Some of the raw emotions, yes share with them.They need to know what real life is about.Some of the pain, no, they are too young to really understand.Strength is telling your kids you are afraid,but you will perserve.My kiddo is much younger than yours.I will never forget the night we left her dad.I was crying so hard at my moms shoulder.My five year old,wiped the tears away from my cheek and said, Its going to be okay, mom,I love you.Strength is biting your cheek, instead saying what a rotten disappointing cheating spouse you had in front of your kids(paraphrasing bout my ex).Spend lots of time with your boys,enjoy the new opportunties to spend more time together, since now you wont have to focus on your husbands needs and wants.

I too was very open with my then 15 and 17 year old. I thought I was helping them learn that there is more to life than just being a slave to your husband. Granted the kids enjoyed my slaving for them, but I still thought they would realize when I was gone how much I really did for everyone. Tomorrow is my daughters 18th birthday, I haven't seen or talked to her since last September. Not that I haven't tried, she can't be bothered with me, because her father lets her do anything and nothing. I on the other hand expect her to take care of her self and maybe once in a blue moon to help out with whatever needs help. That is too much for her. So now I have no idea what kind of a person my beautiful and smart daughter is. I have no idea who her friends are, if she has any medical problems, or anything else, because her father feels I should just cease to exist and even though we have 50/50 custody, I have not seen her on visitation since last Oct.2009 when she got mad at me for telling she had to go to school. He advised her that the judge said we only had to abide by the visitation agreement "If she wanted It!" So now I have no children. He got a restraining order against me, so I can't be with in 100 yards of our house, can't call the house phone, etc. Of course in front of the kids and any adults he cares to impress he always adds that the restraining order is only for him, not the kids! So I guess what I am saying is do what you feel is right for you, don't try to be a martyr or nice for anyone else!

It's a balance. And quite frankly, your kids are probably pretty good at reading you. They probably know what you're feeling better than you do yourself. So don't lie, but don't use your kids as your support system either. They're Kids. They aren't adults even though they may be adult size. And this is their Father you're talking about. Their pain in this mess is greater than yours.

They know that you're a mess right now. And that's OK. Go to your room and cry, scream, crawl into bed. But then come out and be decent to those that care about you. And expect the same kind of decency from your kids. This is no time to get lax about making them follow the rules. The kids will play the two of you off of each other if given the chance.

I have the nicest kids in the world. But my daughter was 5 and tried to tell me that her dad punched her. Now I was with him for 20 years, and he never punched me...no matter how bad the fight. No way did I believe that he's punch his 5 year old daughter... The point is that all kids will Try...it's normal.

Hang in there. Remember you can't control a thing about what your stbx thinks, says, or does.... The only one you can control is yourself. Show your kids how to handle it all with dignaty.

And remember that we all fail at it at least sometimes.....

It's perfectly fine for your kids to know you're hurting and why. As long as you aren't badmouthing their father in front of them, they are old enough to realize what is going on and that it's obviously hurting you. I agree with what Patti said about not making them your support system and spending more time with them. Not all relationships end in a pile of rubble, and they will realize that too. Hugs to you and your kids.

My daughters were 17 and 19. I knew they were hurting but they also knew his leaving was for the best. He was emotionally abusive and also always cranky even with them. Your kids know you're hurting also but they DO NOT want you to pour out your feelings to them or talk badly about their dad, that's why there are therapists,friends, family and ds. I think they feel weird and awkward knowing too much, they seem to bounce back fairly quickly at least my daughters did. I had to deal with this mostly when they weren't around and when they were around me I put on a front so as not to upset them. They do not like to see you uhnhappy.

My husband is not my kids father. Their father and I have been divorced for ... I don't even know. I was on my own for at least a few years before I started dating again and met my stbx. They seem to be taking it pretty well. I do use them for support though. I don't cry on their shoulder. In fact I don't cry anymore. I'm too damn optimistic and upbeat to do that for more than a few weeks. And I'm too busy looking for work! I use them for support in that I still have 2 beautiful people in my life and I've made sure they know that mothers and sons don't break up and that I'm glad to have them in my life. One is angry with their step dad and the other is worried about what we're going to do now. I'm letting them show all their emotions and I'm showing mine. I don't bad mouth him though.