What makes you think they have a great marriage?

Oh, yes. Yes it is.

someone i know very well has a marriage like this, but she is the one kissing her husbands' ass about everything. We are all sitting back waiting for her to implode. Or explode. Is it really a happy or healthy marriage if one person can't even have an opinion? I don't think so.

Yes, I do think that is essential.

No, really, the most successful marriages that I have seen there is a similar dynamic going on. My sister runs her house, and always has. My BIL is way okay with it.

I think clearly defined roles and some kind of social order is needed.

Communication is important, but at some point becomes no longer necessary. They know their roles and work them.

Rman - i'm with Red

What makes you think they have a great marriage?
or is this your "observation?"

They are always kissing and hugging, plus I have gone to their house and country club gatherings on occasion. Also, when I am alone with each of them, they are always talking about the other in a loving way.

I think 'whatever works for them" is the definition of a good marriage. Just because YOU would not kiss ass to stay married, doesn't mean RMan's boss is not happy.


I learned a long time ago not to judge someone based on my own standards. I would not want to be married to my BIL but I am way happy for my sister. She has been married to this guy since she was 19 years old. They have been married for over 40 years. Who am I to judge?

I would imagine it's working because both people like it that way. If it's not in you to kiss ass, you'd be rackin up a whole lot of resentment.

"kissing ass" means something different than doing what your spouse points out needs doing though...or is that just me?

Just to add to my nervous breakdown, which has nothing to do with this post, I got three calls today at work.

1. My parents who are on vacation in Florida, telling me all about their good time, making sure I was watch their dog.

2. My sister who is on vacation in Williamsburg, making sure I was watching her and her husband's dog.

3. My wife, who is on vacation in Hershey Park, PA, telling me to pay the phone bill (cut off). And that she will be spending money to buy souvenirs, even though we should be paying bills.

Meanwhile I am working 2 jobs to not make ends meet. Where is my vacation? Why does everyone want a piece of me?

vent done.

MoonBirdy beat me to the punch. Maybe this is how they make THEIR marriage work. One size does not fit all and if their dynamic works for both of them, yay them.

Well i guess then it works for them. Wouldn't work for me though.

OMG - it just never seems to end with your situation R

*speechless*

there is a lot i WANT to say but won't because you know what to do

Why aren't you cutting people off from taking pieces of you is the smarter question, me thinks.

I guess it is true that everyone has a different way of making a marriage work. I suppose the "yes dear," may work for some, but not me. I just always though marriage should be about an absolute 50-50 compromise.

Between your parents' dog, sister's dog and your wife...sounds like you gravitate towards bitches.

Kidding-ish. The message you have been sending your wife is that it is ok with you to continue the relationship as-is. That's on you, Rman and up to you to change..or not. She has already made it abundantly clear where she stands on the issues. Obviously, your concept of 50/50 is not being met/addressed effectively (to your satisfaction). What's plan B?