Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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Lost hope

J3NNY
J3NNY

This year seriously sucked. 


I left my fiancé who I was with for five years and is also the father of my child has been difficult. A couple months after I thought I had a chance with one of my closest friends who has been there for me for years upon years but he just told me he wants to be young and mess round while he still can and he’s not looking to date or anything.  But little did I know that he did want to date but not me I basically told him that he’s dead to me because he’s very selfish and ignorant but the love I have for him is really strong so it’s really hard to follow my word and just push them out of my life it’s not easy for me to just push people out of my life like that I’m a very loyal and trustworthy and caring person it’s  in my DNA. Then This guy who I recently started hanging out with me and him had so much in common when it comes to being hurt and wanting to find love and with our definition of love is and what values we look for in a relationship we related to each other so well and that scary and I honestly thought that this was too good to be true for match made in fucking heaven some bullshit like that but little did I know that he broke down my walls for only one purpose and that was to fuck me..then drop me like a bad habit I haven’t really talked to him since than. Also my grandfather practically raised my sisters and I died on Christmas morning at 10:18 AM so that fucked me up pretty bad so I’m just getting fucked over left and right and I no longer have any hope for 2018 at this point I’m numb I can’t really feel anything right now I don’t know what it’s like to be happy I know that’s really selfish To say because I have a child and he’s a greatest thing in my life but I know when he’s older he’s going to go on with his life he’s not gonna be here forever but I know I’ll just be alone everyone like my friends and family tells me I’m such a gem but how can I be a gem when all people do is just throw me away.  I’ve went over in my mind over and over and over again what did I do wrong what did I say how did I see it what... Did I do to make them think that they could just do that to me my five-year relationship with my fiancé wasn’t the greatest that’s why I left and I wasn’t searching for anybody These guys just popped in my life at the end of 2017 and they fucked up my head pretty bad I don’t know what to do or think or say anymore I’m just numb

OlderCPer
OlderCPer
I'm so very sorry for the loss of your Grandfather, I'm sure that pain and grief will take some time to work through.

Perhaps spending some time just getting to be happy with just you, learning that being with just you and your child is enough, that you can love yourself and be happy single, there doesn't have to be a man in the picture, maybe if you take some time to understand and get to that point, then later when you meet the right person to be in both of your lives, it will make the relationship that much stronger.
anneccleaver
anneccleaver
I am so sorry for your losses. I would recommend taking your time next time and getting to know a person at least two years. Greiving takes time also . Please know you are not alone, maybe try some Meetup.com stuff they arent a dating site just for hobbies. You meet new people for friends. They go by your zip code. They have everything book clubs, knitting groups etc.
anneccleaver
anneccleaver
Also public libraries sometimes have special events like play, movie nights or even puppet shows and stuff. Some of them are for adults.
Cora_Belle
Cora_Belle
For some perspective...

I was divorced when my children were 3 and 6. I lost custody of them due to my untreated alcoholism. I lost a marriage, husband, children - family all in one fail swoop.

I got sober, met a wonderful man, got married (happily and lovingly) and have been able to live a relatively good life for the last 18 years.

BUT, not a day goes by that I wouldn't trade everything (save my sobriety) for the chance to raise my son and daughter, be with them every day, tuck them into bed every night, watch them grow. You are blessed with the opportunity to love your child daily, to experience every moment with him.

I would rather be "alone" (i.e. without a man) raising my children, then "with" someone without my babies.
gigihow
gigihow
Wow, you are definitely going through a rough time and I’m sure ready for a New Year. I’m truly sorry for your loss. Grandfather’s can be so special and important especially in a young girls life. It sounds like you and your siblings spent a lot of time with him. and holidays can be hard even without the loss of someone so close to you. Do you have anyone to turn to for advice or support? You didn’t mention parents, so I’m guessing you don’t have or don’t want to turn to them, but it’s so important as a single mom to build a strong emotional support system. It’s hard. I know because I’ve been one for a long time and it sucks. What got me out of bed some days when I didn’t think I could was my daughter. It wasn’t easy but I was all she had and I knew her “father” wasn’t ever going to be there for her. You knew your son’s dad wasn’t right and you left. That takes incredible courage. You do deserve a social life outside of parenting, and it’s nice to have attention from men. We want to believe the best in them, but honestly, unmarried good ones are very hard to find, especially in your twenties. I’m sure you do have a good heart, have a lot to offer someone and were not looking for these recent men you experienced heartache with. However, you’re very pretty and I’m sure nice, so men will always be there. It’s up to you to take a step back from all of that now and grieve not only your Grandfather, but the end of your 5 year relationship. Little things help move us forward. Signing up for a class, reaching out to a friend you haven’t talked to or seen in awhile, take your son somewhere new in your town. There’s always fun, inexpensive things to do for kids. You could try reading some short books or listening on tape ways to feel better and find happiness and peace, or talking to your doctor or seeing a counselor if that’s an option.
I don’t have the answers. I just feel your pain and frustration through your words and wanted to reach out.
You are stronger than you think and I’m sure a wonderful mother. The stronger you are, the better off he will be and the better the chance of you attracting and meeting the right man for you and your son.
Take care.
Cora_Belle
Cora_Belle
If your profile info is accurate, you are 19yo. You have plenty of time to find the right man to share your life with. Take your time and chose the right guy, not just any guy.
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