Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
So.....we have been separated for 5 weeks....holy crap, five weeks already.
Hes staying at his mom and stepdads.
In those 5 weeks, he sees the girls for a grand total of approximately 15-20min a week. He picks each one up and drops off for dance on Tuesday and Thursday's....his choice...not mine or the girls. We have not told him he can't see them any more than that....this is what he came up with. He texts them through out the week, but the older 2 (22, 17) haven't really responded to him....they are pissed and hurt. Youngest (14) does though. I am getting tired of being middle man between him and the girls. Why do I have to make the peace between them.....I'm just as pissed and hurt! Have to constantly tell them to at least acknowledge that he has texted them.
Anyways....he is staying at his parents....just a few blocks away. Now....it's been 5 weeks.....and not ONCE has his mom....you know, the grandmother of our girls...even messaged, called, texted....anything, to find out how they are doing. Seriously?!?!
i questioned him about this.....he says his mom doesn't want to get involved. Um....excuse me? How is asking how they are doing getting involved. Grrrrr....mama bear roar! He says well, when I come over, I tell you guys hi from them. Oh yeah...that shows true caring. *insert eye roll here*
Oh....don't think I mentioned that MIL and step FIL have a new grandchild...his daughter had a baby a month ago....and everything is about new baby...mil is going crazy making things for new baby, posting all this stuff on fb about this. My girls are hurt, because nothing in 5 weeks....they felt replaced, unwanted....you know....hurt!
Anytime youngest was invited for sleepover there....it was only because his granddaughter was sleeping over as well. Youngest had had enough and finally stopped going, since she realized it wasn't about her, but keeping the other one entertained.
so....mentioned this to hubby....and he was like....well the girls don't contact mom either.....yeah well, they are hurt, they see how she is so gaga for new baby....they don't feel special, why should they...it's only been 5 weeks...and not once has she checked on them.
Guess he said something to his mom....cause wouldn't you know it....she texted them a few hours later inviting them over for lunch or dinner the next day. It was a no go...as 14 was going to my moms for a sleepover, and 17 was working. So MIL was like ok....let me know when is good for you. Guilty conscience? Probably.
Got the boot. I stayed no contact with my ex
And purposely with his mother after the divorce
And i moved out of town.
Blood is thicker than water. Your children will
probably see the Grandparents when he takes
them to visit them. I would not expect much/any
Support from them, he will get the support not
you. My XMIL just loves his GF. HUGS
But, one thing I've experienced is how bloody awkward everyone feels in this situation. I don't know your story... but if your ex left you, MIL may be feeling guilty, worried you don't want to hear from her, and desparately trying to figure out how to navigate while still maintaining a relationship with her son (this was the case with my MIL). If you initiated, she may be feeling hurt for her son.
My parents and my in-laws took my separation harder than I ever could have imagined. They desperately love their kids (like we do ours) and they are trying to navigate their own pain and loss and worry for us. And, in my case anyway, it meant for some strange behaviour and awkward moments at first.
If you had all had a good relationship before... maybe you could just tell her how you feel. That you still want her in your life... in your kids lives. That you need her support.
And, no point communicating thru your ex. Whatever your story, it is unlikely he is going to be a fair and unbiased messenger!!!