Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Cliff notes version: Worked with a guy for 5 1/2 years. We became good friends, then friends with benefits and then best friends with benefits. He was married when i started working with him and i always wondered "what if he werent married. Would he be interested in me?" Well 2 years into working, he announced that he was getting a divorce. His wife was a liar who stole money from her work and she had cheated on him. He was done. I helped him thru his divorce by being a friend. Things escalated afterwards. He dated 2 other women after that and always ended up back with me like we were supposed to be together. I fell in love with him over a course of 3 years. He was my best friend, we had eachothers backs, we had an alliance. Well, work broke that alliance because we both knew there was some shadiness going on within the mangement of our department and we reported it. They eventually forced him out.
He promised me that nothing between us would change...but they did. He got distant and we didnt see eachother for 5 weeks. I saw him last Thursday and we talked for 3 hours. We were intimate with eachother (oral sex for him) and everything seemed like it was ok. He had said that he was busy working since he was a new supervisor at his job and was giving his department an overhaul. I believed him. Why wouldnt i.
I was friends with his ex thru the divorce and after. We had been hanging out alot lately which i thought was strange but ok. Yesterday, i find out that he is going on a date with her this Saturday night and after i told him that i sensed that they were getting back together, he tells me that he wants to see where this is going to go between them. I guess he is a glutton for punishment since she caused him a world of pain. He somehow failed to tell me this before he unzipped his pants just a week ago. I was devestated and told him that i wont get in the way and he told me that i wasnt. How am i not??? I texted his ex and told her good luck with him and that i wouldnt be able to hang out with her anymore because of him wanting to get back with her. She has been lying to me too saying she was done with him and that they got a divorce for a reason and now that i know she is like "im excited to give it another shot". REALLY???? UGH! She told me that she wants to have another baby and doesnt want him to have another child with anyone but her. Im sure if she's not already, that she will be pregnant soon. She asked me if him and i had sex and told me to be honest. I told her yes and she told me that one of us was lying because he said "No! She made advances on me and i stopped them before it got to that". IVE BEEN HAVING SEX WITH HIM FOR 3 YEARS!!!!! I told her to believe him cause that's what she will do anyway.
Well, his step mom works with me and i wanted to tell her what was going on before she only hears one side of the story. She ended up texting him and he texted his ex and he got pissed at me and called me "pathetic". Gee, thanks. Now i am not talking to him, the ex , or the step mom. I have deactivated my facebook account so I dont have to see them. I told the ex to delete her and him from my friends list. I dont know if they did yet. I just cant sit around and see how "happy" they are if they DO get back together.
Am i wrong for any of this? Im really hurt right now and i know its only going to get worse because even though he was lying to me, i still love him more than anyone ive ever loved before. Being with another man repulses me. I only want him. I just dont know what to do about this. Ive cut the ties. If they dont get back together, is it possible to think that he might be back, asking me to be his friend again? How do I cope with all of this? Can someone give me some advice please?
He promised me that nothing between us would change...but they did. He got distant and we didnt see eachother for 5 weeks. I saw him last Thursday and we talked for 3 hours. We were intimate with eachother (oral sex for him) and everything seemed like it was ok. He had said that he was busy working since he was a new supervisor at his job and was giving his department an overhaul. I believed him. Why wouldnt i.
I was friends with his ex thru the divorce and after. We had been hanging out alot lately which i thought was strange but ok. Yesterday, i find out that he is going on a date with her this Saturday night and after i told him that i sensed that they were getting back together, he tells me that he wants to see where this is going to go between them. I guess he is a glutton for punishment since she caused him a world of pain. He somehow failed to tell me this before he unzipped his pants just a week ago. I was devestated and told him that i wont get in the way and he told me that i wasnt. How am i not??? I texted his ex and told her good luck with him and that i wouldnt be able to hang out with her anymore because of him wanting to get back with her. She has been lying to me too saying she was done with him and that they got a divorce for a reason and now that i know she is like "im excited to give it another shot". REALLY???? UGH! She told me that she wants to have another baby and doesnt want him to have another child with anyone but her. Im sure if she's not already, that she will be pregnant soon. She asked me if him and i had sex and told me to be honest. I told her yes and she told me that one of us was lying because he said "No! She made advances on me and i stopped them before it got to that". IVE BEEN HAVING SEX WITH HIM FOR 3 YEARS!!!!! I told her to believe him cause that's what she will do anyway.
Well, his step mom works with me and i wanted to tell her what was going on before she only hears one side of the story. She ended up texting him and he texted his ex and he got pissed at me and called me "pathetic". Gee, thanks. Now i am not talking to him, the ex , or the step mom. I have deactivated my facebook account so I dont have to see them. I told the ex to delete her and him from my friends list. I dont know if they did yet. I just cant sit around and see how "happy" they are if they DO get back together.
Am i wrong for any of this? Im really hurt right now and i know its only going to get worse because even though he was lying to me, i still love him more than anyone ive ever loved before. Being with another man repulses me. I only want him. I just dont know what to do about this. Ive cut the ties. If they dont get back together, is it possible to think that he might be back, asking me to be his friend again? How do I cope with all of this? Can someone give me some advice please?
I think it's the karma train making its rounds. The relationship was spawned from misgivings it undoubtedly should end that way. Your relationship, believe it or not started at your friendship. I am sure there were times where he was spending time with you, when he should have been elsewhere. It was an emotional affair.
I think you are correct to have cut all contact, and deleted your facebook account. It's all drama there anyway.
As far as "if they don't get back together"... You really wanna be the booby prize? You are setting yourself up for "doormat".
Let's walk down the evil path... He bangs her for a while, decides he doesn't want her, he wants you (again). You go running back. In this, he's already trained you to accept him being wishy-washy, and I am damn certain he'll do it again, as you have already accepted it once, why wouldn't you again?
I don't really think you think that little of yourself to set yourself up for that kinda ride. And it might be a wise idea to seek a counselor.
For your own happiness please forget about this guy and just don't contact him or let him contact you again. He really is scum.
I wish you the best.
((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))
i appreciate your input. Yes, i am tired of being the "booby prize". Its happened before with other guys in the past. I hoped that this time was different. We were super close...at least i thought we were. I asked him to be 100% honest with me because he knows what hurt i went thru 5 years ago and he was there to be my support. I guess he cant handle the honesty because it makes him feel like crap and he doesnt want that. Unreal. I wish they would realize what lies do. And yes, I think karma might be leading him back to her so it can run him over. I think he is in for another rude awakening, especially if he gets her pregnant. Right now, i am afraid that i would take him back with open arms. I have to learn to set boundaries...somehow.
Thanks again