We went to the beach today for the kido's last day of summer. Overhall we had a blast. I enjoyed every second of being with the kids. She came with us which made for an interesting dynamic. There was an obvious tension in the air  and awkardness that was quite uncomfortable, but we managed to get through it.

I was pretty ticked off this morning when she came home an hour later than she said she would be there. Thats after we had a conversation about that very thing the night before. So I was pretty grumpy on the hour long car ride and we barely spoke at all. Once there we were able to spread out a little bit and it was much better. I have to give her credit for being in the moment today. She was pretty engaged except for one occasion when she wasnt hanging with us and got left behind which led to a small confrontation but overall she was good.

I had quite a few moments of sadness today. Watching her with the boys playing, laughing, flashing her beautiful smile just reminded me of why I have been so in love with this woman for so many years. I had been able to block all of that out for a while now, and it has served me well, but today was more than I was prepared for.

On the other hand there were quite a few times when I was reminded why Im happy that we are not going to be living together anymore. The mood swings and inability to let go of an argument. The thinking that whatever happens to her is worse than anything that has happened to anyone else. Her hypocritical judgements of me. Ugh. Thankfully we parted ways tonight after one of those moments. So there will be no tears or sadness tonight. Just gratefulness for the children that our marriage has produced and thats enough for me.