Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Okay,
So I just received this email from my stbx w and it is taking all my self control NOT to email her back and tear into her!!! The following is a copy and past from her email.
" If I had known/realized before we got married that it wasn't right I of course wouldn't have gotten married. A line from Into the Woods I think is apropos for my part of the situation, "But how can you know what you want til you get what you want and you see if you like it". Out of context it probably sounds rather flippant, but I really do think there was no way really for me to realize what I did until after I went through with it. Of course and sadly this means all the more pain for you, which I would not wish on you ever! Unfortunately, I think life takes us down difficult paths where sometimes we really don't mean to hurt others, but it is the way that things unfold. If anything, I hope that the whole situation does not end up being a total waste and I hope that maybe, there will be positive things that you will be able to take from it perhaps in growing as a person or learning more about life. I hope, if anything, it might mean that you have better relationships in the future."
Is she seriously trying to tell me I should take a life lesson from all this. She is so crazy that she takes the crazy meter and blows the top off it. She quoted from a Into the Woods about not knowing you don't want something until you get it. Seriously!!!!!!! That works if you get a sandwich that you didn't like but how can one apply that to a new marriage !?!?! Is she intent on being as destructive as possible when she is the one that left me with seemingly no f'n good reason !
I was feeling pretty good today and now I am beside myself.
So I just received this email from my stbx w and it is taking all my self control NOT to email her back and tear into her!!! The following is a copy and past from her email.
" If I had known/realized before we got married that it wasn't right I of course wouldn't have gotten married. A line from Into the Woods I think is apropos for my part of the situation, "But how can you know what you want til you get what you want and you see if you like it". Out of context it probably sounds rather flippant, but I really do think there was no way really for me to realize what I did until after I went through with it. Of course and sadly this means all the more pain for you, which I would not wish on you ever! Unfortunately, I think life takes us down difficult paths where sometimes we really don't mean to hurt others, but it is the way that things unfold. If anything, I hope that the whole situation does not end up being a total waste and I hope that maybe, there will be positive things that you will be able to take from it perhaps in growing as a person or learning more about life. I hope, if anything, it might mean that you have better relationships in the future."
Is she seriously trying to tell me I should take a life lesson from all this. She is so crazy that she takes the crazy meter and blows the top off it. She quoted from a Into the Woods about not knowing you don't want something until you get it. Seriously!!!!!!! That works if you get a sandwich that you didn't like but how can one apply that to a new marriage !?!?! Is she intent on being as destructive as possible when she is the one that left me with seemingly no f'n good reason !
I was feeling pretty good today and now I am beside myself.
The more intelligent the person, the more capable they are to rationalize/justify their selfish behavior and come up with reasons why it is justified. This is what your ex is doing in her email.
I'm so sorry for your pain.
Then, " I'm dating and giving myself the time and space to figure out what I want. I'm not putting any expectation or pressure on myself. I'm almost half a century old and and learning to embrace uncertainty."
Blah, blah, blah.... Lot's of rationalization for destroying our family and lots of blame shifting. Unfortunately, I took the bait and responded. Only bad things came from it - more pain, etc. I hope you can refrain and take it for what it is, and not let it impact you. That email is all about her.
"You have much to offer a partner and learning from our experience will lead you to a relationship that I hope, will fulfill you and be less difficult for you to navigate."
I think many of us have received similar attempts to assuage guilt.
My STBX said the same kind of stuff. Ok, great. Growing, sure.
In a way it's like she/they are trying to get closure with you, but because of their narcissistic behavior they are yet again directing things to you and unable to admit fault or pain. They won't own anything or apologize or even admit difficulty.
After you hear that enough you'll just be like, 'yes, ok, bye.'
Gapwedge, awesome insight!
What a joke. Do not dignify it with a response. I haven't dignified my stbx with the question.
Be well.
That's all it sounds like to me, a bunch of nonsense.
She's trying to alleviate her own guilt, and also trying to blame shift a little onto you.
All marriages go through rough times. The commitment OF marriage is what is supposed to keep you trying, giving all you've got.
It's not like returning a sweater b/c you got home and it was unflattering in natural light.
I've never seen that movie, so maybe she's right, maybe "out of context" it sounds flippant.
But it sounds flippant to me nonetheless, and I can't imagine a context in which that line would be a good excuse to me.
That's all it is, and excuse.
Plain and simple, she gave up.
She's trying to justify it, she's trying to put a silver lining on it for you.
You can spray paint crap gold, it's still crap.
I would not respond. There's no way to rationalize with someone and this line of bull-crap thinking. They've shut off the guilt and responsibility center of their brain. Maybe one day SHE'LL learn from the way she treats others, maybe not.
I would just ignore it, not respond. I'd probably type up a response, every last thing I want to say, and then throw it away. Or sometimes I've written my stbxh a "letter" in my journal on here, set it to private so only I can see it. That way you can get it all out, but you don't engage in her circus of craziness.
(((((HUGS)))))
only a selfloving soul sucking monster would craft such text
and send it off
thinking it would help
help it does
it feeds her evil rotten soul sucking self