Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
7 weeks ago I found out my husband of 7 years had been having an affair for a year. There were no red flags at all, we were still very connected and in sync, he was always around, etc. We decided to try and make it work by getting in to therapy ASAP, together and separately. Over the course of this time I was stunned to really see my husband's incredibly low emotional IQ. He's 35 and this is the first real tragedy he's ever experienced. I was his first girlfriend, first love, first everything. We were 27 when we met so I'd been in several relationships, dates, lived with someone, etc. I never realized how young he really is in terms of relationships. He started revealing to me his insecurities, his inability to stand up to me and find an opinion. Since he was little, his only goal in life was to find someone to be with. He thought happy life/happy wife meant giving your spouse whatever they want and he convinced himself he wanted those very same things. We've grown in our time together by not the same way. I love him so very much and I want him to be happy and fulfulled because everyone deserves those things. It's just really, really hard of breaking the daily habits. Yesterday was the first morning in 7 years he didn't kiss me goodbye before he left and it just broke my heart. Tell me this gets easier...
My wife had an affair, and we separated for a time. We put it back together, and have spent a lot of time in therapy (both separate and together). At the start, I had told myself, "I didn't cheat, so why do I need therapy?" Well, imagine my surprise to discover that, yes, I actually did have room to grow. My interactions with my wife. What I say, when I say it, how I say it, what I want, etc. In no way does it explain or excuse her cheating, but it was enlightening for me to realize that there were definite ways that I could be a better husband.
I will never say "My wife cheated and our marriage is stronger because of it." No way. But I can say that our marriage is stronger than it was before she cheated.
It seems you are discovering something similar. Nothing can explain or excuse cheating. NOTHING. But, as your husband works on himself, know that you too can also improve the person you are.