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llmt 05/09/2011

I have a dilemma...I really WANT to go postal but I am sitting back, like I always do, and contemplating taking the high road. Not that I am a high maintanence person by any means, but I seem to always put some thought into gifts and even now for Father's Day. Well, I received one of those plastic coffee travel mugs that you can color from my boys yesterday. They were awesome and cute cuz the boys did it but I know cost $5.00 for the both. Come to find out Aidan wanted to go to make me something at the ceramic place but there Dad said no bc "we probably wouldn't find anything there, she would like"....and to boot the FUCKING WHORE bought those mugs....he didn't even do it!!! Aidan said that Dena had them at her house and we colored them. Also not to mention that SHE wrapped them all pretty in the gift bags...I know he didn't do it. I WANT NOTHING FROM HER, LET ALONE A GIFT SHE BOUGHT FOR ME KIDS FOR MOTHER'S DAY. I know I should be grateful and am prolly acting infantile, but THIS is the person that broke up MY family and has the nerve making nice with my kids. I want to explode on him and say please next time if she chooses to pick up something for me...don't do it, I would rather have NOTHING. To me, it's like a slap in the face. And you know, she made them make her breakfast in bed and bring it up to her....ugggghhh! I fucking need a voodoo doll so I can end her, already. Ok, rant over....someone please tell me I am right or wrong in feeling this way...no judgement. I cannot even enjoy Mother's Day. Oh and today is Aidan's bday and she made a cake for him and sung...*insert sarcasm here*, meanwhile I feel like a horrible mom for not even getting him a cake, yet. Should I say something to him or not or just let it go? Oh, and for those that don't know me, others do know that I am still living with my exH in the same house, so any arguments, I try to curb, but to me I don't know if I am beating a dead horse here or not. I don't know what to do.

goodfight 05/09/2011

Being educated doesn't take the stupid out of some folks. No you are not being infantile and yes you have every right to be upset. I would only say doesn't suprise me a bit based on what I know of the situation. PS Happy Belated Mother's day to you, the boys did color them up for you and they are from them so treasure that. Plus Adian wanted to make you something so that shows you a lot about how much he loves you. Stick to the high road, if the end you'll be the one with a clean conscience and they will still be in the gutter.

deleted_user 05/09/2011

This is a joke right? What ever happen to it being about the kids. I didn't even give my daughters the money to buy a card. Big Deal. If my daughters just wrote on a peice of paper " I love you Dad " It would be more to me then gold. Material things are so mute in life. I dont expect anything from my X. It is not her place or mine.

patti22 05/09/2011

No G, I don't think it's a joke. It's about emotions and memories.

If everytime she looks at those mugs, she thinks of the gf and her kids working together....it's going to drive her nuts (as it would me). If 5 years from now, all she thinks of is her kids making a cute gift, then it's something different.

But honestly, kids make so many different things over the years, that you can't keep all of them, no matter what the situation they were made in. And well, things get broken (as one of my favorite gifts from my son from pre-school did.)

I'm betting something that they make WITH her, will be remembered by them more anyway. And thus have happy memories for all of them in future years when they look back.

I can only really remember one gift that I made for my parents from when I was young..... (paper plate faces made with yarn....I really loved that yarn!) My parents didn't save them....but the memory is still there.

deleted_user 05/09/2011

This was my first Mother's Day without my STBX. He bought a Mother's Day card for the kids and had them sign it and give it to me. I thank them for it and pretended it was the most beautiful card. In the meantime, I found out that he had taken his new gf to a weekend getaway to celebrate Mother's Day. They don't even have a child in common. Instead, I get a $1 Mother's Day card after having 3 children with him. I was extremely upset. However, I understand that the children were excited to give me the card and seeing their smiles when I read it made all the difference in the world. I do understand your anger and frustration because I felt it as well.

deleted_user 05/09/2011

(((llmt))))

Everything you are feeling is normal and natural -- I can't imagine anyone in your situation *not* feeling that way!

I was going to say that despite that, it is good that she is being nice to your kids -- much better for them that way. But if it's all an act, that would really piss me off, too.

I am so sorry.

I have to ask -- WHEN is your exH finally moving out??? This has been going on forever!!!

More hugs.

deleted_user 05/09/2011

@ Patti I have things from my daughter when she was 5. I have school papers from grade school from my oldest and she is 19 now. So why not tell the other not to get anything but a card. This really is about she thought more about him then he did her. I dont know any man that is going to put his X before his now GF/wife.

deleted_user 05/09/2011

I am so sorry that this is the type of emotions you had to feel on mothers day, and on that note I think you had every right to feel upset. Yes your kids put their love into those cups and that is what you have to try and focus on but that initial pain at knowing that This other woman was involved tainted it. It is very unfortunate that you were even allowed to find this out. This is a perfect example how certain "holidays" can be very trying on a newly or recent separation. With father's day approaching I am having my own reservations about how my ex and her BF will handle it with my younger son who is living with her. I have the oldest and really only want o have a nice day with him no gifts but I better not find out she does something for her BF with my younger son, I hate the idea of some guy helping raise my son. Like you said though if he was ever mean I think I would have to pay a visit.
I know that this stirred up alot of emotions and it can be very painful but try and focus on your kids like Liann said maybe you could take your kids and do something special together just the three of you, take that time to focus on the real meaning of mother's day, the love you guys have for each other. That is something that nobody else will ever have with them. Deep down they are YOUR babies and that love can never be replaced.
Happy Belated mother's day by the way

CarlaBent 05/09/2011

I think you are perfectly right in all you are feeling but I also think you are doing the right thing by taking the high road!!!!!
If you don't let on anything is 'wrong' with the way Mother's Day was handled, it can just stay a happy memory for your kids. Maybe think up something to do every Mother's Day that will start a tradition for just you and the kids!!

I don't care why she's nice to your kids, as long as she keeps doing it!!!! It's preferable to any alternatives.

I wouldn't bother to make a major effort for Father's Day, either.
Let the kids make a handmade card and take them to a dollar store and let them choose a present. They and their father can make what they want out of the occasion.

What a stressful living arrangement!!!! I'm sorry you're in this situation now and hope that things get better soon!!!!

Sounds to me like you're doing everything the right way. Right down to the voodoo doll!! You should get one!!!! Someone gave me one once to use on an evil coworker and it was surprisingly satisfying, LOL!!!!!

deleted_user 05/09/2011

P.S.

Forgot to say that I do agree with those who think you shouldn't say anything to the woman -- it wouldn't change anything for the better, and would probably just create more emotional turmoil, for you and possibly for your kids.

llmt 05/09/2011

GSCH, no it's NOT a joke. I loved them bc they came from the heart, but when I found out that whore who destroyed my marriage bought them...or shall I say, had them lying around her house, I want to throw up. I am choosing NOT to say anything bc my boys colored them and they think they did ok. The fact my ex was THAT tactless, yes THAT tactless, is beyond me. I was happy with their handmade cards they made in daycare. That is fine with me...again I am not materialistic in any sense of the word, like his OW is, nor did I "EXPECT" a thing from him. That being said, regardless of what he did to me and my family, I have always chosen (and choked on my tongue) to make sure that we do something nice for his birthday and Father's Day and let them pick out and wrap something...from them. I just pay for it. The least he could have done is NOT had her take care of business. Yes, she is being nice to my kids but it's all an act...this coming from a person who chose NOT to have her own kids last Mother's Day until 9 pm that night bc it was going to cramp her social life that weekend. Sorry but no can-do when it comes to mine. So yes, she is putting on the maternal act to keep my ex around and show what a "great" person she is. She doesn't need to do me any favors and for the record had the nerve to say in the past how many "favors" behind my back she did for me. So she can suck my ass! I never asked to be put before a GF now, never, I just ask for some tact and a little respect knowing how much I despise this woman. I never say a word, and will continue NOT to because of those kids, but again, the fact she made MY kids make HER breakfast and bring it up to her, is beyond me. Ok, rant over.

deleted_user 05/09/2011

@ llmt I have a question. When you and the x were together who did the shopping for presents? With the x and me she did all that. I dont shop When I take my daughter I stand at the front of the store waiting for her. If I had a GF and daughters liked her I would let them do it. Look at it this way she knew he did not care or forgot. So she was thinking of the kids and gave you something that the kids made. So when you have a BF and he has kids. So you are going to tell him you are not going to take the kids to get something or make something for their mom. I know you love your kids.

llmt 05/09/2011

G, I shopped, and that was fine. I stayed at home and took care of that stuff. He has no problem any other time, yet I think didn't want to rock the boat or worse, get something more than what he got his GF...that is fine. My thing is get the F**K out of my house then. Go live and start the life with her...that I cannot wrap my head around. He uses me or the kids as an excuse, I think not to be with her at times. Screw that, keep me out of it. And if you knew all the stuff he/she not only said about me but my kids, you might feel the same. Not going to try to argue my point. My feelings are my feelings and not everyone may feel the way I do. I respect that, all I am saying is I don't want her involved in any shape, way, or form in MY life, even if that is buying me a Mother's Day present. I will take the home made card.

deleted_user 05/09/2011

Is Aidan your ex or child?

If it is your child why didn't you get a cake?

llmt 05/10/2011

Stronggal...Aidan is my son. It was his dad's weekend as we have that agreement as to get the kids used to being with each of us every other weekend. I had planned something for Sunday for him being it was Mother's Day, and I knew I would see him. His bday was actually yesterday so after work I picked up a cake and cupcakes, took him to where HE wanted to go for dinner, and came home and sang to him. It's about all I could do.

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