Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I apologize for this post. I don't know why I could not talk myself into condensing it. Feel free to skip it entirely!
An employee recruiter I hadn't seen for a few years invited me to a business luncheon. Our previous meetings had been a mix of business and friendly conversation. The friend part was because he is a former football player for my favorite team, hence we share a passion. I don't know why but this particular invitation seemed odd to me, even though my STBX and I have had lunch with him several times. I replied with small talk until he brought up his wife. At that point I decided his intent was harmless and I accepted the invitation. I was with my STBX so long that I don't even think of men in a romantic way. They all seem asexual to me. That is one reason I can't relate to the temptations cheaters face. It dawned on me after our lunch yesterday that he might have been hitting on me, or maybe it was my imagination. When he complimented me about my appearance among other things, I didn't think anything about it. Our conversation started with him asking about my marriage falling apart. It was more personal than our prior conversations, but we have been friends long enough that it didn't bother me. We aren't BFF's, but you get the point. He shared with me that he had been sleeping on the couch for several months prior to his affair with an old flame. At that point I seized the opportunity to glean information from a cheater's perspective. I was stunned when he told me that he wouldn't be able to get up from the table at that moment if he needed to. He was pitching a tent, so to speak. Talk about awkward! Thank goodness that was near the end of the meal. When I got back to my office which is a five-minute drive, he had emailed me. He told me that he would like to have business luncheons more often and discuss business or whatever comes up, his treat of course.
A former coworker who is married has been sending me questionable messages on Facebook since he learned of my split. He is the holy roller type so I was really surprised when he told me that he misses me, wants to see me more often, and wants me to move closer to him. I only live 20 minutes away with traffic. Once again, I made small talk until the conversation turned to his wife. He asked me if we could get together for New Year's Eve but I told him I was going to watch the ball drop and then go to bed.
I have never cheated on anyone nor have I ever been the other woman. Why are the married men coming out of the woodwork? Even my STBX won't stop pursuing me. I don't mean that as conceited as it sounds. Anyway, I just hate rejecting people. I hate rejecting my STBX and seeing him hurt. I hate having the awkward conversation letting someone know I am only interested in friendship. I am not ready to date and not sure I ever will be, but if I am, I hope I can meet someone other than a married man! I wonder if i am putting off some kind of vibe?!
An employee recruiter I hadn't seen for a few years invited me to a business luncheon. Our previous meetings had been a mix of business and friendly conversation. The friend part was because he is a former football player for my favorite team, hence we share a passion. I don't know why but this particular invitation seemed odd to me, even though my STBX and I have had lunch with him several times. I replied with small talk until he brought up his wife. At that point I decided his intent was harmless and I accepted the invitation. I was with my STBX so long that I don't even think of men in a romantic way. They all seem asexual to me. That is one reason I can't relate to the temptations cheaters face. It dawned on me after our lunch yesterday that he might have been hitting on me, or maybe it was my imagination. When he complimented me about my appearance among other things, I didn't think anything about it. Our conversation started with him asking about my marriage falling apart. It was more personal than our prior conversations, but we have been friends long enough that it didn't bother me. We aren't BFF's, but you get the point. He shared with me that he had been sleeping on the couch for several months prior to his affair with an old flame. At that point I seized the opportunity to glean information from a cheater's perspective. I was stunned when he told me that he wouldn't be able to get up from the table at that moment if he needed to. He was pitching a tent, so to speak. Talk about awkward! Thank goodness that was near the end of the meal. When I got back to my office which is a five-minute drive, he had emailed me. He told me that he would like to have business luncheons more often and discuss business or whatever comes up, his treat of course.
A former coworker who is married has been sending me questionable messages on Facebook since he learned of my split. He is the holy roller type so I was really surprised when he told me that he misses me, wants to see me more often, and wants me to move closer to him. I only live 20 minutes away with traffic. Once again, I made small talk until the conversation turned to his wife. He asked me if we could get together for New Year's Eve but I told him I was going to watch the ball drop and then go to bed.
I have never cheated on anyone nor have I ever been the other woman. Why are the married men coming out of the woodwork? Even my STBX won't stop pursuing me. I don't mean that as conceited as it sounds. Anyway, I just hate rejecting people. I hate rejecting my STBX and seeing him hurt. I hate having the awkward conversation letting someone know I am only interested in friendship. I am not ready to date and not sure I ever will be, but if I am, I hope I can meet someone other than a married man! I wonder if i am putting off some kind of vibe?!
I have always been proud of wearing a wedding ring and on the rare night I would go out for a beer without her and I would see a lady flirting, my instinctive reaction was to start adjusting the ring,scratching my hand, etc just so she would notice it and it wasn't going any further.
Kudos to those of us that never strayed, never gave in.. We did it right!
Now I just need to figure out what to do with my band. Been debating making a picture or video clip of it being crushed in pliers as I'll never wear it again nor will anyone else.
First, I completely get how other men seem "asexual". When I was married...especially first married at 22, and my ex was in the Marines, he had so many single, good-looking friends...and, yes, I knew they were good-looking, but the thought of sleeping with someone...while he was deployed or any other time...never crossed my mind. I simply shut off my radar on it.
When I officially divorced, I got propositioned by a married colleague (and turned him down, fyi) and was hit on by a couple marrieds while I was out with my GF. Either they are used to women slumming with them, or whatever, but I remember thinking...jesus christ, is there anybody trying to be faithful?
It's good you are aware and see it...dating is definitely not a walk in the park.
When I worked in a bar I never wore a wedding ring. As long as I didn't wear my ring the guys left me alone. A woman with a ring on in a bar meant they were there for just a good time. No ring meant I would be more trouble than they wanted and would expect a long term relationship. This was the guys that were just traveling thru. The locals knew better than trying anything if they were married.
Perhaps a better way to think about it is staying true to yourself? That places the emphasis where it should be. On you and not them.
Make it about the wife, and they lose their fire real quick :)