Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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llmt 05/09/2011

I have a dilemma...I really WANT to go postal but I am sitting back, like I always do, and contemplating taking the high road. Not that I am a high maintanence person by any means, but I seem to always put some thought into gifts and even now for Father's Day. Well, I received one of those plastic coffee travel mugs that you can color from my boys yesterday. They were awesome and cute cuz the boys did it but I know cost $5.00 for the both. Come to find out Aidan wanted to go to make me something at the ceramic place but there Dad said no bc "we probably wouldn't find anything there, she would like"....and to boot the FUCKING WHORE bought those mugs....he didn't even do it!!! Aidan said that Dena had them at her house and we colored them. Also not to mention that SHE wrapped them all pretty in the gift bags...I know he didn't do it. I WANT NOTHING FROM HER, LET ALONE A GIFT SHE BOUGHT FOR ME KIDS FOR MOTHER'S DAY. I know I should be grateful and am prolly acting infantile, but THIS is the person that broke up MY family and has the nerve making nice with my kids. I want to explode on him and say please next time if she chooses to pick up something for me...don't do it, I would rather have NOTHING. To me, it's like a slap in the face. And you know, she made them make her breakfast in bed and bring it up to her....ugggghhh! I fucking need a voodoo doll so I can end her, already. Ok, rant over....someone please tell me I am right or wrong in feeling this way...no judgement. I cannot even enjoy Mother's Day. Oh and today is Aidan's bday and she made a cake for him and sung...*insert sarcasm here*, meanwhile I feel like a horrible mom for not even getting him a cake, yet. Should I say something to him or not or just let it go? Oh, and for those that don't know me, others do know that I am still living with my exH in the same house, so any arguments, I try to curb, but to me I don't know if I am beating a dead horse here or not. I don't know what to do.

whiskeytangofoxtrot 05/09/2011

You are allowed to feel however you feel. Maybe this is me being passive-agressive but I want to say, at least they(whether it be she, he or the boys) wanted to and did do something for you.

My ex did nothing and my 17 year old daughter spent her OWN money so that her and her sisters could give me something.

It pisses me off she used her own money but Im not surprised.

deleted_user 05/09/2011

I don't think it's worth it to bring it up, but I love the voodoo doll idea..
She sounds like a piece of.. um... work :)

llmt 05/09/2011

whiskey, I know, that is why I feel that I am being childish about this...but it came from HER, which makes my stomach turn. Maybe I should just let it go, then...my kids are only 8 and 3 1/2, it's not their fault. Thank you for your response.

llmt 05/09/2011

Wistom, you have NO idea. For being an "educated woman" having her master's in nursing and a CRNA, she is indescribably stupid when it comes to everyday common sense and what "might" be right or wrong and bother someone. She is one of the most self-centered human beings besides, my ex that I know and I wish he would move out and just go live with her in her abode.

whiskeytangofoxtrot 05/09/2011

I guess what I am saying is that I am coming to terms that my STBX is a raging selfish Jacka$$.

The bottom line is that my babies(and yours too) had it in their hearts, no matter how, that they wanted to do something special for mama.

That is what made my day.

oOoREBoOo 05/09/2011

I agree with WTF. Your kids were happy to give you the mug. It is the thought that counts. Even though SHE had a hand in it, you just have to think of your children. I think it may be harder on them, if you say something. I'm sorry, you are going through this.

Sounds like she likes your kids, so that is good. Many step families don't work out, because the OW, could hate you so much, and take it out on your babies.

Get the voodoo doll!

llmt 05/09/2011

She is only nice to my kids bc of my ex...she is out to please him and he comes first, that comes directly from her mouth. She isn't even a mother to her own kids and didn't want them more than half the time bc it would "interfere" with her social life. So, me having a problem with her playing "mommy" to mine...I have a big problem with that, partly bc I know it's all an act. No she isn't abusive to them, and I am grateful for that. If she did, I know for a fact she would never work again bc after I got done breaking her arms she would need someone to wipe her ass.

oOoREBoOo 05/09/2011

Ooooh, well what a bitch! I can't believe your ex is ok with that. I hope they don't get to spend that much time with her.

llmt 05/09/2011

It's every other weekend, he takes them up there, I leave the house and go stay at a friend's house, for now, and he takes them up there to play Brady Bunch at her house with her 3 kids.

Karenhopeful 05/09/2011

I can understand why you are really pissed off at your ex and her. I hope after spilling it out here you can release it.

Then I would focus on the lovely mugs your kids coloured for you and remember they were consumed with love for you! Keep giving them gigantic hugs and lots of love!

One day you will laugh at your own idiot of an ex.

llmt 05/09/2011

Thank you Karen, I just needed to vent and have someone tell me I am wrong for wanting to rip his face off....which is why I am taking my time on this. Hugs to you all...thank you.

DMM1964 05/09/2011

He is what he is.... can't change stupid.

In my "onion"... not worth mentioning! enjoy the gifts for the fact that they are personal thoughts from the kids...

Love ya, Dale

patti22 05/09/2011

Take the kids yourself and go to a ColorMeMine. Have them pick something out, and color them. Then consider THEM your presents. The presents don't have to come on the actual day to count.

Keep the mugs, but throw them into the back of a cabinet somewhere. Someday in the future, you can decide whether to keep them or not. (Personally, I'd dump them one day....but I'd wait a few years until the kids are old enough to understand.)

Oh and I'd feel EXACTLY the same way. You're not nuts. Your ex is.

deleted_user 05/09/2011

Just a thought but maybe you could take your kids to the ceramic place and make something with them? Make a fun memory for all of you and you will have something special to enjoy. My first Mother's Day my mom ordered roses to be sent to me, then I didn't get another Mother's Day gift until my kids were in school, all I usually get is what they make at school because they are only 7 and 9 and there isn't anyone who has ever taken them out to get me something. They are always really proud of the card that they make and they ask me 100 times, "Do you like the card I made you?" Really those cards are enough, because they are the ones that made them, and they did it with love. Yesterday they wanted to get me a cake, it sort of doesn't feel right to go out and buy your own Mother's Day cake or gift, I do it because it makes them happy.
Your kids love you and nothing the OW does will ever change that, you are their Mom, focus on them and not her. They don't see it as her helping them get you a Mother's Day present all they are thinking is that they are getting something for the Mom that they love.

deleted_user 05/09/2011

She may have bought and wrapped the mugs, but your kids coloured them, so I wouldn't throw them out, there's something in them that came from your children's hearts and spirits.

First, I can say I understand your anger and resentment. I get it. I'd probably feel the same way.

I am trying to think of it from your children's point of view too though. Their dad doesn't appear to be sentimental enough to be good at this kind of thing, and his gf probably jumped in to save the day, when she could have just let it all fall apart, if she was spiteful. I have no idea what she is feeling, but if I were one of your kids, I'd be happy I was able to give you something nice. And as a parent, if I could remove the bad feelings, I'd be glad my kids are learning something about thoughtfulness about a gift, about homemade and handmade being from the heart, stuff like that.

That's not to discount what you ARE feeling, I'm just adding more to the wider picture.

Truthfully, I don't know how you're able to cope with the situation being what it is. You must be a very strong person.

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