You got to get yourself whole to be your whole self.
It is up to no one else, not even the great guy that you soon meet,
Don't put that on him or anyone else,

I'm glad you posted, I literally teared up while reading your comments. I feel a lot of what you're saying and could feel your pain. Hang in there, this is a great place to vent, cry, get advice and to just get tons of support. Although mine has only been since Feb. I truly hope I still don't feel this way in a year.....I wish you the best!!!!

This is why I made a decision to stay off all alcohol after my split 4 months ago..I knew that would only lead down the path of heartache and sadness. So important now to keep your head clear, u won't be able to do that drinking. Hope you can feel better, exercise to get endorphins flowing really helps mood and self esteem. *hugs*

It's going to be one year since my breakup too. July 31st would have been our 10 year wedding anniversary. (We separated around our anniversary last year). I am definitely not looking forward to next month, and can't wait until it's over. Even though we both have been dating, it still hurts. So even though it has helped that I have been seeing someone, it has not stopped the pain of the divorce. There is no escaping that. I understand what you mean when you say you miss your best friend. I think that is the hardest part for me too. It's definitely a big adjustment not being able to share those special family moments together anymore.

I was thinking that it's now been 4 months since I last saw him. He still lives just 4 blocks from me but I avoid that street like the plague. I don't look when I drive by himself shop just in case he's outside. He'd still be a block away not up close but I know I'd have a melt down if I saw him. I had a dream about him last night, out of the blue it seems and it upset me. I have been seeing someone else and so much has happened since things ended but there are still feelings. A lot of very bad feelings but I still find myself feeling sad/sorry for him that his life has turn to crap (all his doing). I've suffered a lot too, he wiped me out financially, emotionally, mentally and even physically. I'm having health problems directly related to him and the mess he made of our lives. Having a new guy in your life isn't necessarily the answer. It takes time for our hearts and minds to heal. Dating for me has been like putting a tiny bandaid on a wound that needs stitches, it's not going to help much.
It's good the cry and scream and get it out. I'm so frustrated at how my life is and how hard it is to fix what he did. I feel like just giving up on everything sometimes.

My husband filed for the divorce today. I'm just a newbie to this and I'm very hurt. Divorce part I can deal with... I'm 25 weeks pregnant and he want nothing to do with our son now or after birth. He wants a paternity test!?!? I've given him no reason not to trust me. I caught him in his deceits and instead of owning up he questions my fidelity?!?! He wants to sign his paternal rights over. We created this baby out of love and is a gift from God for the both of us. I'm so sorry that my son will not have a dad in his life because his dad is a spiteful man who's taking his hatred for his wife out on his own child.
He wasn't even a man about the divorce filing, instead of waiting until I case home, he TEXTs me that he's filing when I'm at WORK.
I cried all the way home but I got it out of my system when I got in. I was not giving him the satisfaction of seeing me hurt. 14 more weeks until my baby arrives and I cannot wait to fall in love all over again. But this time it will be everlasting and unconditional love.

Anyways, I know what you're going through. I too still love my husband and still in love with him although the love is not returned to me or our child. Hang in there. We can do this together.

So sorry to hear you are having such a rough time. It certainly is not easy and there is no easy way of dealing with it unfortunately. It will take time and will be hard. The good news is that it will change with time. If I may, a few suggestions that will helpreading your post, it is clear that your emotions are all up close and very personal. It can be so hard to think clearly when your emotions go into overwhelm. A few things I found helped me were to write down my thoughts on paper, which helps to get them out of my head and put them into their true perspective. Second, question your emotions. At their essence, intense emotions are like storms in the brain. A simple change in language helps represent it to yourself differently and lower then intensity. For example is your "whole world crashing around you" or is this a frustrating bump in the road? By lowering your emotional intensity by a simple change in language (internal communication or how you talk to yourself) can make what seems unbearable in the moment, at least manageable. I hope you understand the gist of what I am saying here. It really does help. Third, scream into a pillow when things are getting tough! (even the crook in your elbow will do if you don't have a pillow handy). As weird as this sounds, it will release tension and you will feel better. It in very unhealthy to bottle your emotions, so never be afraid to let them out. A good cry always helps too if you need to. Lastly, remember, this is just a season in your life. Right now, your in a cold, bitter winter. That also means once you pass through it, and you will, you can look forward to Spring! Take a step back girl, be gentle on yourself, you are only human, and this will be painful, but you know you will get through it. Plenty of people care and will help you get through it if you reach out and ask. You take care. :)

thisipass, thanks for that. What you described in bringing the feelings down to a level to cope with has been something Im working on. Im also really trying to figure out where all these feelings and emotions are really stemming from. Is it him I miss, is it just having a relationship, is it that I feel unworthy, so many questions and I just really dont have the answer.

Like I said, ive done pretty well lately. The other night it all just overwhelmed me. Again last night speaking to my friend. I have to keep telling myself it will pass, but at times there seems to be no end. Never feeling this before, I really dont know what to do with it all.

Its an internal thing I realize. I am the only one to help me get past this. Ive been a strong woman my entire life. I cant continue to let this get me down anymore.

Thanks for letting me get some of this out here and for everyones advise.

I guess sometimes venting helps.

I felt like I was reading a mirror as I read your post. I can relate to so much of what you have mentioned. I don't know if my stbx is dating but he appears to be doing much better than I. Our divorce is amicable but it seems like I'm much more emotional about it. I'm literally grieving the life I thought I would have with him. It's so hard... some days I will just start crying randomly because I will see, hear, or think of something that reminds me of our relationship.

Alcohol will make it worse since is chemically alters your body. For some people it numbs and for others it exacerbates feelings that already exists. My advice is to not focus on dating right now. Instead focus on your friendships and building your support network. Also, have you gone to counseling? It sounds like that would be very useful for you. I see my therapist tomorrow... I always feel so much better after our sessions. I don't know what I would do withour her or my close friends and family.

Know this... it WILL get better. Eventually the bad days will become less and less. Never forget that you are strong and you deserve a relationship in which you are loved and appreciated for who you are and what you bring to that relationship. *Hugs*

Hi again SadNLonely. Just reading your reply, you said you are working on bringing your feelings down to a level you can cope with. You are also trying to analyse all the whys, which we all do at times like this. Consider this for a moment: By analysing and continually asking "why" questions you are automatically revisiting the very emotional states that are bringing you down, creating and endless loop. Your brain will always come up with an answer, even if it has to make something up! So in doing this, you unintentionally end up in a downward spiral, does that make sense? One of the things a good therapist will do is get you to look at things differently - get outside of yourself, if you will - and see it from another perspective. You can do this yourself by dissociating - in other words, try to look at things from the viewpoint of something not connected with the problem. They would have no emotional attachment (and therefore no pain associated to it personally), and they come from a position of strength because of that. I have said this to a lot of people on here because it is so powerful - put your thoughts down on paper, because essentially, it is the same thing, the emotional content is lessened dramatically or even removed, and you can then see things rationally. By the way, go ahead and vent all you want - it helps!:)

Ever heard the saying "get some distance on the problem?" There is a lot of common sense behind that statement. It means that in time, the emotional intensity automatically lessens and we see things in their true perspective. There comes a point where you have to stop asking why (pain), how could he do this to me (hurt), what did I do wrong (guilt/insecurity) why wasn't I enough (self esteem knackered!) I thought my life was going to be with this person (loss/grief) - talk about a recipe for feeling terrible - and gently lead yourself into a more positive focus: Fact - there are millions of wonderful caring men out there who would love to be with you (hope/peace of mind); thank God I have friends and family who love and support me (gratitude); I have a roof over my head, food in my tummy, money etc (security) and so on. The truth? It is NEVER about what happens, it is ALWAYS about how you perceive it, and THAT is what gets us through the tough times. Take care, hope this puts a smile on your face :)

thislpass, you have given some great words of advice. Thanks for putting these roller coasters of emotions into perspective.

You're welcome Vawmcole! Nowa roller coaster is supposed to be fun, isn't it! Anything but in these situations. But you know the really cool thing about a roller coaster is although it goes down (sad moods), it has to come up again to be doing its job (good moods), right? In fact the best ones climb really high (great moods)! I love roller coasters :)
Going through some major turmoil myself at the moment, but I keep rewriting over the negatives (and they are 'orrible, specially when they gang up on me first thing in the morning) with positive thoughts and feelings because I know, this is temporary, not permanent and I do have a choice to let it get me down or I can fight it, conquer it, get over it and move on, which is what I do. Ain't nuthin out there big enough to stop me. Remember, you are as strong or as weak as you decide to be inside. Just decide. Peace love and mung beans baby, it gets betterit has to, doesn't it?