Not sure whether to post this in dating or anxiety. I feel horrible about myself today. I didn't even go through a real breakup but I can't seem to get over it and I feel miserable. If you want to skip the story, scroll to the bottom 2 paragraphs.

Long story kept as short as possible, I moved to a new city for work and shortly within arriving I met a girl. She was amazing and we initially hit it off. We started dating. Then work became extremely stressful and I hated the job. That coupled with the transition to a new city with no friends, has led to the most stressful period of my life. 

Because of this predicament, I chose to take things slow with this girl. On top of that, I've had little to no success dating, due to anxiety and depression/low confidence. 

It got to a point where I was so stressed that I made the decision that we should put the dating on hold, remain friends but leave the door open. I talked with my former therapist about this and she said to discuss our feelings about each other face to face (doing it over text/call would be unfair). So I set up a date to do so. 

The night before the date, while I was in the process of arranging details for the date with her, she texted me out of the blue saying she wasn't looking for anything serious right now because of life, but wanted to be friends. On top of feeling disrespected due to the text, I felt very frustrated. I wanted to have that convo in person, so we could clear up any uncertainties. I asked her if she would still want to meet up and talk about it. And she said no, that it would be uncomfortable, since I already know what she's thinking. But this whole conversation was extremely uncomfortable for me.

We cleared things up enough to a point where we both felt comfortable meeting up, for fun as friends. I still needed closure, so I brought aspects of the previous conversation up and it was a little uncomfortable. But I was never felt comfortable asking what I wanted to ask. Was she being honest or just trying to let me down nicely? Was the door still open down the road? Was the loss of attraction due to me taking things too slow? Did she ever want me to kiss her?

Now it's kind of to the point where I don't know if I'll ever see her again and I don't know if that's good or bad. 

Yesterday, I felt decent after the last date. But this morning I've been riddled with anxiety and self deprecation. I'm questioning if she ever liked me. I'm thinking about what I did wrong to lead to this point and I'm questioning my confidence and ability to move forward in the dating world. This is the closest thing to a real relationship I've ever had. I can't stop thinking about her and what things could've been if I did anything differently. I felt like I was never my real self around her because of the stress in my life. I still want closure and want to ask her these questions. I'm conflicted on whether or not I should do it.

Through all this, it's become easier for me to accept that maybe she wasn't the right one for me right now, yet Im still conflicted. Maybe I liked the idea of her. But what hurts more than anything else is the idea of not having someone to get excited to learn about in my life anymore. Not having that person to look forward to talking to at the end of the day. Ignorance was bliss. Before, I was happy alone. Now I got a taste of what it's like to have that special someone in your life. My least stressful days at work were the ones where we had something planned together at the end of the day. There was a certain light at the end of the tunnel that I never saw with any platonic relationship. At this point, I feel like I can't move forward in any direction and am desperate for help. If you have any clarifying questions, please ask.