Boils down to communication.

How do you see this helping in your counseling?

Lack of communication, her falling out of love with me and 99% certainty of her fucking someone else.

As far as you being "forced" into counseling, your words right there tell me your marriage is over. You don't go because you are "forced" you go because you want to better communicate to save your relationship.

Why do you feel "forced" into counseling?

You only get out of it, what you put into it, if you are open minded and are willing, then counseling won't be "forced" upon you.

my ex kept our kids in a christian school which was costing us $800 a month and we couldnt afford it..i was going to 3 cash advances every payday for about 3 years..she wouldnt help the financial part of our marriage,plus she wouldnt touch me in the bedroom for months at a time..the record was 333 days. the nite she did was my fathers burial....basically, our marriage died because she lost 200 pounds in a year and changed..even her own sisters agree with me and she is now in process of divorcing her 2nd husband because he is a drunk..i loved her even though our sex life was practically nonexistant and we had constant money woes..i could deal with that..it is amazing that our kids got kicked out of their christian school because she owes them $8,000.there are a lot of issues with her side of the family, most of her aunts and uncles whored around so i guess it was her time

Her total disregard or care for any opinion of mine, always was her way or the highway....funny she always I always did things my way whatever!!

well comunication was a big one and walking around with blinders on (me) did not help at all either.

I recently "forced" my wife into counseling too. The reason is simple. She doesn't prioritize "us". And yes, it has to do with sex. But not just that. She doesn't listen to me, takes me for granted, etc. I have to echo Frank though and say that my problems aren't yours. If you have started counseling, go with an open mind and heart and try to improve. If you don't do that, nothing else matters. Look ahead.

Frank, I feel the things that my husband has brought up so far (we are only beginning) are rather petty things. I wouldn't say that I can understand the way a man's mind works and wanted to see if most men have had the same type(s) of issues. In a strange way, I am thankful to see that the replies I have gotten so far are not petty at all and it is just the way my husband sees things. I realize that something(s) of substance could still be brought to the forefront with my husband, but I will have to wait and see.

I guess "forced" may not have been the best word to use. I did have the choice, but was basically told that if I went to counseling it would be helpful in making things flow easier if the marriage problems don't work out. I could have said no, but I am reluctant to be there. I would even say resentful in a way because over a year ago I laid it all out on the table and let him know that I would have to leave if things didn't get better. If he would have started counseling back then, I was very open and ready to make improvements. Over the past year things have only gotten progressively worse. We have done the counseling thing before and each time he only stuck with the changes for a couple of weeks and he has never gone back to the counselor more than 4 times before stopping. I don't know if I can handle the emotional part of the usual roller coaster anymore. I have totally left the ball in his court. If he continues to set up the counseling appointments and we get past number 4, then I will keep going. I have to wait and see how serious he is in solving things before I dare to open myself back up to the hurt of over 13 years.

A few things:

I'm sorry counseling is coming into the picture too late for you. It's always unfortunate when one of the parties to a marriage checks out, but that appears to be the reality of your situation.

I think seeking validation for your opinion that your H is bringing up petty things bodes rather poorly for the outlook for your marriage. My stbx and I did joint counseling after we decided to split up if only to understand what happened to us and learn not to be angry with each other. One of the most important things for us in counseling was to really give credence to what each other was saying. Otherwise, you're only hearing, not listening.

That said, I'm not suggesting that each and every thing your H says in counseling is the real reason why you're having problems. If, for example, he says in counseling that he hates the fact that you don't have dinner ready for him after work each day, that might strike you (and me) as being rather petty, but the real problem is what lies underneath that statement. It means that each of you have difference expectations of what the roles and duties in a marriage are. Once you realize that, you can try to find some common ground.

The above pre-supposes, of course, that you want to reconcile your marriage. It doesn't sound like you do.

Like Soon said, you're probably wasting time and money in counseling.

Communication is a big thing. Another thing that is important is that you can't be selfish all of the time. My ex got to the point where she didn't care if something that she did bothered me or effected me in some way. I was always one to ask her about things and I tried to keep communications open but I failed in that respect.

A marriage is a partnership that demands high levels of honesty, compromise, and two people who want to stay together. The minute that one person in the marriage decided to leave it then the marriage is over.

I morn the loss of my marriage. I said numerous time that this is not supposed to happen to me. The only thing that I can do now is to move on now that she pushed the divorce through and got it.

Communication problems (both ways) hurt my relationship, but the killer was substance abuse and her refusal to do anything about it.

If you can't somehow be more open minded about your counseling and go into it with a positive attitude, then I don't see it helping the way it's supposed to.

And it's not something that can be fixed in four sessions, you both have to train yourselves over a long period to change the way you communicate with each other.

My situation was that she started traveling alot in her job, which I supported, and she started to like the bright lights and big city and not boring little me. I worked full time and took care of two small kids and that is the thanks I get. Must have never loved me to do that.

communication and respect.

My wife told me nothing unless i prodded it out of her...

she put herself first before me, her daughter or her responsibilities...

Her major problem with me was communications - she didn't like what came out of my mouth. My major problem was that she was having sex with another man and planned on marrying him. I guess that I was unreasonable.