I would not marry a man who has secrets....and he has secrets. And marriage or any relationship is never perfect, so give up that idea...it's hard work, but unless you're both working toward the same goal with the same morals and strengths, then it doesn't tend to work.

Affairs come in many shapes and sizes...there are physical affairs and there are emotional affairs....both are wrong if you are in a relationship. Some people don't feel that way, but if your partner is getting something from someone else that he should be getting from you, then your relationship will not work.

I would sit him down and you to need to have a very long talk about your relationship and whether or not both of you really want to be in it, and what both of your expectations are for it. And you need to be very honest about your feelings and expectations.

Take care,
Kat

You deserve truth and honesty. You deserve trust. You deserve the love and commitment you give. If it’s your fiancé or someone else, I hope you find that person. And thank you for your kind words on my post. Pretty amazing that you found time to share words of comfort when you’re experiencing such heartache yourself.

I agree with OlderCPer. Love is not enough to change a man and make him faithful, honest and true. You are being blessed with all the red flags and warning signs.. whether you see them and walk away or proceed to marry him and continue to live off of hope that he will change someday is a choice you will have to make. You and only you have to live with the consequences of the choice you make for your life partner.

I'm a relationship blogger, well i'm just starting out and ironically i just wrote a post this morning that relates to your situation:

Last night I was talking about my oldest daughter and I said, 'she's not ready for a nice guy.' It was the most fucked up thing I ever said and the reality of it is even more fucked up. We need to date the assholes until we are ready to appreciate the nice guys; the guys that don't lie, don't cheat, don't have addictions and aren't manipulative. Why? Why can't we appreciate the nice guys for who they are before we've been broken down by the assholes?Why do we subject ourselves to years of misery and pain before we can openly, honestly and wholeheartedly love the nice guy?
This question bothers me. Why have I turned down so many good guys in my younger years? Why did I continuously find my deepest attraction in all the wrong guys?

Its 'Lemons to Lemonade Blog' on FB if you would like to read more post. I went from being in a toxic marriage and insanely miserable for way too many years to being happy and in love, so now i write about my experiences; past and present to try to help others from going through what i had to go through to get where i am now.

I've been there...and yeah your intuition is warranted. First of all, you don't seem like a jealous person...you're not snooping. But a good boyfriend would want to put your fears at rest. He wouldn't mind letting you read his messages with him present if they are just innocent friendship messages. I allowed my ex to have free range of my phone. However, he had a password, constantly beeping phone that he took to the bathroom with him even showering. LOL. Hindsight is a bitch.

Look if you are putting alot of effort into getting a job he wanted you to have and doing this or that to make it work...and it seems to suck...you have to ask yourself...what the fuck is he doing to make the relationship work? Being a sneaky little rat???

If you're feeling neglected...then you are neglected. You have to think with your head and be smart. You don't have to have a Jerry Springer moment. There are millions and millions of men in this country...who are probably waiting for someone like you.

Don't waste another year, minute, dream, hope, tear, or stress...on someone who isn't valuing you as much as you value them. Everyone is replaceable and you will love someone so much more that makes you feel safe and secure. Romance can easily be recreated with anyone...but a good man is a good man. Stop staying with manchildren, players, and confused men.

Take care and sending you light and love!

OlderC said it well.

Hi, I had my suspicions about my ex that was eventually confirmed, and it hurt. It doesn’t feel good not to be able to trust someone with whom you are so in love with. Have you considered moving back out?

Also, do you think that you and he may be interested in attending a pre-marital class? If you are looking for a class, you might check out your local church. Our church offered the classes where we attended. It may make you feel better if you know that you are both committed to the relationship.

I can say that for me, attending a pre-marital class was a real eye-opener. It helped me and my fiancé both see the areas in which we were compatible and the areas that we may have to work a little hard at in order to find a compromise. It was a great place to really discover more about the areas of life that we may not look that deeply into, especially at the beginning of a relationship. My thoughts are sure with you and I hope that things work out for you.