Owww. I am so sorry you are going through this.

I take it he's military? Unfortunately the long separations do tend to breed that behavior. I may not be the best person for advice right now since I'm in the process of leaving my husband, so I will leave it with this:
Good luck, stay strong and do what is right for you and your babies.

He doesn't want to talk about it, leave it alone? Wow. Thats disrespectful of your marriage and of you!

Therapy together or alone is the only real answer for you. He or She will identify your feelings and help you work through them

Hard to work on a marriage when one is always gone but work on you dealing with this...things will never be the same as before you found out. But lots of couples get through these things, especially in your living situation.

I agree military life doesn't really support healthy marriages, you have to work double hard just to stay connected.

(((((((((((Big hugs to you)))))))))))
I'm so sorry. Sometimes it's good to have one of those major meltdowns though. Sounds awful, but it's cathartic. Hang in there and stay strong.

That is exactly how I felt when I went to change my network password andfound my exes internet log and could read the conversations and see the pictures of him and the OW.... or should I say 19 year old! She isn't even a woman! Fresh out of high school!
Made me so sick and I cried for days afterwards. It will eventually pass. But don't focus on it or it will eat you up. Try to care and do for yourself and it will slowly get better and hurt less.

I'm sorry this happened to you and your family. I agree that his refusal to discuss it is disrespectful. He must have been under the impression that it had nothing to do with you and it was over between her anyway. Look carefully to see if he is truly sorry or if he is sorry he got caught. You have a right to know anything you want to. This is the time where he needs to do what you ask him in order to get back into your trust. I would really push for couples counseling. Any other thing you may think of, he should agree to. If he doesn't want to try, makes excuses and blames you (as mine did), then his heart isn't really in it. I have been there. Mine had an affair and when it was exposed, had another with the thinking that I was gonna be suspicious anyway, so he might as well. With the latter, he got her pregnant and they had a son. I had no idea. I bought the excuses and in the end, he made his decision to leave and now lives with them. Best wishes and big hugs.

Thanks everybody!!!! He kinda came clean about a month ago about how he felt about his "friend". He said nothing physical happened (but who the hells know if that is true or not) but he bonded emotionally with her and had strong feelings for her. One thing is suspecting, talking about it but when you actually see a picture it hit me in the face hard. According to him he already told me how he felt about her, that he has cut off communication and he is staying in the marriage so he don't have nothing else to say. Eventually said that he might tell me more but not right now even though I want to talk about it. It's so hard but I'm hanging in there.

Please keep talking about your feelings, your confusion here in a safe place. The fact that he wants the marriage means that you have to work through your whole inner well-being to find where you are going to be comfortable with the changed relationship.
Having gone through an emotional affair, and staying married to a military veteran, I know first hand the challenges of a long distance relationship, and either way, staying or going, takes a toll on the self confidence!
Hang in there, you are going to make it through this thunderstorm, hurricane winds and all! You are not alone!

Thanks mideyebrow!!! Your words are powerful and always so healing and full of wisdom!!