me 2! dammit! don't turn on my lightbulb yet!

Know what you mean. It's like it was a part of their personality that you knew was there but ignored for one reason or another and they would actually push aside. Then BOOM! There it is. ?????

not in my case , she was always a loving out going kind person, not at all like she is now. she was never this way , NEVER. It is not just me that sees this but EVERYONE, her MOM , sisters and all (not a few ) ALL our friends. it is like she slipped a cog , and wires got crossed. I hope she finds her way back.

You want to REALLy freak yourself out? We are all 99% alike on the level of DNA - we all have in us what the best AND the worst do to a high degree. And, if you believe in divinity at all, we are all equal. Completely equal.

I totally agree, Joanne, what a great point. It's what you do with that last 1% that makes you a loving person or a destructomatic. I feel like I understand so much more about my stbx than I ever did, because I've felt the urge to be selfish, to be cruel, to run away, to lie...I didn't and he did, that's the difference. And what a huge difference it is.

Welcome to Zanna-doo

I hear ya!

me too. i think i saw it and ignored it. i didn't want to be alone so i settled for an alcoholic who did nothing for me. well, moving on and changing my ways.

The way I see it! They had to charm us to get us, then once they had us they didn't want us anymore. Everything they had to do to get us was not who they truly are, who they truly are, are the men (women) who have walked away and hurt us. Who we fell in love with was who they had to be to even get us to give them the time of day.

I agree with Faerla we are all capable of doing what they did. We just made a choice not to! We didn't give into the temptation of the selfish ambitions of our human nature. They have a lot of issues to work through in their life just like we do.

I agree. It was hidden from me but I always knew it was there and ignored it. My lightbulb came on before he left, the light was just dim... Now I put in a brighter light and hope it lasts.

My stbx had the signs before I married him. I was 16 when I met him but was naieve to what he was doing. It got worse a few years after I married him.I think he evolved,but so did I...I grew up...he didn't.Even tho I realized I had made a mistake in marrying him,I still wanted to make it work and stayed way longer than I should have

Love is truly blind. That & most of feel we can change them. They won't change unless they truly want to. We work harder & longer hoping to make the marriage better, but that doesn't usually work, because it's not about us, it's about them. Well, live & learn is my motto. I quote a DS'er who said, "I need to fix my picker!" I seriously have to work on that!

sometimes there is a real "lightbulb moment" and sometimes there isn't. I knew my first marriage was going to end one day when I was watching a neighbor pull dandilions for the third time that summer, and realized that I wasn't getting to the root of the problem either. The problems were just coming back. I left him in 1990. Waited 13 years to get married again. This time I did not see it so clearly with a lightbulb moment.

an Ahhh HA! moment can be liberating. JERKS!!! i always knew my ex was an asshole arrogant bastard but loved him with no bounds. i was never treated like such crap until we broke up. then i was holy shit who is this before me? i'm confused cause i recognize you but not the personality. its amazing!!! totally amazing. your NOT alone !