Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
It's a long story but i'll try and be brief. Where to begin?
My husband walked out on me 3yrs ago and left me with 7kids (now 13yrs and under) to look after. I did ok to start with but 7 kids alone got the better of me and I became depressed, very depressed, especailly when he remarried. I had a breakdown and lost the 7 kids. They went to live with him. Now he wants to give them back as him and his wife have high careers. However its complicated. He wants me to move down to where he is which is 45mins away from where I live now so they wont have to change schools. That means leaving my doctor and all my supports. As I lost my kids and I lost my income as I was receiving payments for looking after them. I couldnt get a job as I haven't worked in 13yrs as I was looking after young children. So i've been working in a brothel to pay the mortgage so I can have access to my children on the weekends and on school holidays. I hate it but at least I get to see my kids. I had to quit uni as I couldnt work all night and study during the day then have my kids all weekend so I get no break. I couldnt get another loan to move down near my ex as I dont get child support from him and dont earn enough money.
so here's the thing. He wants me to sell my house and give him the equity of 100 thousand dollars and he and his new wife will buy me a house but it will have conditions. I can't have my name on the title even though i'm contributing a large amount towards the loan, I have to pay all the repayments myself and if I cant cope with the children full time then I will have to get out.
I want the children back but only part time 7 is a lot and I don't think I can cope with them full time but I cant keep working in a brothel either as it's doing my head in. I dont know if I can live with their conditions either.
so theres my situation, anyone got any advice?
My husband walked out on me 3yrs ago and left me with 7kids (now 13yrs and under) to look after. I did ok to start with but 7 kids alone got the better of me and I became depressed, very depressed, especailly when he remarried. I had a breakdown and lost the 7 kids. They went to live with him. Now he wants to give them back as him and his wife have high careers. However its complicated. He wants me to move down to where he is which is 45mins away from where I live now so they wont have to change schools. That means leaving my doctor and all my supports. As I lost my kids and I lost my income as I was receiving payments for looking after them. I couldnt get a job as I haven't worked in 13yrs as I was looking after young children. So i've been working in a brothel to pay the mortgage so I can have access to my children on the weekends and on school holidays. I hate it but at least I get to see my kids. I had to quit uni as I couldnt work all night and study during the day then have my kids all weekend so I get no break. I couldnt get another loan to move down near my ex as I dont get child support from him and dont earn enough money.
so here's the thing. He wants me to sell my house and give him the equity of 100 thousand dollars and he and his new wife will buy me a house but it will have conditions. I can't have my name on the title even though i'm contributing a large amount towards the loan, I have to pay all the repayments myself and if I cant cope with the children full time then I will have to get out.
I want the children back but only part time 7 is a lot and I don't think I can cope with them full time but I cant keep working in a brothel either as it's doing my head in. I dont know if I can live with their conditions either.
so theres my situation, anyone got any advice?
If this is so, then I would do whatever I had to do to be with the kids, even thought someone else would have control of my life, because if I can't get my stuff together, then someone else needs to help me control myself. That's just me.
I agree with the others that said DO NOT DO IT!!!! If you let these people control your entire life you will NEVER be able to get yourself to a point where you can get back on your feet and take care of your children in the manner that you want to. Your husband should help you with the children. Why does it have to be on "his" terms? You love your children but didn't his leaving you alone with them and walking aways to marry someone else contribute to your breakdown? Now she wants to dictate you life as well? I personally would seek some professional help to get back on my feet, see the children when I could as I prepare a life for us. Working in the brothel is obviously not conducive to better mental health for you so as hard as it will be that is something that you will gradually have to back away from. If you can get 100,000 equity from your home why not get that, move into a less expensive place and get child support from him since he has a high career. Don't let this man continue to disrespect you and control you or tell you how you are going to live your life. He gave up that right when he walked out on you and your kids 3 years ago. You need a support group and if you have one where you are depend on them as you work towards remedying your situation. This is YOUR life. Don't give that away. Best of luck to you.