don't know what to suggest.. the main thing is do u both have feeling for each other if so u may ha e hope. if not move on..

Do you have any kind of understanding as to why she isn't motivated in life? Have you ever been able to have a calm, non acusatory conversation with her about her not pulling her weight? (Oh, weight, I have to say this - don't "joke" about her belly. Few women would ever take kindly to that kind of comment.) I believe the only way relationships have of surviving is if there is open honest communication. Tell her what you want from her, ask her what she wants of you. Talk about short term goals, long term goals. If your goals don't jive in the least bit, then I would say you two are not compatible. If you see common ground, then work together (not as scolding daddy) to achieve your goals. Let her know of your concerns. She may have some of her own that she hasn't been able to bring up.

While I agree with jojored to a point, I'd also like to say the following:

She is not A child and she is not YOUR child.

I'm in my 50's as well, and at this stage of my life I've learned that you can't and shouldn't want to be changing anyone else.

If you're so disenchanted/disgusted/whatever, do the both of you a favor and respectfully end it.

I'm going to be good and careful about who I choose to become involved with, because it will be just that- MY CHOICE. So I have no one to blame for any dissatisfaction BUT myself.

If I can't accept someone for who they are and vice versa, it's not a healthy relationship.

I don't have the time or patience for that nonsense anymore.

And as for the belly remark, I would have ended it right there.

Idk, certainly sounds miserable for the both of you.

She is an adult; you are an adult. That means you both have the right to make choices regarding your lifestyles.

If she choices a lifestyle that includes laziness, drinking daily and overall non-productiveness, that is her prerogative. You probably won't be able to change her, either by imposing rules, treating her like a child, giving her "suggestions" and earned praise.

So you get to make a choice about your lifestyle and whether or not it includes her.

I think the people who have learned to improve their mental health all have learned one thing. When you are in a screwed up situation with someone who is a total mess you had better figure out how you got there because you went willingly. Just for starters let's talk about what I see from your attitude. As far as do I treat her like a child-she puts up with me thinking I need to parent her-as far as the belly insult I would call you abusive and I believe it was to motivate her to lose weight but it would have motivated me to leave you. I think you will find that maybe looking at what you bring to the party would give you more clarity then worrying about her. I don't mean to be judgmental but everyone has motivation. Does she put up with your attitude because you pay the bills and she can lay around so it is more important to her to have it easy than have someone who treats her with respect? Maybe you need to look at what you want in a partner and figure out why you don't have it. To me I have self respect so I do things to take care of myself, I function in society and work hard so I can be proud of myself. However since I have that respect for myself I demand it from men I am involved in and not for one second would I give you a second glance if you even tied to treat me like a child or became abusive with your belly comments.

great insight from the responses. yes it is not an issue of fathering..it's an issue of are you on the same level as her as a partner? if not then it is going to be challenging. Best to depart.

Obviously he isn't "OK" with just about everything about her.

Some better questions are

- what attracted you to this person to begin with

-why do you feel you have a right to judge someone else, pull their strings for them, and make them conform to who YOU think they should be.

-why are you so hyper focused on what someone else is or isnt doing instead of putting that energy into improving yourself

-why are you still with someone you have so much disdain for (and please don't say you "love her" after you just shredded just about everything you could about her)

I could go on, but eh, that's enough for now.

Sometimes when people refer to themselves as 'old' during a conversation about a relationship, they may be unconsciously comparing themselves to the age of the other person in the relationship. Is your girlfriend much younger than you?

If she is, is that why you think in terms of imposing rules and being strict and giving praise?

It's not the responsibility of one person in an adult relationship to control the behavior of the other person by any means other than what they do as a result. Meaning, if you aren't happy with her in your life and in your home, why is she still there?

I don't see mention of love for her, or admiration of any kind, or even implied fondness. If she's simply younger and she just takes up space, the problem isn't with her, it's with you. You may want to stop considering what kind of discipline and reward system to impose, and instead focus on why you are in this relationship. From that answer you may figure out what you need to do to get out of this unacceptable limbo.

In both my own experience, and my experience observing relationships between a couple of other people in my family, when you've got someone lazy at home who isn't invested in the relationship (and that's what she is, lazy and in-invested, there's no reason to delve into her mental state and make it a bigger issue than it is) and yet you just keep doing what you're doing, you are actually reinforcing that person's actions on a daily basis. It's okay, they think, the worst I get out of sitting on my ass all day is someone nagging me when they come home after work. That's a pretty good deal for a free roof over my head, food on the table, and so on. I've seen this so many times. Her attitude isn't going to change until she has a really, really, self-preservation type of reason to change it. As in two weeks from now I'm living alone so you better go apartment hunting today.

And there is a personality type that will still be lying in bed in two weeks, having done nothing, and that's when you start carrying their things out the door to the salvation army truck. I have a 43 year old niece like this. Her mother has spent years kicking her out and letting her come back home. She hasn't worked in 7 years, she has her own National Library of excuses for why she lives off her 70 year old mom instead of working. She is given every chance to get on her feet, and every time it all comes to a head again, she is still lying in bed when my sister literally moves out, herself, in desperation, because she created a situation that has gone on for so long it will now never change.

Time is not your friend.

I've been doing a lot of sitting on my ass lately.

I do what I want, when I want. For the first time in my life I march to my own drummer, not someone elses.

I own my home. I pay my own bills, and whoever doesn't care for my lifestyle is free to go elsewhere.

The greatest tragedy in life is to spend your whole life fishing only to discover it was never fish that you were after.

Henry David Thoreau

I agree with the others here. How she lives her life is not your job or your responsibility.

However, how you live your own life, and who you keep company with is.

You need to decide if you are happy with this person as she is now. If you are ok with it, then you need to stop complaining. If you are not ok with it, then it is time to break up and move on.

I tried not to weigh in, the OP sounded like
My ex, thats what he and his mother tried
To do to me, fix me to be more like them.
They were not nice or kind about it either.

He went running to his mother When he
became displeased with me. My Marriage
or what was left of it was really over from
that point on. HUGS

It's those controlling people who have the problem Mirandac, as I'm sure you know.

Be glad you're free of that.

I dated someone who started complaining the minute he found out I had no intention of allowing my entire universe to revolve around his wants and needs.

I just said "well, you don't have that problem anymore", and left.

Gone are the days when I dissolve into tears because someone ELSE has issues.

Thank God

Thanks dandelion, hugs

I dont have alot to add, but I will say this... The roles are reversed in my relationship, and the one thing I can say is.... My husband is Lazy and since Ive been with him and I DO everything in the relationship... its made him Lazy-ER. So, if that's her personality now, to be honest... I doubt she'll change for the better. Because, its been 10 years for me. And in the last 2-3 years, he's been getting Worse. I wish you all the best, but dont keep killing yourself expecting her to eventually "Get It" and join in... I think you might have to just accept her as she is :-) *My husband is 57 and Im 43 years old.