I'm sorry you're hurting. I understand what you mean about feeling life is pointless without him. But it's not. I know it's easier said than done, especially when you're battling depression, but you can get through this. You're obviously a very strong person whether you realize it or not. Look at how far you've already come...you've battled depression for so many years and you're still hanging in there. You have to be tough to do that.
One thing I'd encourage you to do is go for a walk every day. It doesn't have to be far, at least not at first. But go a little farther every day. The exercise and fresh air will help combat the depression and will help with your energy level so maybe it will get easier to get off the couch.
I'd also encourage you to find a hobby or reconnect with friends. Find things that will take up some of your time. Volunteer. Whether you think so or not, you have something to offer others even if it's just support and encouragement. You'll probably get more out of it than you put into it.
I know it's hard, I really do. I do all of these things and still can't seem to fill up the hole that his leaving created in my life. But by doing all of these things I don't have so much time to sit around and think about it. I refuse to wallow in this and I refuse to let it take over my life. I will NOT give it that much power.
If you're not already seeing a counselor, I'd suggest that, too. You can't tie your worth or the value of your life up in someone else. It's too much pressure for that person and you're setting them up to fail because they can't provide those things for you.
Hugs to you!!

Melissa is right - great advice. I have been feeling depression lately too, but I refuse to let it defeat me. Exercise, crocheting, cleaning, all help take your mind off things. If you are really low see a counsellor or Dr - there are meds that can help if your depression is prolonged.

I'm sorry for your emotional pain. You need to think about whether or not, he is right for you. Apart from the fact that you suffer from depression, being in a relationship with a lot of uncertainty can add to your feelings of depression.

Maybe you can begin to put the focus and energy towards you! Do things that nurture you; massage, facial, yoga, exercise. Most of all love you, you!

Sounds awful - almost like your life is wasting away waiting for someone to give you what only you can give yourself. Happiness and inner peace. If you suffer from depression I would think you see a therapist - talk to them about how you are feeling - perhaps you need meds or different ones. So sorry. Get well soon.

Brooklyn I'm sorry you're still so upset. I've been on this site for almost a year and you've been trying to get back with your ex pretty much that entire time. He's had more than enough time to decide. Why are you letting him string you along like this? Feeling better has been and continues to be within your power. You need to throw the fish back into the sea. Even assuming you were wrong in breaking up with him, you don't deserve to be in perpetual limbo. What happens with your life shouldn't be his decision. Make the choice to put your mental health first and go no contact.

Can't argue with Missy on this. I know it is hard to hold on to hope that things will change between you two but I hope you realize you are living for tomorrow and not today.
This won't be easy letting go but the longer it goes on, the deeper you might sink, I don't think anyone would feel that is a good trade off.

(((Hugs)))

"We had such a good relationship at one time and I ruined it. Now nothing seems worth it. Dishes, laundry, bills, homework, they are all piling up and I spend most of my days on the couch. "

What do you mean by ...you ruined it? You have obviously left something out of your post which is the reason he can't trust you. Sitting on the couch is not the solution, and you really need to get yourself together to do your homework, take care of the bills etc because all those aren't going to do themselves.

If you think it's "forced" meeting with your ex, then you need to cut the cord and move on, focusing on rebuilding your life and making sure history doesn't repeat itself just for a bit of fluff....i.e. the reason he can't trust you again, which you haven't told us.

Your depression is not what ruined your relationship. I'm now 50 and have had issues with depression since high school. I wondered if my depression ruined my marriage or if my marriage caused the depression to worsen. I guess it was a bit of both. Some days are really tough (today I feel like crawling into bed and shutting out the world) but I'm pushing myself to do other things to keep on a proper sleep schedule. Going for a walk is always good even if you don't feel like it.. I short walk around the block is enough to change me mood. Sometimes relationships just end. They were there for a purpose and reflect back on that. Going back will never be the same. Mourn the loss of what the future held. Big hug. You are not alone.

When were together lately he's vey affectionate but. We only see each other about twice a week. It just seems like he's not that into me anymore.