It is grief, it is loss, and perhaps some shame about feeling rejected or not good enough that the spouse would just dump us. Try to separate your shame and maybe guilt from needing to tell the kids that dad left. Don’t do parental alienation but do tell them the truth. Get yourself a good divorce attorney ASAP. How long does it take? Well I’ve known people who never get over it or move forward. Who live in the pain as a victim forever and become bitter and unhappy and demanding of others to soothe them. If we do our internal work, we can heal and move forward. First we have to feel how we feel and deal with our own internal dialogue. You can get there. There are good divorce recovery support groups, usually through churches. There are good and bad therapists. Yours should be helping you understand why you feel like you do and also giving you skills to cope with this terrible thing that has happened. It’s called resilience skills. But everyone would feel very angry, scared, hurt, etc. about the situation you described. I’m really sorry. Stay on here and participate with others, respond to them, share, and keep moving forward slowly but surely. Don’t forget that this is not about your lack or having been a bad spouse. This is about the ex being a terrible human being who is self absorbed and incapable of giving love. Don’t take this as your fault! Yes it takes two in a marriage but he did not have to do it this way or totally blame you. Now stop totally blaming yourself!

Breakups are always a grief. It is a loss. And the time varies for all. With kids there are extra challenges of course and doesn’t sound like he gave you much of an explanation. I had 3 kids and it’s a process for you as the partner and the kids. Kids don’t need to know aspects of the reasoning why. Obviously they need to know as life will not be the same exactly. Most all your feelings are very normal. You already have a lot to deal with sounds like and now this. Take it one day at a time. It’s great your in therapy that was something I should of did at that time but didn’t.

hugs my friend. First, do not take ownership of his actions. Those are his Second you will be fine. I know it does not seem like it will, but trust me, it will. You need to be gentle and kind to yourself. Tell the kids the truth. Do not lie, they can sense that right away. But do not talk bad about him. He can do that all on his own. Get a financial advisor and a lawyer lined up. You can do this. Most of all, be ready for the emotional roller coaster ride of your lifetime. You are a smart, vibrant and resourceful woman. You were able to manage all the responsibility on your own. That shows you how grounded and resourceful you are. I went through the same thing and now I am a happy camper. And he is still a miserable person.

Does the V.A. have any resources for you? I would look into that immediately.

Maybe they have financial help, medical, support groups, etc.

I'm so sorry he did this. You had nothing to do with this! He made his bed, and he can lie in it. As said above, get a divorce attorney right away. Your ex will have to pay you spousal support and child support. Don't let him off the hook! Get mad, not sad. What he did is wrong, and he can't just walk away like this with no regard for you or your kids. Go see an attorney. You will feel better once you see one.

You are going to be okay. Take actions now (VA help, attorney, etc), as actions will help you to feel better and to feel more in control of your life. Don't take any of this personally. You did nothing wrong. He has made a bad choice, but we can't control what other people do. But you can control what you do. Get that professional help.