Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
A week ago Friday I sat down and talked to the stbx. Told him I had all of the paperwork filled out but a a bit more to do on the financial disclosure stuff. He acted like it was no big deal (that hit me in the gut). I tried to get him to look at the paperwork to make sure he agreed with everything I'd done. He said he didn't need to look at it and I just needed to tell him where to sign and what to sign. During the discussion the animals came up....2 German shepherds and 2 cats (mind you I rescued, bought, train, pay vet bills, feed, water and train them). I have gotten 1st place trophies at our county fair for the 2 GSs 4 years in a row! The male I rescued my stbx didn't even want me to bring him home! All he did was complain about getting a 2nd dog. Well, now he has the balls to tell me he wants the male GS and my oldest cat (which I had to bottle feed because she was only 4 weeks old). I told him there wasn't any way he was getting any of them! He can bite me!
Anyway, since our discussion a week ago Friday, he's started doing the same shit he's done in the past when I've even brought up the topic of us separating or getting divorced. He is wanting to have sex with me (which he never usually wanted unless he was totally intoxicated), he's been trying to give me hugs (which hasn't done for at least 6 mos.), kissing me good-bye (that stopped about 6 mos. ago as well), and now he's started telling me he loves me (that stopped quite awhile ago as well). I know he's doing this to suck me back in so I don't continue on my journey to a better life. Some days are harder than others because then you second guess what you are doing. I'm trying very hard not to get sucked back in. Anyone here have any good advice, tips, thoughts as to how I can better deal with keeping a strong head/mind about not giving in to him tugging at my heartstrings and allowing him to get the best of me?
Anyway, since our discussion a week ago Friday, he's started doing the same shit he's done in the past when I've even brought up the topic of us separating or getting divorced. He is wanting to have sex with me (which he never usually wanted unless he was totally intoxicated), he's been trying to give me hugs (which hasn't done for at least 6 mos.), kissing me good-bye (that stopped about 6 mos. ago as well), and now he's started telling me he loves me (that stopped quite awhile ago as well). I know he's doing this to suck me back in so I don't continue on my journey to a better life. Some days are harder than others because then you second guess what you are doing. I'm trying very hard not to get sucked back in. Anyone here have any good advice, tips, thoughts as to how I can better deal with keeping a strong head/mind about not giving in to him tugging at my heartstrings and allowing him to get the best of me?
I made a list of all the awful things he did to me over the years and all the behavior I wouldn't miss. I added to or consulted my list every time I felt myself wavering. I also got on the phone with my best friend and had her 'talk me off the ledge' so to speak.
Interestingly, my stbx did something similar that yours did with the dogs. It wasn't about the dog -he was happy to get rid of her -too smelly, jumps on the furniture, etc. Mine did it with possessions - for example, we had very expensive mahogany bedroom furniture (Amoire, dresser, chest, night stands). BUT he would never let me buy a headboard. Said we didn't need one, waste of money. Finally, for Christmas in our 16 year I told him I was buying a headboard and that would be my xmas present from him which was fine with him because he hated having to buy me gifts. So, in the process of us dividing our possessions, guess what he wanted - that damn headboard!!! I almost gave it to him but I couldn't find one I liked as much so I finally told him I was keeping it, end of story. The Nerve!!!! I think it is a control thing and a way of 'getting back' at you. Don't budge on the animals. He probably won't take good care of them, anyway.
Gemini-my stbx is not angry or verbally abusive, just distant and non-caring/loving. I am going to make a list of reasons as to why we need to end this farce of a marriage. One of them would be how many times he's lied to me throughout the marriage and another would be the affair he had (the only one I'm aware of anyway).
I bet you wanted to smack him with that headboard, didn't you!?! LOL
He has bonded with my male GS a lot. However, that's MY boy and I'm not budging and he will NOT get him!
Thank you for your input!