I must add, she is very resentful that I will not be allowing my son to move out of the state. Which effectively "traps" her as she constantly brings up. I am honestly not trying to do anything but be by both of my sons. I just dont know what to do anymore.

Can you get an attorney yourself and file?

I can file it any day. It isnt difficult in my state.

I am simply at a loss for what to do though because it seems like this will become a flaming ball before it gets better, and I really dont want that between us. I am just very hurt by everything.

I am so sorry to hear about your situation tdemmer87. I can relate to your pain somewhat but not to the exact. I did not get to the married with kids part. People say she did me a good service by cheating on me and dumping me. I see both sides to this. I see the good, glad we did not get married and have kids and then she cheats on and leave me. I see the bad, I really wanted to marry her and have kids with her. Really thought she was the ONE. Hang in there and try to do the right thing. God bless you.

Thank you, just really down on myself even though all I want is for everything to be good. It's so difficult given I have moved up this way to be with one child and had another. Now every time there is a fight or disagreement she brings up being "trapped". What relationship would I have with my children if I wasn't around. I am trying to do what is right by them and be apart of there lives as much as possible. Moving my youngest several states away would effectively eliminate any relationship I could have with him :(

So I have since apologized for what was said to keep the peace and what not. I don't honestly feel like I should of after what was said/done but I really would rather not have an ugly mess when I was not the one who wanted this. It is not something I am causing to be done to her. She built her pending issues. :/ just feel very hurt by it even so.

Hi. First of let me tell you how very sorry I am you are dealing with this. I am sure it is very painful, and your requests and desire to move on are completely reasonable.

This is just my opinion, but I think your wife wants her cake and eat it too. To me it sounds like she wants the divorce, but still wants to control you. The pictures coming down, you wanting to buy your own house, your not wanting her to move your children out of state. None of these are unreasonable. You need to start over, and she doesn't want you to do that, or at least that is my take.

No one wants to see a marriage end, but if I were you, if she is not doing what she needs to in terms of getting the ball rolling, you do it. This staying on limbo is not good for you or your kids. Don't let her control you. Don't let her keep you around until she find her back up. You deserve so much better than that.

Thank sja, it is exactly how I feel. I need this to stop but it seems to drag on. I am not the one who started this and now I am the bad guy for trying to do the best I can by our son and both my kids. I am so afraid of what is to come but I am trying to take it head on. I am so afraid of my future as a single dad trying to care for two little boys on my own. It seems foolish but I know I am not perfect and never truly done it. I have cried more over the past few weeks then I have my entire life, I am not super emotional. I just question how I am going to do it. I know mothers do it but this is a new life I have to build now. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this.

You can do it. It is scary for mom's, also, and it isn't going to be a cakewalk, but with some faith, family and confidence, it WILL be OK. Have you tried any local support groups in your area?

Here's my theory on your situation. Obviously, I don't know either of you, so i could be way off base, but I'm just basing this on my own experience and everything I've read.

Your wife had an affair, never thought she'd do it, but your marriage wasn't perfect, so although she felt guilty, it was exciting, and she started justifying it based on your imperfections (completely forgetting her own.) You didn't know, she felt happier now that she had someone who "truly cared" for her...but in the back of her mind, she still had guilt, because she still loves you on some level (just not "in love" with you).

You find out about the affair, tell her to break it off, and she does. She knows it couldn't go anywhere for one reason or another, but now she feels like now the marriage is even worse, and as justified as she felt while she cheated, now she knows that you will always have this one thing that trumps any bad stuff that you do (in her mind).

She can't be happy, and now feels there is no hope for the marriage, and maybe even starts to find ways of seeing the OM again, but this time, knowing that you know and gave her another chance, now she has to be all in to this affair and try to make it work, but can't leave you, because she can't make it alone. The guilt starts to build.

So, she tries to think of the happy outcome. Maybe, if you got an amicable divorce, she could see the AP exclusively, you obviously still love her, so maybe if things don't progress the way she likes with the AP, she can come back and truly beg forgiveness, and you'll take her back. Or, you even find someone new, and the both of you are best friends, and you have a good laugh at how things worked out for the both of you. It was meant to be. So, she goes for it. She tells you that she wants a divorce.

But then she sees how it hurts you. She tries to stay strong, you'll be okay, she'll be okay...it's going to work. But, then, you say you want the pictures down. What? You mean, we aren't going to remember all the good times? You're really that hurt? Wait a minute, you might move on and find someone else? I haven't secured my new relationship yet...

Now, she's angry, you were hurt, but you're ready to move on so fast? You want to forget what a great wife I am? You want to see the kids more than every other weekend? How dare you, I had a plan, dammit. Now, she's having second thoughts, but on top of that, she feels the marriage could never work, and it's all her fault. She keeps trying to gain leverage and remind you of your shortcomings, in a weird way, trying to get back into the marriage.

Just my advice, based on my outlandish theory, but if you want the marriage to work, I would try to find a time when you are both calm, and ask her if she honestly wants a divorce, or would she consider counseling...because you need to move on. You're willing to work on the marriage, but you need her help. If she's not willing to work on the marriage, then you will file for divorce, because you cannot live in limbo.
I wish the best for you, thanks for reading.

I'm sorry for your child and you.

You need to realize that it will not turn into a flameout ball of shit.
It already is.
Her infidelity and wanting to move your son out of state shows she doesn't care / respect you at all, worse it shows that she puts herself before her child.

Your wife is that person, yuck and very sad.

Apologies for my absence.I will explain in short time, but first I would like to thank look for the insight and analysis And refurb. So here is an update. It basically has turned into an anger shark fest. All it basically turned into is me steping on land mines. She eventually received a phone call from my mother after she had enough. I did not ask her to do it. My mom basically laid into her and sent her into tears. I happened to be out at the time and received a message saying "we need to talk". This turned into two hour conversation. It seemed truly productive and seemed like she was listening and we weren't fighting. The next day she is back at her antics and angry, one thing I asked specifically was for her not to talk to her "piece" in front of me. She texted him throughout the day right in front of me. Infuriating to say the least but I kept my cool. I don't know what she expects me to think or do about us in the mean time because honestly she will be completely out on her ass if I file right now , I am just trying to keep this dingy together until I can. I understand I love and care about her to much in the intermediate though. It's like trying to be mean or move on isn't what she wants but divorce is sitting squarely in front of me. She doesn't want to think about it atm. It's all I can think about, because I have a plan for the future . she sits there and gives me bits and pieces of hope that I don't want but because I still feel for her it makes me have hope. It has gone from I will never reconcile with you to 10%. I am like wtf you basically change your mind on a dime and drive me insane. How does someone do that ? If I told someone I wanted a divorce , I would be 100% certain before saying it.

You need to take care of you and your child and do what is best for you. As heartless as this may sound, dealing with her issues and problems (other than those that deal with the coparenting of your child) are not your problem anymore. She wants her cake and eat it too. It sounds like she is trying to keep you on the back burner in case the situation with her piece doesn't work out the way she hopes. I think she is using you, and you have control over that. Don't let her. If she comes to you to reconcile, I would think long and hard about whether you can ever get past what she's done and if you could EVER trust her again.

I have decided to do what makes me happy at this point and that is do everything I can with my boys and Ignore her as much as possible. She doesn't seem to be liking this new me but this is what she wanted. The only thing I can do is what is best for the boys and I