You have one hell of a mess there. I would say to hell with all of them !
First of all your husband is a dirt bag and is manipulating you ! Tell him to get out and how could you ever trust him again after this. You need to grow a back bone and find some self worth and say enough is enough. I am sorry if my words are harsh , but your self worth is in the toilet and you are letting people run all over you and you need someone to kick you in the ass and get you moving. There are a few good men left in this world that would love and cherish you for the person you are. So why let these dogs take up your time and waste your life ?

I can't say if you should stay married or not, but I would tell the OW's H to f*ck off because it's not his business what the hell you do with your life.

I agree this is between you and your husband only. Do
Not talk to the ow husband at all. Tell him to take care
Of his own problems not yours. No is a complete sentence!

Did I understand you to say that you "refuse to have sex with him until he ends the affair"?? Does that mean you WANT to have sex with him (i.e., reconcile) when he ends the affair? In any case you CANNOT have sex with him until everybody concerned has a full panel of STD tests. The LAST thing you need is to start over with a herpes albatross around your neck.

I don't understand the logic of the OW's husband wanting you to rush the divorce. Hmmm... How do you know him? I don't suppose you and the OW's husband would be a good match for each other?

I want to add to what everyone else said and say that the other guy pursuing you right now is an asshole. He's trying to take advantage of you when you're vulnerable.

After finding out about my ah affair i did total std testing. He claimed
Nothing happened till after he told me he wanted a divorce. I did not
Believe or trust him. No more sex from me but we had been active
Right before he told me. You need to wait 30 days after contact for
Herpes to show up.

wow, 4 people, 2 are cheating monsters, 1 is the mixed up husband of the cheating wife, and 1 is normal you.

manipulation is what scumbag piece of shit cheaters do, it is the evil inner nature to corrupt, twist, and defile all towards their sick selfish aim

get away from you husband, his gf and her husband, not one of them gives a __________________ about you

good luck

^^^DITTO what Refurb says^^^
Cheaters have to lie and lie to cover their lies..its a no win at that point. Leave him and the rest of the merry band of idiots in your rear view mirror, that whole situation is the definition of TOXIC. Good luck

Some straight talk needed here:

Leave him with no regrets - your husband is a dirtbag to treat you this way and not worthy of you. There is no situation where this behaviour is acceptable.

There are plenty of decent men out there, life is too short to live with an asshole like this and YOU DESERVE BETTER. Honestly, what a creep! So sorry for you. Do yourself a favour, dump him and never put up with this ever.

If you wonder are there any decent men left, simply look at the comments on here and there is your answer. I wish you the best.

Hi everyone,

Thanks for your comments.

I may have not made it clear enough in my initial post, but I have not given in to any of the mens demands and dont plan to. I simply feel frustrated and at a loss why so many people would be trying to manipulate me right now. I am trying to deal with those feelings right now.

As far as STDs go, I have a doctors appointment already set up.

Also, I have no interest in an intimate relationship with the OW husband and dont jump in bed with the first man I see. Anyways I dont think I would want to jump into another manipulative relationship.

Thank you again.

In regards to Herpes, Mirandac is partly correct. You want TWO tests: one for IgG antibodies and one for IgM antibodies. The IgM antibodies are "immediate" and indicate a recent infection (within the last 60 or so days). IgG antibodies indicate an infection older than 60 days. That can be very useful to pinpoint when you contracted it. (But of course, hopefully all talk of ANY stds will not be of any concern for you.).

Thank you for explaining the difference. I had the full range testing,
Anything that could be passed sexually between my ah and his gf
To me.

Someone i know contracted std from new bf ,new bf xw was cheating
And new bf unknowingly passed it on to this woman.

I agree with what everyone is saying here. Your husband has shown where his heart is, and it is not with you. Yes, you need to see your GYN and get tested. Yes, you need to tell the husband of the other woman to tend to his own mess. You are not obligated to him or his family. Who cares if he's giving you the cold shoulder? He isn't your concern.

I feel very manipulated. I feel like my husband is exercising ownership, rather than showing love. I am being very straightforward about my feelings and intentions. I told him over a week ago I am moving out. I have told the kids the same. Then last night, because we have been getting along, he acted surprised to hear me explain to the kids that my plans haven't changed. He acted sad and mopey, and now the kids are upset with me.

I'm moving out. I am taking the kids. I am going to get my life together. I have my first session with a a therapist tomorrow, and I am looking forward to it. I have agreed to go to marriage and famly counseling, even after I move out. If we can fix our marriage, I will be happy to resume my life with him. But I need to fix me. I need to be my own biggest champion. I need to remember who I was before I was Mrs. So-and-So; before I was Mom. I'm sure I'm not that same 19 year old, starry-eyed girl. I'm sure I'm even better now than I was before. I'm excited to get started.

Sorry, my point in that post was that I think you need to practice self care, as well.

I get absolutely how you are feeling. My ex of 3 years was a master mental manipulator. Although we break up, he swore he'd attempt to work it out with me and not talk to any other women. I was the best thing he ever had, did he follow through on that? No. I realize that they are emotional leeches that suck and suck until we are left with nothing to live on. We are not here to just make sure they live happy lives, we should be happy as well. Codependent people always make excuses for them, I know them and you don't know, he isn't this way. Truth is, they are typically screwed up in the head! I had the most disastrous interaction with my ex, where he destroyed his home and his belongings because of me. Why? I had anxiety over driving. I was perfect other than him verbally abusing me for purposely not driving to him. Yes, the point is...you are better and deserve better. Codependents needs to stick together and grow. Inspire one another to grow.