My case, after 22 years together, 19 being married...she wanted a break asked me to move out for at least 2 weeks, twice. I said no both times. I tried talking to her, asked her to go to marriage counseling, she just kept distancing herself from me. I find out later she has had 3 affairs and several emotional ones. All people she met through social media. Facebook, instagram,etc. She said she just wanted to go out and have fun. I guess her idea of fun was sleeping with other people. This hurt a lot, the pain, betrayal and all the lies. I was blindsided. I don't know your entire situation but this is mine. I can never work thru what she has done to me. I do believe some couples can work it out and stay together. It just takes a lot of work and time to build that trust up. The 2 biggest things for me in a relationship are trust and communication...without those, there is not much there. You need to work on yourself, you can't force a relationship. I wish you well and hope all things will work out for you.

I would discuss marriage counseling with her. I would also get into individual counseling. You have admitted that you have done some things that contributed to the current situation, now it's time to work on finding out why and how to communicate better. I was/am in your wife's situation. My husband did some things that caused me to leave him. I tried to reconcile but he never changed the patterns of behavior that made staying married to him impossible. I don't want to see that happen to you. You can't control her but you can help yourself. Peace be with you in your pain. I wish you the best.

Thank you for your responses.

@ripped_my_heartout: it really does hurt. She did have a emotional connection with a friend of ours. I was supportive at times in letting her go and maybe she will realize she wants me instead. But on the other hand I was scared and let my emotions get the best of me to where we are longer friends with that guy and she is pissed that I intervened. I am so distraught. She discussed it with me and was very open. I was just scared that I will lose her forever. I think it may be too late.

@ZenOne: I am seeing a Therapist to help me cope with it. Unfortunately, I couldn't convince her to join me or see her therapist. You are right she would mention things about me and I would change for some time and revert back. Thank you for your insight. I am just lost and don't know where my life will take me next. Like I mentioned too, I'm scared that it is too late

Keep working on yourself and reaching out
For healthy loving support. I am glad you are
In therapy to help you cope. Divorce care.org
Is another great resource.

You can only fix you not her or your marriage
If she is unwilling. My ex had an attachment to
One woman the first go around the second time
Was a another woman and he Went underground
and it was deeper friendship. They all belonged to
a support group together.

I Do not know if it ever got physical Does not matter
he was cheating in his heart and bonded with another
Woman. He was a checked out spouse for years before
This woman thing started with him.

If there is another person involved with her, then make it a one-way trip for her. If she truly just needs time to think about the two of you, fine, take some time, but time box it.

In the meantime, you get into counseling, assess your finances, and prepare for the worst and hope for the best.

In my experience, when someone moves out, there is an external motivator for it. A person, a place, a job, a social group, drugs/booze, etc.

You can't control her, but you can control your own destiny and reaction.

You can only change yourself. The sooner you figure that out the better. Don't play the pickk me dance with her, it will push her further away. Show her you will be ok, whatever she chooses.

Thank you for all the responses. I really appreciate it during this time. I am working on myself and finding any which way to move forward for myself. I'm trying to give up hope because that always gets me in trouble.

This is harsh mate but I am going through a similar thing. You are probably a decent bloke and as hard as it is, if she doesn't want you any more then that is that. I think every day, how did I let this happen? but really it takes two people to make a relationship work.

You are doing the right and difficult thing in supporting her. Actually it shows how much you love her to do that. Stay strong, remember that if you suddenly go crazy and get angry or start being difficult she will have no reason to want you... Stay yourself, reassure her as much as you can (without being a stalker) as to how much you love her and if it is meant to be you will have given it the best chance.

Don't give up hope - life is too short! But do be prepared though. You can't make someone love you. - trust me, and it hurts but you need to think bigger. Think of your children and all the good you will always have in your life.

I am in the exact same boat except that she doesn't want time. I have changed for the better! She sees the changes but it gets her no closer to me. It seems the more I try, the more mad she gets. She tells me that she is emotionally disconnected to me. She loves me but is not in love with me. She won't go to counseling, but I am. She won't go with me or try it. She tells me nothing is going to change her mind. I'm lost too. Stay strong and keep improving yourself. Prayers

Wow I had no idea there were so many people out there as broken as me. I've been separated (getting divorced for 2nd time) for 4 mths & feel disillusioned with love.
I'd personally not give up but then that's part of my problem but then I've never not had either husband give not give up on me. I wish you well & hope this story has a happy ending & she realises what she has in you is worth fighting for. Good luck xx

When you hear the words " i love you BUT " that is what
most Of us on hear have heard. It generally means they
are a checked out spouse and have found someone new
And no longer want to be married to you. Many times it is
The financials they are watching out for so you won't get
Much or any real honesy from them.

My ex checked out years before the women thing came
Along. I just did not see it or understand what he was truly
Thinking, he wanted out. We did the MC that went no where,
The First time he was called on something that was it no more.
He refused to be honest anyway. HUGS

@Tom1157 I have been asking myself the same question "how did I let this happen?" It has made me messed up mentally. I haven't slept well the past couple nights. But I have consumed myself in many different areas (here included) to find my peace and to ease my mind. I try to be strong, but I let my emotions get the better of me sometimes. But this group has really helped me.

@helpmymarriage @speechless1000 I can't believe there is many of us out there in the same situation either. It is comforting to know that I am not the only one. But I am sadden that this seems to be a fairly normal occurrence. Stay strong as I will do the same. My motto through this is prepare for the worst, but hope for the best.

Thank you everyone for the well wishes. I wish you all the best too. This has really helped me. I appreciate it.

Stay strong mate. I started keeping notes of how I feel like a diary. For me unfortunately my situation won't get better and with two little girls to drag through it, sometimes it feels too much to take. Remember though, you are much tougher than you think, you will get through and sometimes if you love someone you have to let them go.... who knows what the future holds. Kids will keep you connected and there might be hope in the future.

One thing I would recommend, like @helpmymarriage, I am going to councilling. My wife doesn't want to go but after one session it has eased a bit, if only to unload so I don't take it home. It also has helped reaching out to family and friends. I am a massive classic introverted 'stiff upper lip' sort of bloke which has been part of the breaking of my marriage and telling people makes it real which sucks BUT letting people in also makes it much easier to cope. For me it keeps me sane for my kids.

@daydczzx, yes I think it is a fairly common thing sadly (checked out spouse) I think there is on,y so much you can putout thereto try get someone back... there is a time when you have to pick yourself up, learn from it and try to move forwards. My hope is that if my wife doesn't want to be with me then we will be friends, an awesome parenting team.... it's all about the girls for me now.

Hang in there all! It will get better.

Wow! Funny to read this today. My H had a 3 year affair and we have been married 22 years..I found out 4.5 months ago and we have been together every day since...plus we work together..he decided this week he needs space...which means we have to tell our boys which breaks my heart...but we are still going to 'date'. Make sure we are still focusing on us but allowing a bit of space. He's staying with a friend which is good bc there is no commitment of a lease, he made it clear that's why he didn't look into an apartment. I do feel positive about this but scared he may not find his way back to me...or maybe it will be good for me too....but it's still so hard. Thinking of you all! Stay strong