no one but yourself to blame and no one else can fix your situation." but it would fall on deaf ears. he hasn't paid me a dime, either time we were separated, yet I'm the bad guy for not dropping everything the moment it's convenient for him to want to play w the baby for an hour. i do sometimes think to myself, like you said, "it must be nice." must be nice for him to come and go from his new bachelor pad as he pleases, not have to change poop diapers in the middle of the night, not have to suddenly support our son on only 1 income; drink, run around w people, do whatever whenever w no responsibility. except, i KNOW it isn't nice. his life is empty and he has to do those things to try to fill the empty void. and honestly, even though it is hard taking on everything alone, i am glad to do it. i am glad to be here for my son. i am glad to be able to know, and to show my son, that i will do whatever it takes for him, no matter what. it sounds like you are a great dad. i know the feelings you're having, but try try try to block out what stupid things she is wasting her life on, because that is what it is. she's wasting time on stuff that doesn't matter at all, and your kids matter more than anything. they are so lucky to have a dad like you. you are strong, remember that. big big hugs to you, and much respect for you for being a MAN, i know firsthand that not all males are man enough to be a real father.