Wow. I just realized its been nearly a month since Ive been on here. Thats way to long. 

I have moved into my apartment and love it. The kidos love it as well. They have already taken advantage of many of the activities offered. I had been doing really good. Very little sadness. Lots to keep me busy and things to focus on. 

Notice I used the "had". This week has been one of the worst I have ever experienced. Firstly the kids have been with her this week. I miss them so much. My apartment feels like an empty shell without them there. I have texted my oldest a few times but its just not enough. I also drive a school bus and pick up kids at there school. It is a unique and horrible kind of torture to not see them walking out to get on my bus and knowing they are just on the other side of the walm and I cant see or talk to them. So theres that.

To make a terrible week even worse, we met with an attorney to start the divorce process. We are doing a non contested and using a mediator. We met the morning before to iron out everything. There were a few financial things that we argued about a little bit but Im happy with what I get. The main sticking point will still have to be rehashed later. I told her that I do not want her homewrecker boyfriend anywhere near my kids. 

Time for some humor:  She actually said " dont you trust my judgement, and know that I would do whats best for the boys". 

So once I was able to catch my breath from laughing hysterically, I simply said "uh no". I know I have no legal way to force her to keep him away once the divorce is finalized, but I will always fight her on that one. For at least a year. Then maybe we can revisit. 

Overall it was a very plesant 2 hours which of course led me back to feeling that we could be happy together if we only had a chance. I know that will never happen so its incredibly frustrating that I cant shake this feeling. Ahh, the ole roller coaster. 

There was even a cherry on top of the week from hell. 

In a desperate attempt to fill the whole I feel inside I started chatting with someone from a dating site. After about two days of chatting back and forth, my gut told me something was off. So I googled "signs that Im being catfished". Just about all of the red flags were present. So I let them know they were busted and what I thought of them and left it at that. 

Tomorrow I get the kidos back, so next week is guaranteed to be much better.