Oh Hell yeah.

Both stages can last for a long time. Just don't find someone to help your esteem. That's just trouble waiting to happen.

Yep, anger is going to come, and is perfectly normal, but you are getting better, moving forward and that is just what is needed right now.
JacJac, gave some excellent advice about using this time for you, to heal , so that the next time an opportunity might come u[, you will be ready.. Big hugs, Kimmee

Friend...

Sounds like your one step ahead of me. I still havent reached that point where I want to kick his ass yet.. But I am sure looking forward to it

Strumphyy, The way you feel is totally normal, as far as my experience goes.

After my husband told me that he had been unfaithful with prostitutes and a stripper, I would look at women all the time, and think, "Did any of them look like her?"

Although I don't think about the women my husband had sex with that much any more, a side effect of his behavior is that my self-esteem has been sliced and diced. We can't compare ourselves to others. In this world of airbrushed pictures of models and exponential growth in the plastic surgery industry, there's no way to feel like you measure up once you start comparing yourself to others. This is why you and I can't--we have to say, "I am who and what I am, you can take it or leave it."

Be who you want to be, the best version of yourself that you can be.

I don't want to kick his ass, but I want to get strong and feel like I could if I needed to. Hang in there. ; )

I am at the stage where I would like to run over my STBX with my truck..But I won't..I am so angry at him for destroying what I thought was a good marriage, I now know it was not that good and not good for a long time..I am so happy now that he is gone, but my self-esteem is shot

Yep, you should stop thinking about it. ...

But who among us could do that quickly? If we could do that easily we probably would not be here. We would probably have some kind of mental disorder if could throw it all away in an instant and move on like nothing was important to us.

Forgive him and forget him or it will always be about him. There is a process and I have felt the anger as well and just last night had to deal with some anger after one year. It is all part of the distancing part of the process.

Good luck, you are on your way to a new and exciting life.

RR99

Strumphyy:

I totally get it and agree with the other posts. Anger is healthy but you do need to move on (ok to wallow in it for awhile though- lol). Self-esteem - yes, it can go down the tubes. I knew the OW my husband acquired post separation and I know damn well I'm better looking, smarter, better employed, a better cook, have more friends - you get the idea. I guess my self-esteem wasn't too badly damaged because I'm old enough to put it in perspective and have.

Warm hugs to you.

Lynne

I totally agree with the 2 times, I go between anger and low self esteem then back to anger, hurt, pain, and wanting to run over him with his truck. I was diagnosed with a mental illness BPD and so he has used it to leave me after 38 years...We can be friends, what the f... is that. I am left with my pension and ssn. He is taking his mother, who I took care of the last year, which was a year from Hell and her money... around 2 mil. and here I am. I see older couples holding hands and happy. I had a dream of retirement, traveling, getting another home together, etc. Now everything has to be split .... it is so painful, like a knife sliced my heart right out of me. We tried consoling ended up to be separation consoling for him. She, told him I had abused him for 38 years, and I was seriously mentally ill. go figure. So he is still here with his mother, packing stuff in front of me. oh, get this found a 1/2 sister in Chicago, and guess again that is where he is moving - 2 blocks away. My therapist says she is the "other" woman...how sick is that.

will I am just ranting... it is a mess and I live in Hell House right now.

What you are feeling is completely normal..I remember that stage all too well. Take your anger and turn into something productive...but it back on you! Not in the sense of beating yourself up..but BUILD yourself up for YOU and no one else. You can do it! ((hugs))

I'm going through that stage now. I worry that I'm not good enough. I know that it's not true, but I can't help feeling that way. I think it's better for me not to worry about what he's up to.

Oh.. I didn't realize low self esteem was a phase.... Hmmm.. It's been over a year and I think mine has actually, gotten lower.

I hope this is a phase for you... Mine is, apparently, a lifetime phase.

3 years since separation, almost 2 since divorce final, still have low self-esteem

Me too.

I've had low self esteem problems for years now. Don't know when they started. They probably explain why I chose to marry such a dumb ass jerk. I am going through the anger stage. I want to run him over with his truck. My car is too nice for that. I found out he just got a motorcycle. Good! I hope he breaks a leg or something!
I really hope this stage goes away soon. It's frustrating not to be able to kick his ass. As for the self-esteem, maybe some day...

Oh I know this feeling. My ex was always pointing out girls he thought were hot. I got to the point I could pick them out on my own and I would imagine how much better he would like them than me. I am at a point of very low self-esteem at this point as well. I never feel pretty enough or good enough. I notice every pretty girl and get very down thinking I will never be the best option in anyone's mind. My only advice would be to do things that make you feel better. I've started going to the gym and volunteering at an animal shelter. Both things make me feel better about myself inside and out.